Things Get Better -- Much Better

I haven't provided a posting in a while, yet visitors keep coming to the blog, which, in turn, makes me feel like I should post. One of the main reasons that I feel so compelled to post is when I review the keywords. 

As someone who was up to his eyeballs one year ago as I began to detach from a person inflicted with Borderline Personality Disorder, I've been there.

As someone who is close to, if not fully, healed from the scars that a relationship with a BPD inflicts on you, you CAN get out and live a better life.

I've been there. I know the feeling. I never thought that I could do it. You can do it if you want though.

How To Get Out Of A Borderline Relationship For Good:

1. Create a solid support system of friends, family, co-workers, 12-step, support group...whatever you can before you leave the relationship. Have people to lean on when you need them. In the end, though, this is YOUR decision, and you will have difficult times. Just be prepared for them.

2. Commit to yourself -- commit to improving yourself and making yourself feel better. If you feel that you were codependent (you probably were), join groups like Al-Anon. See a therapist.

3. Be sure to get spiritual fulfillment -- Go to church, synogague or whatever form of organized religion that you subscribe. It's critical to have this support while going through this type of change.

4. Recognize that you will have difficult times, but these difficult times will make you a better, stronger and more secure person. Change is difficult, but in the end, it helps you become a better person.

5. Spend your free time with your support system and have friends that you consider "lifelines" when you need them.

6. While healing, learn about yourself -- learn why you fell into such a relationship, what warning signs to look for in the future, and how to ensure that you are treated well in the future.

7. Frequent websites like www.bpdcentral.com and the Welcome To Oz newsgroup. These support groups are invaluable as you sever ties with a BPD and begin to understand what happened.

You can and will be a better person in the end.

I realized that the relationship was critical to my development -- critical to making me a whole person. To be the person I am today, I had to endure quite a lot of difficulty -- quite a lot of abuse from the BPD relationship. Now, I am a stronger, more confident and secure person.

Good luck in your journey. It can get better and you can get out of it. 

Post Script One -- LIfe after BPD

It's been 9 months since the relationship with the BPD ended for good. We haven't had contact for nearly 6 months.

I'm now living life after being with a Borderline.

I never thought I would be where I am now. I'm once again back to myself. Not scanning rooms, making sure that the BPD is not somewhere before entering a restaurant, store, or any other public place. No longer fearing everything.

You can take your life back after being with a borderline, and life can be better than ever.

Relationships are particularly difficult after a relationship with a Borderline. It takes time to replace bad memories with good ones, and it takes time to reprogram yourself so you aren't so fearful of everything that the BPD used to punish you for. The list could be lengthy.

Depending on the relationship, it's like reprogramming yourself after suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. When one is ready (and only when they are ready), one has to find a person who is very patient and understands that you can recover.

The good news is that you're not permanently damaged; you're only damaged permanently if you want that plight. If not, do the work and make yourself better.

I have met a wonderful woman who was patient with me. She's so wonderful and so patient. When we first started dating months ago, she saw my fear and the damage that the relationship had done to me. I couldn't go to the bathroom without the fear of accusation setting in. Now, we joke about scratches on my body.

I never thought I could joke about such things. She is a wonderful, understanding woman.

The nice thing is that there is life and healthy relationships after a relationship with a BPD. Life is better than ever. I've learned to appreciate the important things in life, ignore the unimportant, and have gained an understanding of many things that I never before fathomed.

Why Did I Get Into A Relationship With A BPD In The First Place?
I ask myself this question quite frequently. I think that it happened because I was having such shame about the marriage, and the BPD offered me the life that I always wanted. Unfortunately, the life was an illusion and not real. Once we were together, it quickly unfolded, but I was caught in the BPDs lair at this point.

The BPD's negativity caused me to overcompensate by over-committing. I over committed on every aspect, and this was my demise. I was emotionally, physically and financially over committed because of the BPDs disposition. Life was clearly not right, but I just wanted to make it right.

I now understand. I now live in a healthy relationship with no drama. We don't fight. We discuss issues that we have, and we resolve them. I may have needed the relationship with the BPD to reinforce the good in the current relationship.

Life is good, even after a relationship with a BPD. You can get out, and you can thrive. Don't forget it.

