BPD Dissociation: Fairy Tales Made True

BPDs need turmoil to survive. They live in a world of constant drama and pitting themselves against others. It defines them and gives them identity.

What does a borderline do when things are going too well and they need something to react to?

They make it up, of course.

BPD Dissociation Defined

Those with borderline personality disorder have to believe something so much, they have to convince the world that their feelings are true. The definition of dissociation, according to Internet site Medterms.com, is a perceived detachment of the mind from the emotional state or even from the body. Dissociation is characterized by a sense of the world as a dreamlike or unreal place and may be accompanied by poor memory of the specific events.

To simplify this, if a borderline feels a certain way, has an insecurity or feels badly about it, it may just be their insecurity or their incredibly fragile sense of self worth (actually, self-loathing). The borderline will actually prove their insecurities in their mind by making up stories that fulfill their insecurities.

Think about this one -- if you were afraid that a building was going to fall down, you would make up stories about how people came and planted bombs around its foundation to make it fall down.

Does that make sense? Not at all.

Welcome to the world of BPD Dissociation.

Dissociation is one of the parts of Borderline Personality Disorder that shows that this disease is a Personality Disorder. It shows that the true Borderline lives on the border of psychosis and neurosis. They are truly troubled people that live in a world that we Nons just cannot understand. It's a world where they're allowed to make things up to fit their fleeting fantasies.

It's not a fair world for the Non.

The borderline that I was with used to tell me things that I just couldn't believe were true. Such a normal looking person saying such such outlandish things. Clearly, something just wasn't right. The stories were so far fetched, yet she believed them and made them true in her mind.

Examples of these stories and her insane dissociation is vast. Some of the most egregious ones were when I was traveling and she hired the private investigator, she told me, "you were having phone sex with someone."

I was talking to my Best Friend, Chris. Looking back, she kept me up all night after she had a private investigator tail me and find nothing by making up things.

Every day, she would make things up. She would accuse me of cheating on her, doing something, lying to her, whatever it may be, nearly every single day. The game that we played was that I would have to prove myself, prove my self worth to her, every day when she would make up these tall tales.

Dissociation Means No Win For The Non

 The problem with BPD Dissociation is that you can only argue your side so much until you feel tired and exhausted of their stories. These are fantasy stories that they have made up to prove their beliefs.

The biggest problem is that the Non who is trying to love a borderline, trying to live a good life with a borderline, simply can't do it. The borderline's fantasies will wear the Non down, will erode the Non's self esteem and sense of self worth, and can end up destroying the unsuspecting Non.

The BPD I was with was a widow. Her husband died of a drunk driving accident. He was at a work-related party and was in an accident on his way home. He had recently found out that the BPD was cheating on him with a friend of his. He had no idea about Borderline Personality Disorder or anything. Imagine how he must have felt having a wife that was cheating on him with a friend, a neighbor.

How to Address BPD Dissociation

The only way to address BPD Dissociation is to stay firm and do not give into the BPD's fantasies. If you give into their fantasies, you make them reality. You are doing a number of things here:

• You are validating their non-reality and their fantasy world
• You are going to erode your own self-esteem and self worth because the world as you know it is now unsure
• You are giving the borderline more fuel to create even more outrageous stories.

The truth is the truth. BPDs will offer you a new truth that they will come at you and tell you is reality. It's not.

Don't give into BPD dissociation. Reality is reality, and most BPDs do not know reality.

Do Borderlines Think About Their Partners After The Relationship Ends?

I thought about this quite a lot when I first got out of the relationship with the BPD. I was so hurting, so lonely, so sad, so scared.

I was lost.

We had something so special, so amazing, so incredible...I was going to marry her, but it never got better.

So I had to go. Then I thought that she would finally get it when I moved out.

She didn't. Shortly after I moved out (about 2 months), she told me that she wouldn't trust me anymore and was gone.

We talked once or twice, but she had split and I was all baaaaad...she told me how she had to move on without me, and, well, you know the story.

Moving On
They say that borderlines don't think about their old partners after they have broken up. They say that the borderline will not go back once they've moved on, they won't think about them at all. Most experts agree that this is how the borderline acts. David discusses this in his recent post.

Many borderlines have written to me and told me otherwise. BPDs need to protect themselves, more than the normal person. Their problem is that they create a situation where they can't go back.


