tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3478275993537591735.post6089214989436549483..comments2023-12-09T22:04:54.837-05:00Comments on BPD Relationship Recovery -- Me Project: How Can BPDs Move On So Easily?Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger52125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3478275993537591735.post-84531190141288624002019-05-31T21:22:55.707-04:002019-05-31T21:22:55.707-04:00No. As a borderline I feel intense emotional pain ...No. As a borderline I feel intense emotional pain at the thought of losing someone I've fallen in love with. Moving on to another man is the only way to deal with the pain of knowing that your world will soon be in another person's bed soon enough. That is the most terrifying part of a breakup in the eyes of a borderline. I personally avoid intimacy because that's where I feel the most insecure and terrified of loss. I don't rebound because I've learned to grieve relationships. The problem is that borderlines love too hard and it's very difficult to handle. It is scary and impossible to stop and the mind churns endlessly throughout the night. Love hurts the borderline more than you could ever understand, and we are messy lovers. But every man I've ever loved, I've loved with all of my heart, and losing them hurt a lot. It's why I try to avoid love altogether. Safe, but lonely. I'm sorry for what borderlines have done to you in the past, but they are dealing with a lot of emotional turmoil and love will destroy a borderline as much as the Non. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3478275993537591735.post-77611462607105934152019-05-31T21:13:31.085-04:002019-05-31T21:13:31.085-04:00No. As a borderline I feel intense emotional pain ...No. As a borderline I feel intense emotional pain at the thought of losing someone I've fallen in love with. Moving on to another man is the only way to deal with the pain. I personally avoid intimacy because that's where I feel the most insecure and terrified of loss. I don't rebound because I've learned to grieve relationships. The problem is that borderlines love too hard. It is scary and impossible to stop and the mind churns endlessly throughout the night. Love hurts the borderline more than you could ever understand, and we are messy lovers. But every man I've ever loved, I've loved with all of my heart, and losing them hurt a lot. It's why I try to avoid love altogether. Safe, but lonely. I'm sorry for what borderlines have done to in the past, but they are dealing with a lot of emotional turmoil and love will destroy a borderline as much as the Non. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3478275993537591735.post-30053386206084271402018-11-06T21:41:39.371-05:002018-11-06T21:41:39.371-05:00Gosh! That sounds like a guy I dated, was he a car...Gosh! That sounds like a guy I dated, was he a carpenter full of tatoes? When we first met , he definitely pursued me in a very strong way, so intense and made me feel like I was the perfect women for him, he finally found his perfect match. It was an intense love affair . He portrayedd that he was a kind and generous person and loving and I I fell hard for him. But that did not last long. His first Violent out burst he had was shocking, He behaved the same way, very verbally abusive, overly dramatic, shedding tears, compulsive lying, impulsive spending, talking to other girls on cell (dating site) and now he is gone and I feel that my soul has been tourn apart. We were on and off for 3 1/2 years nd he has finally moved on with someone else. And I'm left picking up the pieces. I have read a lot about BPD and how it affects them but not enough on how it affects their partners and families....we need support. I feel the same, I still love him or was it the thought of him that was put in my mind about him. It was a roller coaster ride that no one should go through. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3478275993537591735.post-73478060317056378712018-09-13T22:38:07.173-04:002018-09-13T22:38:07.173-04:00I have BPD and I’m so, so unbelievably tired of pe...I have BPD and I’m so, so unbelievably tired of people calling us these horrible things. I’ve never, ever set out to hurt someone, let alone somebody I loved or was in a relationship with and more often than not I’m left thinking about them for months and months on end still holding onto hope and my love for them that they’ll give me another chance or will somehow someway still love me back. Sorry your heart got broken by someone with BPD, but don’t you dare lump together people with a personality disorder caused by trauma into such a spiteful article. I’m sick of it all and every time it breaks my heart.