Borderline Smear Campaigns: How Much Can You Take?

One of the worst things about being in a relationship is a borderline smear campaign. These incidents will often destroy a person, their integrity, identity and all that is good about them. It often takes a person years to recover from a Borderline Smear Campaign once they've been attacked.

What Is a Borderline Smear Campaign?
By definition, these campaigns are efforts that BPDs take to destroy a person's name, their integrity, and their overall reputation:
- If you've told the Borderline anything in confidence, they will violate this confidence
- If you've done anything illegal, they will contact the authorities and tell them about your illegal doings
- If you owe anyone money, have any outstanding bad blood, have done anything wrong, they will take this and use it against you.

You get where I'm going here -- a Borderline Smear Campaign is a negative campaign where the BPD will air all of your wrongdoings, in front of as many people as possible to make you look as bad as possible.

The BPD that I was with always talked about Bob and how he was such a charming man, but an ugly man under the surface. After they broke up, she was sure that he was convicted of charges and forced to go to anger management classes. While this is an extreme case, and I'm not sure how much of what she told me is real, she happily dragged Bob and his name through the mud.

With me, she tried to contact my ex wife, contacted ex girlfriends and tried to smear my name in any way possible. She had also threatened to contact my work and say bad things about me (I'm not sure what she could say). I told her that such actions would have repercussions that she would not like, and she knew that I would take legal action against her. Looking back, I again feel terrible for letting someone treat me like this.

Why?
Borderlines are black and white thinkers. They can love you more than anyone else, but once they switch and you become an object of your rage, they want to destroy you at any cost. They feel so terrible that they want to ruin your life and are not afraid to do whatever it takes to ruin your life, hence feeling terrible like they do. Misery loves company.

Protect Yourself
If you think that your partner is borderline -- or even close to borderline -- be sure to protect yourself from a potential smear campaign. Don't tell the borderline in your life about anything that is potentially threatening or something that they can use in your life. I know, in a normal relationship, you disclose anything, but borderlines can and will use this information against you. If you choose to be in such a relationship, you must protect yourself.

If you suspect you may be the object of a Borderline Smear Campaign, be sure to document everything. If you must, hire an attorney to defend yourself as well-- they will be impartial and can help you get out of trouble that you, while you are so emotionally involved in the relationship, cannot comprehend.

When I was in the relationship with the BPD, I lived with her for over a year despite the fact that she was collecting Social Security as a widowed woman. If they had discovered that we lived together, she could have had her Social Security taken from her; once she realized that was the case, she knew that she could not disparage my name without repercussions.

It stinks -- you don't ever want to be in a relationship like this where you can't be honest and open. But if you're in the relationship and you want it to be healthy, you must establish healthy boundaries, where they cannot abuse you and smear your name.