If you've ever been with a borderline, you know what I'm talking about.
It's like you could snap your fingers, and the borderline changes from being this sweet, loving person who cares so much about you to a person that hates you, is so full of anger and rage that they will destroy you.
When you experience the vengeance switch, if you've experienced the vengeance switch, it can be a terrible thing to witness.
My relationship with the BPD saw the vengeance switch occur quite regularly -- every day around 3 pm, she thought that I called her to 'screw with her.' I would end up having 30 to 45 minute conversations in an attempt to make her feel better. The conversation would then continue into the night where we would talk for hours until she felt better. Most every day was like this.
When we were first dating, this switch would occur approximately two hours after we separated and I went back to my home. Like clockwork, her anxiety would reach a point where she would just freak out and call me, accusing me of something, from watching transvestites to having many girlfriends sprinkled all around the country...some of the things were so outrageous that even thinking about them makes me tired.
Borderlines will be borderlines. She needed the drama, the excitement, and all of it. She once told me that her previous boyfriend was a narcissist. She told me that she studied them and that they like living a life that is like a movie, with all the drama. I then learned that borderlines are the most narcissistic of all people.
Bottom line -- she was the narcissist, projecting her feelings onto others.
Back to the Borderline Vengeance Switch. It seems to be quite prevalent for all borderlines, and I think it's because they get so fearful, so much anxiety that it needs an outlet. This switch allows them to get their anxiety out, but unfortunately, they lose control, big time. Their fears all come out, usually in the form of blame and anger on another person.
If you feel the vengeance switch on you, remember, you've done nothing to spark that. It's something within the Borderline that has made that happen. Borderlines cycle, so if it gets too bad, get yourself out of the situation for a while.
As long as you have the right awareness and knowledge of these kinds of events, you have the tools that you need to address them and, at least, protect yourself.
Be sure to protect yourself if you're dealing with a borderline when they have their vengeance switch.
