BPD and the Holidays: Best of Times, Worst of Times

The time I spent with the BPD over the holidays was great in some ways. Overall, Borderlines can be wonderful around the holidays, as they pay such attention to detail and can be so creative that they really make some things truly special.

The house was always decorated in a wonderful fashion, and Christmas kicked off us looking for a house together as the first house that we saw for sale was actually a Christmas tree farm.

I only spent one Christmas and New Years with the borderline, but during those holidays, I felt like we were most secure.

Light Gazing
The town in which we lived had large McMansions -- quite a few neighborhoods of them -- and many of these homes would decorate their houses quite ornately. The houses looked amazing. We would often go through the neighborhood, gazing at lights together as we would drive around while our kids were home, waiting for us.

The main reason that we were out was because we wanted to smoke -- what a shame that habit had such a hold of me, like the borderline did -- but we spent quite a bit of quality time together as a result of that smoking habit.

We also started looking for a house to buy, together. The Lord works in mysterious ways as we never did that because her house wouldn't sell and the bids we put on houses weren't accepted. One year later, houses that were empty for the entire time that we were looking sold for $50,000 less than we initially offered. The Lord works in mysterious ways.

New Years Drama
On New Years, the BPD couldn't help herself. I'm not sure what sparked it, but she was upset -- quite upset. It may have been because her dead husband had choked her and she called the police on him one New Years, probably the one before he died. Regardless, I was it on New Years and she unleashed her fury for hours. I forget what it was about.

Eventually, she came around and we went out. We went to an expensive dinner, spending hundreds and drinking martinis all night. The borderline was in her normal drunk mode, but we were at a restaurant where there was a band and dancing, so we danced the night away. She was so drunk that she threw up and kept dancing. Luckily, I was driving that night. I think everything worked out fine for the rest of the night.

One Year Later -- Sadness and Redemption
A year later was when the BPD and I had just broken up. Scars were raw and I was trying hard -- as hard as I could -- not to communicate with the BPD.

I was successful, but I did pay the price. I cried and cried and cried. I remember sitting at my uncle's house, closing my eyes as I lay in his family room, the tears running down my face. Looking back, I think it was because I was on a prescription drug to stop smoking that makes you quite sad, but I didn't realize the impact it was having on me.

For those of you that are first breaking the chains of a borderline relationship, it's hard -- probably the hardest thing that you'll do, or so it feels. You can do it. Commit to it, then actually do it.

New Years was a whole different kind of animal for me. I had joined an online dating site, and a woman had taken a liking to me. We went out once and things were very nice. She had asked me to come over for New Years as she was having a party at her house. I graciously obliged and went to her house.

This woman could drink, and I drank along with her. Unfortunately, I got more drunk than I can remember getting in quite some time. I got LOADED -- not a good thing to do when you're trying to win someone's interest -- and I *think* I behaved myself. We weren't physical, and I never tried anything with her -- after all, it was our second date and her kids were there. Not appropriate.

Regardless, she never talked to me after that New Years Eve. Any attempts that I had made to contact her or go out with her were returned with gracious "sorry, I can't...I'm busy" or something like that.

It didn't matter. The chains had been broken. I realized that I didn't need the BPD, I no longer depended on her. It was still tough -- real tough at times -- but things got better.

If you're in this right now, and it hurts, I know it hurts. I'm sorry. It will get better.

Commit yourself to healing, and you'll heal. Take the steps outlined here -- I'm now working on better outlining them -- and get yourself better. You can have a normal life if you seek it out. We'll try to help you seek the normal life.