Drama proves to the BPD that they are important, that they matter to the world. The BPD proves to themselves that they matter by testing their partners, setting boundaries and seeing how big the boundaries are that their partner will break.
What works best for the BPD is when the partner actually breaks the boundaries. This allows them to be victims, something that the BPD loves.
The Borderline that I was with used to tell me about Bob, her old boyfriend, and the boundaries that he broke:
- After they had broken up, he came back to her with a bouquet of roses, begging for her to take him back.
- After they had broken up, he came back to her with a bouquet of roses, begging for her to take him back.
- He used to break into her house to see her, going through a window when he wanted to get into the house
- She would tell him that she was calling the police and not to come over. He would tell her what the phone number for the police was and would say that he's on his way over, coming over.
- He actually kicked down a door in her garage to get into her house.
I must disclaim that these are accusations that the BPD made about Bob. Whether they are real or not, I'm not sure. My conversation with Bob indicated a whole different story. Read more about the Bob story in these two entries: Saint Patrick's Day and More About Bob.
She used to tell me that Bob was a narcissist, a liar, someone who had huge rage issues and childhood issues. Looking back, I know that she was talking about herself.
Borderlines by nature are quite narcissistic (narcissism by definition is excessive love or admiration of one's self) as they have to mask their incredible self-loathing underneath. Someone who has this loathing finds that they are valuable through the drama. It's like they are in a movie, so the drama proves who they are.
The Borderline's world was this movie. Unfortunately, with me, I didn't want the movie. I would calm her world, every day, and push the movie out. When I traveled, the movie would come back and she had to hire private investigators. The borderline wanted the movie so bad that she conjured events that didn't happen.
After I moved out of living with the borderline, her movie started once again. She would rage on me. One time where I wasn't proud of my actions (I called her about 20 times in an hours time when she wouldn't answer the phone), she told me, "if you come over, I'm calling the police."
That was the line that I couldn't cross. We saw each other once after that, and she came over. I never went near her house after that.
The BPD lives on this drama. They want their life to be an exciting movie. In the next installment, read the drama that the BPD really likes: Sexual Drama.
It's incredible,i used to say to my ex BPD, "Drama directed by,produced by and OF COURSE starring Bert!"(BPD).
ReplyDeleteI look forward to your next blog. In my relationship with the BPD sex was his weapon. To detroy my confidence,my self esteem,me. He would push me away if i initiated sex,it had to be on his terms or not at all. At first i thought there was a reason. Perhaps he was depressed or upset over something. His labido might have declined for these reasons. Then i found out when i was at work,he would relieve himself watching porn. Some may think that's better than another woman. When your in a loving,healthy relationship should you not want share all of yourself with your partner? It's clear to me now why he did this. I felt ugly,undesirable and accepted gratefully any affection he gave me. God i'm so glad i got out of it.
my ex and i would be having a perfectly normal time and out of nowhere she would just create drama.... now two months out and I havent been in contact at all ... so she turns up randomly in my town asking to see me and creating a whole load more drama cos refuse to acknowledge her... totally self created mess and drama to get some attention....
ReplyDelete