Think about this -- if someone says that they are a victim of you, how can they go back to you? Going back to you shows that they are completely weak and devoid of any self worth. Therefore, they must have you come back to them. It's difficult for the Non, but this is how the BPD fills their well of self-worth. I remember my exBPD saying about a past boyfriend, "he begged me to come back to him...he brought me a bouquet of roses and everything..."

Oooooh! Roses make me fall to my knees and go crawling back to abusers...

Sorry, I digress. The borderline is so vulnerable and loathes themselves so much that they create a scenario where they were a victim to the non. Because of this, they set the stage where they simply cannot go back. They will not go back.

My exBPD would kick me out of her house then ask me to come back to get some of my stuff. When I would, she would Hoover me back in, and I would not leave. This happened multiple times. In the borderline's eyes, I came back to her, although she asked me to come over and get some things.

The Verdict Is...
Borderlines are people, like you and me. They may have underdeveloped parts of their brains or they may be super-sensitive to certain stimuli because of their immaturity. They still recognize long-term relationships and miss them dearly.

Three months after the BPD and I split, I put a goodbye letter in her mailbox, along with a Valentines Day card (that I did not fill out or sign -- I was such a freak--it was three weeks after Valentines Day). This started email and text message conversations where the BPD told me that she never stopped loving me and missed me dearly. However, on one instance in our exchange, she did the Borderline Vengeance Switch, and I backed off. I would not go back to her if she did not ask me to come back and admit what she had done. She wanted me to beg her to come back, and too much had gone down for me to try to beg my way back. I knew her pattern and would not succumb to it.

Three months later, the police called me and said that she had accused me of hacking onto her photo website -- something I never would have done, but she wanted me to prove my innocence to her.

They think about you, even if they don't admit it. Inside, the borderline is a lonely, scared little girl (or boy), so scared that they don't show their true feelings or emotions to anyone, even themselves.

Feel bad for them.

Believe -- Revisited

Quite some time ago, I wrote about my Believe sign that I got for the BPD, how she continually threw it out to the point that I eventually took it, and the journey that I have taken with this sign.

Believe has changed in meaning over the years. It has continued to evolve and grow as life has evolved and grown.

As someone who was in a relationship with a Borderline Personality, I fell into too many traps, including:

• Believing that I could help make this person feel better
• Believing that this person would eventually change
• Believing that she would see beyond her issues and see my soul
  

My beliefs were unreasonable and unrealistic. I put too much pressure on myself, and ultimately felt like I took too much responsibility for the relationship. I knew that she was a borderline, yet I was willing to stay in the relationship if she helped herself. Eventually, she ran and I stopped chasing her.

When I got through the relationship, I wrote about how I believed in all these wonderful things, such as the beauty in people, pure love and the like.

As I've aged, this has evolved. I still believe in all the things mentioned in the Believe post, but it's taken on a much bigger meaning.

Now, it's a belief that I have in something bigger than me, bigger than anyone. It's a belief in God and Jesus Christ, a higher spirit that has paid for my sins.

This blog is not about spirituality or developing a spiritual side -- I'm working on planning a blog for this and should have something in the next few months, so stay tuned. With that said, developing a spiritual side is so important to your recovery.


Losing The Narcissist Inside
When you develop a spiritual side of yourself, you learn that there was a self-important side of yourself that thought they were probably too important. You suddenly lose narcissistic tendencies and step into a much more humble role. Even when I read my early writings in this blog, I see these tendencies in myself.

Go back to church. Talk to a pastor. Learn about Jesus Christ and what he did for each of us, and the change that you go through when you accept him into your life. I can attest that it truly is a supernatural change that you go through and it's like nothing that you'll ever experience. You can truly become 'born again'.

For those that are interested in such a change and need more information, email me at mybpdrecovery@gmail.com. I'll be sure to point you in the right direction.

The Believe sign has grown from believing in myself and the love of things to believing in God and Heaven on Earth, which I believe that I'm living now. It's not always easy, but it's real nice. Believe will always have a power over me because it keeps me focused, keeps me humble and keeps me understanding what a wonderful adventure we have here on earth.





Come to me now
And lay Your hands over me
Will You find me tonight
Say it will be alright
And I will believe

Broken in two
I know You’re on to me
That I only come home
When I’m so all alone
But I do believe

That not everything I gonna be
The way you think it ought to be
It seems like everytime I try and make it right
It all comes down on me
Please say honestly You won’t give up on me
And I shall believe

Open the door
And show me Your face tonight
I know it’s true
No one heals me like You
And You hold the key

Never again will I turn away from You
I’m so heavy tonight
But Your love is alright
And I do believe