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3478275993537591735.post-18606057883966698252018-05-28T00:49:29.086-04:002018-05-28T00:49:29.086-04:00So how do we nons prove our worth? When a bpd chea...So how do we nons prove our worth? When a bpd cheats it destroys us. We do everything we can to make things better and we get nothing but silence. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3478275993537591735.post-47064082426249758172018-04-08T23:17:32.031-04:002018-04-08T23:17:32.031-04:00My ex husband is dating a 21 year old woman who di...My ex husband is dating a 21 year old woman who displays characteristics of BPD. I teach in post secondary education and she is one of my students. Prior to my knowledge of the relationship she used to stop me in the hallway at school to tell me how pretty I was. She embarrassed me at a public event with the same type of introduction to an audience. All the while she was running around with my ex. I am a nurse and I have dealt with this condition before but now she is around my teenage daughters and I am at a loss. I am in a situation where I must be distanced at work from her to ensure her treatment is fair in the program and I need to respect my ex's decision to be with her though I don't agree with it. Based on anyone's experience out there are there any strategies I can give my daughter's to deal with her? My oldest senses something is not right with her but I am hesitant to place a label on her. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3478275993537591735.post-65335222771966213412017-11-28T07:45:50.003-05:002017-11-28T07:45:50.003-05:00From what you say I very much doubt your man has B...From what you say I very much doubt your man has BPD - even if a Doctor gave him the diagnosisAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3478275993537591735.post-11917995091564284342017-11-26T07:19:58.817-05:002017-11-26T07:19:58.817-05:00They move on so easily as to them it is normal to ...They move on so easily as to them it is normal to have short stormy relationships. Mine saw this at home and to her it is normal, unlike myself who came from a family who love and care for each other (my parents are in their 80's and still show each other love every day). Bpd's are not looking for long term as we might be they are looking for what works for them today. Speaking for myself (and I'll bet most guys on here if they Were honest)it goes like this: We keep thinking they loved us the way we loved them(I was engaged to mine) and we let them down in some way. We think they are missing the great guy we were and would love to get back with us if only they knew how. Get real guys, you were no different to them than the guy they have moved on to. Mine is nasty to me, not because she misses me its because I was the first guy she met who set boundaries. I would rather lose her than hurt her by being in the loop of recycles she will continue to have until she accepts she is the one with the problem. I hope one day she does get help and lives happily ever after even if its with someone else. I want her to be happy but its never going to happen! Accept the same about yours and you will soon understand how easily they move.Fred2019https://www.blogger.com/profile/12627022519225047732noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3478275993537591735.post-58348721326297337582017-11-26T07:04:26.541-05:002017-11-26T07:04:26.541-05:00I am exactly the same. Mine has painted me as Blac...I am exactly the same. Mine has painted me as Black as possible and snarls at me if we meet when my only crime was to eventually call her on her BPD and tell her the last tine she left she could not come back unless she went for help. Despite everything I miss her. if I had known as much about BPD as I do now I would not have hurt her by reacting the way I did to the push and pulls. However once they know you know they are off to an easier target - its a no win!Fred2019https://www.blogger.com/profile/12627022519225047732noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3478275993537591735.post-38747405152314426762017-11-26T06:57:46.021-05:002017-11-26T06:57:46.021-05:00It is so sad that had we known all about BPD befor...It is so sad that had we known all about BPD before we got involved (& yes I would have still got involved) it would helps much. However we make mistakes while learning and they never forgive us for those mistakes - its a no win!Fred2019https://www.blogger.com/profile/12627022519225047732noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3478275993537591735.post-18717646430574933072013-05-13T13:26:27.906-04:002013-05-13T13:26:27.906-04:00Part 6.
