Just Feel Better

Every once in a while, I find things that are from when I was hurting badly and trying to recover from the relationship with the BPD. I found such a thing today -- my New Years' Resolutions and the 20 Good Things About Me. 

That's right, that's how hurting I was -- I had to actually pen 20 good things about me.

What's worse is that it took me a while to think of 20 things.

I did think of 20 things. Here they are:

1. I'm smart
2. I'm funny
3. I'm well-rounded
4. I'm attractive
5. I'm well mannered
6. I'm outgoing
7. Conversational
8. Caring/Compassionate
9. Friendly
10. Personable
11. Loyal
12. Dependable
13. Secure
14. Athletic
15. Disciplined/Focused
16. Laid back
17. Accepting
18. Musical
19. Energetic
20. Expressive

There's a part of me that can't believe that I sunk so low that I didn't know these things about me. How could I forget these things?

Forgive Yourself

After coming out of a relationship with a BPD, you feel so bad for yourself for so many reasons -- how could I let this happen? How could I have been treated so poorly? How could I accept this? I can't believe that I put so much into this and it still fell apart; etc.

Bottom line -- you have to forgive yourself and allow yourself the time to heal. I had such difficulty with that. I knew that I had to heal, but I was impatient, so afraid of being alone again, that I tried to shortcut the process. Although we can do the right things, the process is the process, and it takes time.

The hardest thing is forgiving yourself. It's the most important element though. You must forgive yourself so you can move forward and heal properly. If not, your wound never heals, but you're just covering it up.

I'm still healing in some ways. I still can't believe I sunk so low, and I still am recovering from the financial woes. Soon enough, I'll be out of the woods, but I'm giving myself the time that it needs.