The Chapter Ends

Well, it's time to close this chapter of my life. What a chapter it has been. I've grown more in the past few years than I have in the rest of my adult life, and I've emerged that person that I always wanted to be. I've renewed my faith in my religion, have gotten to a point of content, and have truly believed in myself and in the goodness of humanity once again.

As I'm reaching this point of being content and pushing out this positive energy, this positive energy attracts someone who's amazing, and someone who I knew over 20 years ago. I went to high school with her; we were acquaintances that were in similar, but always different circles.

We met on an online dating site and didn't realize that we knew one another or went to the same high school until we had been communicating for days. The initial attraction was there and was developing quickly without each of us knowing that we knew each other, but it all gelled -- quite quickly -- once we knew who each of us was.

The strange thing is that I remembered her voice, yet she said we never talked. I remembered it vividly. I also remembered the jacket she wore, although she said that we never talked. I remembered that vividly and remembered the people that she hung around with as well.

Despite the picture that I had in my head of her, she still looked a little different in the picture. When I saw her though, I knew that it was her - she looked the same except she dyed her hair blonde. What did she say to me? "You look exactly the same."

Since seeing each other the first time, we've spent quite a bit of time together. We spent an entire weekend together, away and playing on the beach.

We fit quite well together from every perspective. We have fun like there's no tomorrow, we laugh together, we love together; we are affectionate all the time, and we support one another. We have a true partnership, and the care that we have for one another emanates from us.

You Can Have a Healthy Relationship After A Borderline Relationship

I stayed in the relationship with the BPD for a long time because I was afraid that I would never have many of the things that I had with her. With my new partner, I have all of those things and more without any drama, dysfunction or abuse on me. It's all possible, if you do the work and believe in yourself.

I believed in myself, and it happened. Anyone who was in a relationship with a partner inflicted with Borderline Personality Disorder can heal themselves and have a functional relationship after their relationship with the BPD, but they must properly heal themselves. It's probably the most difficult process that I've been through, but I now feel much better.

I've replaced most of the bad memories that the BPD had put into my head, but some will still emerge. When they do, I easily clear them and laugh about them quite regularly -- someone should never accuse you of sending text messages when you're going to the bathroom -- that's just silly.

Like I've said before, the relationship made me grow quite a bit. Now, it's time to develop a solid, functional relationship with a wonderful woman that shares my spirit, my soul, my faith, my love of life. We have infinite possibilities together, and we know that. We also have a long road ahead of us before our relationship can be permanent, but we're both optimistic, which is nice.

You can have a quite happy, healthy life after a relationship with a Borderline.

I hope you've enjoyed these journals and the story of this part of my life with a BPD. With that, I bid you adieu.

My Angel

I've recently learned that angels come in and out of your life every day, and most of them don't have wings.

I had an angel come into my life on Saturday, and I think she's going to be staying for some time.

A kindred spirit. She gets it. She gets me, and I know that by what she's said to me and told me, how she's spoken to me, and the experiences that we have shared. I think I get her too. I feel so comfortable, yet so excited.

I've known my angel for more than 20 years; I wasn't ready for her until now, but now I'm ready. She even said that she was looking for someone who was ready. I haven't told her, but I'm ready.

I think she's ready.

I did the work. I became content, happy with myself. Happy to do things as a single man. I renewed my faith, prayed for God to help me heal and let go of my baggage. I've felt the bricks come off my shoulders, most of them about a month ago, but they continued to fall off.

Once that happened, the world changed. I felt it. I began to feel like I was walking on air all of the time.

Then she came into my life.

Her words. Her mannerisms. Her attitude. Her heart. Her appearance. She is beautiful, inside and out.

Only time will tell, but I think I met my angel.

Sunshine In My Eyes

I want to be that person -- the one who always has sunshine in his eyes.

I want to be the person that others look at, and they see light beaming from me. They see hope, they see joy, they see happiness.

I want it to emanate from me, and I want others to feed off of it (in a healthy way), bringing relationships, situations, whatever it may be, to new levels.

I want the sunshine, the positive energy, to pour out of me.

I want others to feel it, use it constructively, and I want them to believe. I want them to believe in themselves and in the good of mankind.

Goodness must emanate from our souls. It must pour out. If it does, what a wonderful world.

What a wonderful world.