Oh and she threw a vase at my head and w...Part 6. <br /><br />Oh and she threw a vase at my head and would have massive outbursts in public if I said something she disagreed with. She undermined me in every way. Scary how it slowly happens and your self respect starts to trickle away. But luckily I retained enough of my inner confidence to see her for what she was and dump the b#tch. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3478275993537591735.post-41892008808339693042013-05-13T13:22:55.564-04:002013-05-13T13:22:55.564-04:00Part 5
But my love was dead and I was now writing...Part 5<br /><br />But my love was dead and I was now writing a diary recording her cycles of mania, depression and good moments. I then researched BPD, as she had "serious issues from her childhood" It all clicked into place. And I arranged for my tenants in my house I had bought to move out. I then moved in within 5 days of telling her it was over up until this point she had been telling me she loved me was making me breakfast and all sorts of things to try and convince me she was a nice loving GF. Craziest thing was when I told her I didn't feel she loved me she asked me to explain all the things she could "act like" to make it appear that she loved me. F@*ked up or what. <br /><br />She has tried to make contact a few times but I have rebuffed her fully so far. I will NEVER be fooled by this emotionless empathy devoid bitch ever again. And guess what... four days after I moved out she has decided she is in love with the fat author she cheated on me with 5 months ago.<br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3478275993537591735.post-35340110638357851602013-05-13T13:22:06.029-04:002013-05-13T13:22:06.029-04:00Part 4
She won a holiday for two at work and then ...Part 4<br />She won a holiday for two at work and then spent it on herself for a writing course. This is after I took her to new york and splashed out 2 grand on the whole thing. Initially I asked her to just pay for the flight for herself she went mental and accused me of being cheap and explained how all her friends were treated better by their bf's. She lied about her income and told me she earned zero commission at her third new job. She chucked one 80k job in to do a 30k job working in publishing before quitting and getting a 50k job in the same thing she did before, all in the space of 8 months. turns out when she was bitching about paying 600 for a flight she was earning 5k a month! I was earning just shy of 3k. No matter how much she earns she is always in debt. Overdraft, maxed credit cards, the lot. Back to the cheating.. once on the writing course she decided to screw the instructor a kids author. I hacked her emails and caught her red handed. She begged for another chance, offering me anything to make it right. All those offers amounted to nothing of course. I stuck it out for five months after finding out trying to forgive her.<br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3478275993537591735.post-67775249453507461352013-05-13T13:21:18.311-04:002013-05-13T13:21:18.311-04:00Part 3
I discovered she had a sex blog and confro...Part 3<br /><br />I discovered she had a sex blog and confronted her about it. She told me it was very old and she had not published there in years. She then purged the online account.<br />She constantly eyed up men. Even on one occasion causing a argument in a restaraunt because the other guy looked back when he was with his GF! She didn't just look with her peripherals she would stare directly into mens eyes and turn her head 45 degrees to do so. Each time I confronted her about it she denied it and called me paranoid and controlling. She of course ended up cheating on me. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3478275993537591735.post-57246081956627914342013-05-13T13:19:43.996-04:002013-05-13T13:19:43.996-04:00PART 2
We dated for 6 months and she began the pr...PART 2<br /><br />We dated for 6 months and she began the process of buying a house. But... She didn't have the full deposit and told me the mortgage advisor had told her to borrow the money AFTER signing on the dotted line. (Clear bull no loan app would go through after signing for a house) So guess what she needed an extra 6 grand or she would lose her 25 grand deposit. Guess who had let on they had 7 grands worth of savings... Yes that's right ME. I paid up on the condition I lived with her rent free to get my money back and ensure she wasn't going to do a runner with my money. Plus I loved her. She then a few weeks later demanded that I ALSO buy a house. We argued for an hour in an italian restaurant until she beat me down by basically saying I would be under her par if I was no home owner. So I borrowed money from my parents and lied about where my savings had gone and bought a damn house at a bargain price down the road from her. She was never satisfied, constantly changing hobbies, careers, friends, every part of her life was in flux with me desperately hanging on by remodeling myself again and again. She said I was not muscley enough: I worked out, She wanted me to be creative, I learned to paint and helped her write a book, She wanted me to be more manly so I took up Karate again, She wanted storage for her house to I built it all from scratch to fit her oddly shaped rooms. she wanted to run a marathon so I ran a marathon. She wanted to learn French so I started french classes with her, I built her a roof garden on her flat tramac roof and filled it with flowers for her birthday. It made her happy for about two weeks. For my birthday? Photos of us over the last two years and fancy food bought with a voucher she got at xmas from her mum, Oh and sex in lingerie etc. Great... Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3478275993537591735.post-19040580791744325752013-05-13T13:18:51.460-04:002013-05-13T13:18:51.460-04:00PART 1
