It's been a number of years since I contributed to this post as my life has moved on, and for the most part, I have recovered from the relationship. It took time, it was very painful, it required counseling, but it can be done. For those of you that are just getting out, I have felt your pain, and it hurts, no matter what you do. The good part of it is that you can get through it, and the pain will get easier, and will eventually go away.
I've written many of the insights that I'm about to discuss here, but they are worth repeating. First and foremost, make sure that you actually feel the pain. Don't bury the pain in alcohol or exercise (although my opinion is that you can't exercise too much) or another partner, as the pain needs to come out, and it will come out eventually in some ways.
Just as important, when you're ready to heal, you're going to need to do the work. This most likely means seeing a professional to understand what drew you to the borderline and how you got sucked in. I know that the borderline offered a lot of things to me that I had never had before and a (false) sense of security, so I fell hook, line and sinker.
You'll also have to be willing to make changes in yourself, which can be the most challenging. It's always someone else's fault - to harbor that blame and make healthy changes is difficult and requires commitment.
I'll try to periodically post as I continue my journey. Use this site as a stepping board to move on in your life. Show the healthy side of things and where you can go. Let's make the site a place where we can show the amazing things that you can do after living through a relationship with a borderline!
Friday, October 6, 2017
2 comments:
Please tell me your story and how it relates to Borderline Personality Disorder. I appreciate any and all comments that you leave on this blog, and as long as they do not contain inappropriate language or are not on-topic, will publish them. Please note that I cannot respond to blogs as this is an anonymous blog. However, I will publish all appropropriate comments.
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Wow, everything is starting to make sense. Ex dumped me last month after raging at me cause I told her I couldn't talk, was in a hurry to catch the bus to our home city where we lived together. She nutted out and said dont come home, so I didn't - trying to exercise a boundary on the way she would speak to me teach her responsibility. She had only a month previously been diagnosed with BPD. She rang an hour later and apologised and asked when my bus got in. I told her I was not on the bus cause she told me not to come home. She flew into another rage and told me it was over. I returned home the next day and went motorbiking with friends while she was at work. I was asleep when she came home and she slept in the spare room for the first time ever. The following morning I tried to talk to her about why I didnt come home and reassured her that I do love her but she cant rage at me like that without consequence. I spent four hours trying to make things right and she told me to leave - it was my house, so I went out with friends for a few beers to ease my stressed mind. I was home again that night before she got home, I slept in the spare room this time. The next morning she was gone, she'd gone hiking with friends early. I left and caught the bus back to the small town I was working in. She was very hateful for the following days and started making comments about getting a tinder account and going on dates "I hope I get fucked by my date" etc. This was when I said if she's behaving that way she needs to find somewhere else to live. I gave her three weeks to find a solution. She told me she was gonna bring guys home to our house etc. I thought it was just hot air. Last week I returned home, she had just moved out. My room mate told me she had brought a guy back for a few days saying he was her "friend" but he's pretty sure he heard them having sex. I knew exactly how many condoms were in our top draw. 6 of them were missing. I'm totally heartbroken and she treats me like I'm satan. She blocked all contact while she was still living at my house. I'm waiting for the day that she will try to reconnect so I can have some form of revenge
ReplyDeleteMy daughter is 19 and has BPD. I have loved her unconditionally throughout her life, even through the physical and mental abuse. Last week, she decided to move out, told me "moved on", and never wants to see me again. I am heartbroken and devastated, to the point that I can barely function. This is different than a romantic relationship. I can't just move on, this is my daughter. Do you think I will ever have the chance to mend this relationship?
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