Fallen

I heard a song today that reminded me of my life after I separated with my now ex wife. I remember having so much shame about leaving the marriage that this song typified what I was feeling. I never dealt with that, I just kept moving forward until I met the BPD two years later.



Heaven bent to take my hand
And lead me from the fire
Be the long awaited answer
To a long and painful fight

Truth be told I tried my best
But somewhere along the way
I got caught up in all there was to offer
And the cost was so much more than I could bear

Though I've tried, I've fallen...
I have sunk so low
I have messed up
Better I should know

So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so...

We all begin with good intent
Love was raw and young
We believed that we could change ourselves
The past could be undone
But we carry on our backs the burden time always reveals

The lonely light of morning
The wound that will not heal
It's the bitter taste of losing everything that I have held so dear

I've fallen...
I have sunk so low
I have messed up
Better I should know
[these lyrics are found on http://www.songlyrics.com]
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so...

Heaven bent to take my hand
Nowhere left to turn
I'm lost to those I thought were friends
To everyone I know
Oh they turn their heads embarassed
Pretend that they don't see
But it's one missed step
You'll slip before you know it
And there doesn't seem a way to be redeemed

Though I've tried, I've fallen...
I have sunk so low
I have messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so...

-- Sarah McLaughlin



I was primed for a relationship with a BPD. I was better than when I felt like this, but only a little better.

The BPD pumped me up, made me feel great when I was going through so much difficulty with the marriage ending. I wanted to build another family and I wanted one fast. Replace what you have and then life is back to normal. She gave me everything that I wanted. Once she had me hooked, she put her misery on me, slowly but surely.