Hello everyone. I just moved out from my 3y...PART 1<br />Hello everyone. I just moved out from my 3yr long BPD ex. <br /><br />God where do I start?<br /><br />I met her through online dating. First date was muted and I felt odd around her. She was sexy but distant and judgemental. I pretty much wrote her off. But then she asked for a second date. <br /><br />She was fit so I thought Ah why not. She was all over me, found my every word to be funny and stimulating I could not believe it was the same girl. By date three I was hooked. <br /><br />Turns out that she had been dating a Times scientific blogger but he didn't want to progress to date three. It also turns out she slept with her ex 8 DAYS before she met me after faking a corneal erosion to ask him over for sympathy. (very rare illness with very few visible symptoms easy to fake) <br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3478275993537591735.post-49558434667012346022013-05-01T09:15:30.483-04:002013-05-01T09:15:30.483-04:00Thank you so much for this... exactly how I am fee...Thank you so much for this... exactly how I am feeling in ending my relationship with my BPD partner... I never knew what hit me.... thank youAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3478275993537591735.post-41906030660529044832013-03-04T09:25:56.839-05:002013-03-04T09:25:56.839-05:00I must disagree! I'm in a very healthy relatio...I must disagree! I'm in a very healthy relationship with a man which has BPD. He us very loving, we never argue, and we live together. Just because a person with BPD is different doesn't mean you can judge them cause they aren't like you. I wouldn't break up with my boyfriend if God himself told me to. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3478275993537591735.post-69072767983852873242013-02-05T04:49:23.889-05:002013-02-05T04:49:23.889-05:00I am six months out of the most beautiful, amazing...I am six months out of the most beautiful, amazing,connected relationship I have ever had. My BPDs ADORED me! Flowers. Romantic heartfelt speeches that would out do any speech I have ever heard at a wedding. Constant professions of the depths of his love and happiness. Constant statements of wanting to marry me. He even picked the band and described what our wedding would be like. But soon the deep insecurities started to surface. My perfection had flaws. Although his past was littered with countless women, he could not accept I had a past. Huge mistrust and abandonment issues ate into our relationship. I became a target for abuse and as he justified anything in his past, he screamed at me for the mistakes I had made in mine. My choice in friends showed a lack of integrity and he asked me to end friendships. He started to question my family and distance me from them. Any intimate moments and deep truths we shared, he used against me until it seemed as though his love had turned to hate. I loved him more than any other man and treated him beautifully. I cared for him and made him happier thanks had ever been in his life??? In the end he couldn't trust me, I had no integrity and strength of character, I was shallow and surrounded by bs. And all I had done was love him and cared for him and tried my absolute hardest to be right for him. We went to counsellors (seperately) which helped but we were j aware of bpd then. His shame and guilt were huge after the turns became quicker and lasted longer. Soon it felt like the adoring love of my life was non existent. Once I found out he had bpd I said I would help him and be with him but he instead put all the blame on me and my dishonesty etc. the day I left him, he began a relationship with a married woman. 5 weeks later he was with someone he met online. The whole whole he cried his heart out and told me how much he loved me. It's been so hard breaking up as our love was so intense and beautiful, the sex was intense and amazing on every level and we felt like our love was bigger than any fairy tale. But now I realise that although he loved me to the best of his ability, it wasn't real. I care for him and love him still but it is from a distance. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3478275993537591735.post-45990702528018008562013-01-14T17:52:56.751-05:002013-01-14T17:52:56.751-05:00I just recently split up with my bdp girlfriend. W...I just recently split up with my bdp girlfriend. We dated for roughly a year. To make matters worse, we work together in a small office of 5 people. When she first started working here, she was seen in the parking lot with her bf at the time who would stop by on his way to work to say hi. About a week went by and apparently they had a big fight. The next few times he would stop by, it was because he was stalking her. She approached me in the most aggressive way i have ever been approached by a female. I truly blew her off for over a month until i gave in and started hanging out after work with her. Long story short, i tried to end it after a few weeks and she had her first fit in front of me. I was like everyone who has hurt her. I went back to her and for a brief time, it was the best thing i have every been a part of..<br />Then everything changed. It went from trying to move in, to having kids, to getting married and we had only been together for roughly 3 months. She never moved in but practically stayed there every night. She always had other options, guys texting her, but i thought she wouldnt be dumb enough to cheat due to us working together. I have never proved it but now i figure she did from time to time. <br />To shorten this up...the on and off relationship started happening but i always went back. Over New Years we broke up due to one of her violent fits, i was tired of it. Well the following Friday i found out she was talking and hanging out with someone within 2-3 days of breaking up. She still comes to my office or sends me messages wanting to talk and talks about stuff related to our relationship. So i gave in and called her the other night. She stated that her and the other guy were just talking and she wanted to talk to me but that night wasnt a good night to talk. I just wanted to find out for myself what was going on...well you know this already...the guy was over there. She has the nerve to come in my office first thing today saying she still wants to talk to me. She stated that nothing happened so she couldnt understand why i wont talk to her. No remorse, nothing but lies. Very tough to date someone with this disorder. It does help to know its not you but it will have your head spinning!!!