The BPD and I had our first date at the end of January, 2006. It was a great date. We had our second date a week and a half later, as I had business the following week (I was the guest of honor for a Fishing Convention -- pretty awesome). Our second date was also great. By the end of the week, we had agreed to "be exclusive." Strange but cool.
Sign One: Not Genuine Conversation or Communication
Looking back, I don't remember every having such a conversation with Jennie -- being exclusive, that is. When you know, you know. You don't have to have a contrived conversation. But anyway, for some, I guess it's necessary.
In the fishing business, the winter is your busiest time. You're busy promoting your magazine, hustling from show to show. So that weekend, I had to stay down in Delaware and go to a couple of events. I was speaking at one event and attending another, so I was real busy. The borderline had her kids but had a wine tasting event -- I later learned that this was a singles event -- what ever...it didn't matter. We were in a new relationship, had just agreed to be exclusive, so I had no reason not to trust her.
Sign Two: Excessive Alcohol (or Drug) Use
I spoke with the Borderline the next day after her event. She sent me a text when she was at the event telling me that she was playing the tambourine for the band, then I didn't hear from her.
The next morning, she told me that she got so drunk that she had to get a ride home from a woman that was also attending the event. She was with her friends and they were going out in Morristown after the event, but she was too drunk. So, this woman gave her a ride home.
I believed everything she said because we had just agreed to be exclusive -- why would she not tell me the truth? Was she truthful? Doesn't matter -- if she was or was not truthful, that's her issue, not mine and not mine to worry about.
Sign Three: Constant Deflection, Devaluation and Rage
The following day, we talk. I have a meeting in the morning where I'm speaking, then I have lunch at my favorite bar and club, Seacrets. I'm the only person there, but I learn that they're having a great formal event that night. I tell the borderline that she should come down so we could go to the event together. She rages, and accuses me of having a date for the event.
Huh? I just agreed to be exclusive with you. Anyway, she calms down.
In the evening, I'm having dinner by myself at the local pizza place, and sending her text messages. Saying that I wishes that she was here with me so we could go to the event together.
The BPD suddenly rages on me, telling me that she KNOWS that I'm there right now and not to talk to her anymore. I try to call her to discuss and she's not answering the phone. I try to call her periodically throughout the night, and she never answers the phone.
Again, for all that I know, she could have gone out. I don't know.
I promised myself that night that I would never go to sleep again feeling like that. I had no clue what I was in for in the next two years. I wish I had kept that promise to myself -- I then knew how crazy the situation was.
Sign Four: Healthy Boundary Violation and Constant Testing
The next morning, she calls me and starts accusing me of going out. I told her that I didn't and that I tried to call her all night, emailing her as well. She told me that I could have sent the emails from my car on my laptop, to which I responded that I called her from my house phone.
After she realized how much she had screwed up, she apologized and said, "just delete all the emails and forget last night happened." I did.
We had scheduled to see each other for Valentines Day, right before I was leaving for Miami on business. Learn about what happened in Maimi and the Nails in the next posting.
