When in a borderline relationship, there are too many things that are about the person inflicted with Borderline Personality Disorder:
- You are constantly making your partner feel good about themselves, alleviating them of their misery
- You are always helping them and supporting them with their constant self-loathing
- You continually are on your guard, waiting for the next time that the borderline will attack you, which will probably be just when you try to let your guard down for a moment
So, when you leave the relationship, you need to make things about you, for a change.
That's how the Me Project was born. Coming out of the relationship, I was hurting, hurting like I hadn't hurt before. So emotionally scarred, soft and tender, in so much pain, trying to get through each day, sometimes trying to get through each hour.
Those were bad times. I wouldn't wish them on anyone. I remember sitting at my family's house on Christmas 2007, tears running down my eyes as I laid on the couch. So alone after I had put so much into this relationship. I got nothing back and walked away feeling terrible -- probably another indication of such a dysfunctional relationship.
Over the next six months, I healed. Sometimes I felt great, while other times, not so great. I regressed quite a bit in March when we traded emails and text messages, then continued my recovery through the year.
Today, nearly two years after she and I last saw one another, I can say that I have healed. I have let go, I have forgiven her from the pain she inflicted on me, and I have moved on.
While the Me Project continues, this blog is no longer about me.
It's about each of you.
It's about you recovering Non's that have just learned that the person you dated (or are dating) probably has Borderline Personality Disorder.
It's about you Non's that just had your heart broken, ripped into shreds, by someone that you think is BPD.
It's about those of you that are recovering from a highly dysfunctional relationship. You don't know what happened, but you just feel raw. Like someone pulled a rug out from under your feet, and you landed on your head. Hard.
It's about you that suspect that you have Borderline Personality Disorder. You just don't get what your partners are screaming about. Why they keep saying these things to you and what it means.
So, the time for myself on this blog has now changed. I'll continue to provide life updates and tell my stories, but I'm also going to use material that you send me (send to mybpdrecovery@blogspot.com).
Thanks to each of you for helping to shape this blog -- please continue shaping this blog as we move into the future. Send me your comments, questions and general rants.
Welcome to the Us Project. It's not just my recovery anymore; it's yours too.
Thank you so much for making it an us project, myself and a friend off mine are an 'us' project we have been helping eachother as we have both been envolved with a BPD male ( not the same one )but the story is similiar.
ReplyDeleteSince finding your blog evrything seems to make more sense, we read it together and gasp at the similaritys off the relationship you had as it is so similiar to our own
i can totally relate to your statement about making the BPD feal good about themselfs, or always doing things to make them happy But nothing ever comes back in return except abuse put downs etc its never a two way street & being a giver he just took, self obsessed self centred indaviduals
Thank you for carrying on with this blog & i hope you know how much this is helping me
thank you