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3478275993537591735.post-75671675410292243342012-12-23T07:10:42.043-05:002012-12-23T07:10:42.043-05:00i am a bpd myself but i dont lie to people n dont ...i am a bpd myself but i dont lie to people n dont cheat people coz i have set very high standards for me but all other symptoms are there like insecurity, no sense of self , dependent on one person , fall in love head over heals,den coz my insecurity n dependence , the person takes me for granted, ignores but i behave clintchy , he ignores me more , i say sorry without my fault, cling on more, he behaves bad, i record dat but behave usual supersweet as i can either hate or love a person at one time, when his bad behaviour accumulates to d limit i cant take , i leave him , he gets heartbroken coz i was supersweet so he thought i wud never leave..........we r not bad people n we we dont intentionally hurt someone Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3478275993537591735.post-84305304831743519222012-12-09T06:18:06.965-05:002012-12-09T06:18:06.965-05:00Hi all, i'm two months into marriage seperatio...Hi all, i'm two months into marriage seperation from my bpd wife. Most of this mirrors my experiences almost like your all watching a tv program on my life. Within a few days of seperating she was with somebody else and tells everyone how happy she now is. Its like somebody swapped my loving wifes brain out for a complete stranger. We have 2 young children together and i have been told even tho she proomised it wouldnt happen my children have spent time with this new person. Everybody has told her she shouldnt do this as the kids are trying to get used to daddy not being there but she doesnt listen to what anybody says and seems to live in a bubble. Has anybody else had this experience? Is there any way to break down the communication barrier and actually get through on important things like this? Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3478275993537591735.post-26623949274410228632012-09-17T10:11:55.204-04:002012-09-17T10:11:55.204-04:00My BPD was an adoptee. I found her Mother. Now I u...My BPD was an adoptee. I found her Mother. Now I understand the rage and betrayal (in hindsight). She was always spending, living beyond means. This is easy to do, when your soon to be ex-husband brings home the bacon, even as she put HIM in relationship limbo, and told ME he was bad, insinuated he was witholding affection, gay, etc. etc.<br />BPD gal was very good at APPEARING independant, drive a Jaguar, etc. Did I mention she used to be an ACTRESS as her profession?<br />Finding her mother meant relationship death. I became the target of displaced rage. This never made sense to me, as it was her MOTHER and not me who abandoned her. Mom turnedhow out tothe be ofthe very modest means. She dated another man behind my back. And married him. Husband and "easy mark" #1? Seriously ill, certainly a shortened lifespan. Me? (Easy Mark #2) I've had a stroke at a relatively young age. And consequently, I have been handed the "gift" of a lower quality of life, and (likely) a shortened life span as well. So now I gaze at facebook, (I don't have a facebook and I don't want one...I think it's kind of creepy and prefer three dimensional friends with face to face interaction, but I digress) and what do I see? "Easy Mark Victim #3" and her on the "front page". Jealous? You've GOT to be kidding, right? I feel sorry for him. I hope that he gets away before it is too late and he suffers as we have. I am sorry she was abandoned as a child. But she is wearing her big girl pants now (or should be) and TRUST ME... she knows EXACTLY what she is doing.<br />And we (society in general) have given a pass way,way,way too many times to these folks, who do incredible harm. A BITCH out of control is merely, well.... a BITCH out of control. No more, but NO LESS! Never turn your back on such a woman. Never. They can and WILL kill you. And "slow homicide" NEVER gets punished, but if you don't think this gal is a serial killer, better do the math again! But the years you lose as aI result of your health being destroyed? You don't get them back.<br />Yep, and while your DEATH CERTIFICATE moldering in some county clerk's office somewhere will state "coronary disease" or some such ailment as your cause of death, SHE will be enjoying a pleasant life and retirement, and "Super Bonus Green Stamps" if she managed to take out an insurance policy on you as well. By the way, she will enjoy this with Victim #(N) , as the pattern NEVER stops.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3478275993537591735.post-32560874600977709632012-09-08T13:12:25.682-04:002012-09-08T13:12:25.682-04:00You are a veteran of The BPD WAR. Find humor in m...You are a veteran of The BPD WAR. Find humor in madness. You have broken through the relationship crucible. You are a survivor, a Darwinian success. go now into the great void and find lifeAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3478275993537591735.post-35338227796704110842012-09-08T13:10:57.890-04:002012-09-08T13:10:57.890-04:00You are a veteran of The BPD WAR. Find humor in m...You are a veteran of The BPD WAR. Find humor in madness. You have broken through the relationship crucible. You are a survivor, a Darwinian success. go now into the great void and find lifeAnonymousnoreply@blogger.com