Borderline's I Hate You: Is BPD Hatred Real?

I'll never forget the first time that the BPD said I hate you to me. I think it was accompanied by a right hook.

I wasn't used to people saying that they hate me. By practice, I never say those words for a number of reasons, but primarily because it is such a hurtful thing to say to another human being. The word hatred is also such a strong word that it's quite painful for the recipient.

Black and White Thinking
In the BPD's world, hatred is a simple thing. Given that they think in terms of black and white, everything is either great or terrible. So, they either love or hate things, including people. There is no grey thinking the borderline world.

The BPD will react as strongly as the words Hate also describe. That's how I was hit by the BPD when she was telling me that she hated me. It was the hardest I had ever been hit, like someone had knocked my block off.

When you go back and look at all of these things that you took, that you accepted, a part of you feels so shameful that you cannot even tell others, and you cannot write about it. You shut it out.

That part, without a doubt, is part of the Post Traumatic Stress disorder. Look for more of this in upcoming posts.

As a Christian who has a humanistic outlook on life, I don't try to hate anything. I don't think that I hate anything at all. However, in the underdeveloped mind of a borderline that thinks black and white, hatred is a common and usual term.

Two years ago, when I was emailing the BPD back and forth after she had stormed away from me, she had written "I hate you" fifty different ways.

I wrote "I love you" fifty different ways, and she wrote "I hate you." Now there's contrast.

It's the language we use. Most of us that live in the world of grays; most of us that live in a world of goodness would find that the word hate not an acceptable world.

When you think from a black and white perspective, it's all about you. Hating someone is normal. So, BPD hatred is real from the perspective of the borderline. Everyone that lives in their world also feels the wrath of BPD hatred, so it's real for them too.