Do Borderlines Think About Their Partners After The Relationship Ends?

I thought about this quite a lot when I first got out of the relationship with the BPD. I was so hurting, so lonely, so sad, so scared.

I was lost.

We had something so special, so amazing, so incredible...I was going to marry her, but it never got better.

So I had to go. Then I thought that she would finally get it when I moved out.

She didn't. Shortly after I moved out (about 2 months), she told me that she wouldn't trust me anymore and was gone.

We talked once or twice, but she had split and I was all baaaaad...she told me how she had to move on without me, and, well, you know the story.

Moving On
They say that borderlines don't think about their old partners after they have broken up. They say that the borderline will not go back once they've moved on, they won't think about them at all. Most experts agree that this is how the borderline acts. David discusses this in his recent post.

Many borderlines have written to me and told me otherwise. BPDs need to protect themselves, more than the normal person. Their problem is that they create a situation where they can't go back.


Think about this -- if someone says that they are a victim of you, how can they go back to you? Going back to you shows that they are completely weak and devoid of any self worth. Therefore, they must have you come back to them. It's difficult for the Non, but this is how the BPD fills their well of self-worth. I remember my exBPD saying about a past boyfriend, "he begged me to come back to him...he brought me a bouquet of roses and everything..."

Oooooh! Roses make me fall to my knees and go crawling back to abusers...

Sorry, I digress. The borderline is so vulnerable and loathes themselves so much that they create a scenario where they were a victim to the non. Because of this, they set the stage where they simply cannot go back. They will not go back.

My exBPD would kick me out of her house then ask me to come back to get some of my stuff. When I would, she would Hoover me back in, and I would not leave. This happened multiple times. In the borderline's eyes, I came back to her, although she asked me to come over and get some things.

The Verdict Is...
Borderlines are people, like you and me. They may have underdeveloped parts of their brains or they may be super-sensitive to certain stimuli because of their immaturity. They still recognize long-term relationships and miss them dearly.

Three months after the BPD and I split, I put a goodbye letter in her mailbox, along with a Valentines Day card (that I did not fill out or sign -- I was such a freak--it was three weeks after Valentines Day). This started email and text message conversations where the BPD told me that she never stopped loving me and missed me dearly. However, on one instance in our exchange, she did the Borderline Vengeance Switch, and I backed off. I would not go back to her if she did not ask me to come back and admit what she had done. She wanted me to beg her to come back, and too much had gone down for me to try to beg my way back. I knew her pattern and would not succumb to it.

Three months later, the police called me and said that she had accused me of hacking onto her photo website -- something I never would have done, but she wanted me to prove my innocence to her.

They think about you, even if they don't admit it. Inside, the borderline is a lonely, scared little girl (or boy), so scared that they don't show their true feelings or emotions to anyone, even themselves.

Feel bad for them.