Miami: Top Ten Signs That You're Dating a Borderline Continued

Looking back, I should have known that she was a borderline based on the signs from the very beginning. I was falling hard for this girl, but she continued to throw me signals that she was shaky if not completely unstable.

I refused to listen and heed the warning signs. They were huge flags.

Sign Five: Feeling Like You're Always Proving Something to Someone, But It's Never Enough
One of the main reasons why I continued in the relationship is because the BPD was accusing me of such wild things that were so out of my character to even consider, that I first did not know how to respond but second felt like I was proving myself to this person.

I hadn't felt like this before, to this extent, and it was strange. The BPD constantly made me feel like I had to prove my trustworthiness to her.

This is where I should have known something was wrong. Trust is not something you earn. It's something that's given in time, but you still provide basic trust for people. Borderlines trust then take it away without reason. They're so unsure of themselves that they can't trust themselves, let alone anyone else.

Sign Six: Constant Scrutiny

We were to celebrate Valentines Day together, then I was scheduled to fly to Miami for business the next morning. I stopped on the long three hour drive from Delaware (where I lived) to New Jersey (where she lived) to purchase some travel luggage and to buy her a Valentine's Day card.

I rushed to the bar where we had planned on meeting, and she was there with her friend, Dawn. She was upset but keeping her cool. Later, she queried me as to what took me so long, and I had to explain myself to the point of telling her that I had to stop and get a present for her.

We went to dinner and had a decent dinner; when I went to the bathroom during dinner, I was accused of sending text messages to others. I was not happy at all about that, but again, I was trying to prove myself to her.

Sign Seven: Being Told That You're Never Good Enough

I flew out the next morning, and once I landed and got ready for the show, she started again. She told me that the present that I got her wasn't good enough and that my card was not acceptable. Something to the fact that I hadn't asked what her kids' favorite colors (I retorted that I'm the kind of person that asks the kids myself what their favorite colors are). After I got her through her anxiety for Wednesday night, I went to sleep late so I could wake for a day full of meetings, starting at 6:45.

My day's meetings on Wednesday were difficult, but I got through them. We had planned on staying for Wednesday then Thursday, and fly back on Friday morning. We spoke all night on Wednesday, and on Thursday we sent text messages to one another through part of the day. Until it all changed.

Sign Eight: Things Can Be Going Well, Then They Will Change Into Hateful People

We were sending text messages to one another and I told her that I ran into someone that I went to high school with. Her anxiety must have flown through the roof, but she suddenly lost control and broke up with me.

What did she say? I remember it to this day: You're lying to me about someone that you went to high school with. I can't be with someone who can't be truthful. When I go out tonight with my friends, I'm just going to tell them that it didn't work out

Huh? I was dumbfounded. Again. Real upset.

I called Chris and talked to him. When we discussed, he said to me, "she might be the most dangerous one yet...just promise me that you won't talk to her anymore."

That's why I love that guy. He's always looking out for my best interest, even when I'm not. We all need friends like this.

I didn't listen. I sent her an email at 8 pm laying into her. She sent me an email responding something like, "you have troubles and were going to treat me poorly. I can help you. Let me help you with your problems. " (note: she didn't say those words exactly -- it's been four years, so give me some leniency with the stories)

Sign Nine: Crazy Talk About How You're Mistreating Them

I responded, "I don't need any help, I'm just fine thank you." From there, we traded emails every day for the next few days. She continued to tell me how I was so bad, and I continued to defend myself. This continued from Thursday night into Friday and Saturday. We finally spoke on Sunday.

Sign Ten: After Treating You So Poorly, They Come Back To You

She called me on Sunday, telling me that she thought about us and wanted us to try again. She had listened to a song off the CD that I had given her for Valentine's Day, and wasn't ready to let go yet.

So, we went back out and re-established the relationship. However, the first night we spent back together was interesting. In an upcoming post, learn about the Nails.

The Borderline Vengeance Switch -- Snap Your Fingers

I recently heard from someone who has BPD tendencies who told me what it's like to be borderline and to feel the intense anxiety. One thing that they mentioned was what they called the Vengeance Switch.

If you've ever been with a borderline, you know what I'm talking about.

It's like you could snap your fingers, and the borderline changes from being this sweet, loving person who cares so much about you to a person that hates you, is so full of anger and rage that they will destroy you.

When you experience the vengeance switch, if you've experienced the vengeance switch, it can be a terrible thing to witness.

My relationship with the BPD saw the vengeance switch occur quite regularly -- every day around 3 pm, she thought that I called her to 'screw with her.' I would end up having 30 to 45 minute conversations in an attempt to make her feel better. The conversation would then continue into the night where we would talk for hours until she felt better. Most every day was like this.

When we were first dating, this switch would occur approximately two hours after we separated and I went back to my home. Like clockwork, her anxiety would reach a point where she would just freak out and call me, accusing me of something, from watching transvestites to having many girlfriends sprinkled all around the country...some of the things were so outrageous that even thinking about them makes me tired.

Borderlines will be borderlines. She needed the drama, the excitement, and all of it. She once told me that her previous boyfriend was a narcissist. She told me that she studied them and that they like living a life that is like a movie, with all the drama. I then learned that borderlines are the most narcissistic of all people.

Bottom line -- she was the narcissist, projecting her feelings onto others.

Back to the Borderline Vengeance Switch. It seems to be quite prevalent for all borderlines, and I think it's because they get so fearful, so much anxiety that it needs an outlet. This switch allows them to get their anxiety out, but unfortunately, they lose control, big time. Their fears all come out, usually in the form of blame and anger on another person.

If you feel the vengeance switch on you, remember, you've done nothing to spark that. It's something within the Borderline that has made that happen. Borderlines cycle, so if it gets too bad, get yourself out of the situation for a while.

As long as you have the right awareness and knowledge of these kinds of events, you have the tools that you need to address them and, at least, protect yourself.

Be sure to protect yourself if you're dealing with a borderline when they have their vengeance switch.