Thursday, August 7, 2008

Post Script One -- LIfe after BPD

It's been 9 months since the relationship with the BPD ended for good. We haven't had contact for nearly 6 months.

I'm now living life after being with a Borderline.

I never thought I would be where I am now. I'm once again back to myself. Not scanning rooms, making sure that the BPD is not somewhere before entering a restaurant, store, or any other public place. No longer fearing everything.

You can take your life back after being with a borderline, and life can be better than ever.

Relationships are particularly difficult after a relationship with a Borderline. It takes time to replace bad memories with good ones, and it takes time to reprogram yourself so you aren't so fearful of everything that the BPD used to punish you for. The list could be lengthy.

Depending on the relationship, it's like reprogramming yourself after suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. When one is ready (and only when they are ready), one has to find a person who is very patient and understands that you can recover.

The good news is that you're not permanently damaged; you're only damaged permanently if you want that plight. If not, do the work and make yourself better.

I have met a wonderful woman who was patient with me. She's so wonderful and so patient. When we first started dating months ago, she saw my fear and the damage that the relationship had done to me. I couldn't go to the bathroom without the fear of accusation setting in. Now, we joke about scratches on my body.

I never thought I could joke about such things. She is a wonderful, understanding woman.

The nice thing is that there is life and healthy relationships after a relationship with a BPD. Life is better than ever. I've learned to appreciate the important things in life, ignore the unimportant, and have gained an understanding of many things that I never before fathomed.

Why Did I Get Into A Relationship With A BPD In The First Place?
I ask myself this question quite frequently. I think that it happened because I was having such shame about the marriage, and the BPD offered me the life that I always wanted. Unfortunately, the life was an illusion and not real. Once we were together, it quickly unfolded, but I was caught in the BPDs lair at this point.

The BPD's negativity caused me to overcompensate by over-committing. I over committed on every aspect, and this was my demise. I was emotionally, physically and financially over committed because of the BPDs disposition. Life was clearly not right, but I just wanted to make it right.

I now understand. I now live in a healthy relationship with no drama. We don't fight. We discuss issues that we have, and we resolve them. I may have needed the relationship with the BPD to reinforce the good in the current relationship.

Life is good, even after a relationship with a BPD. You can get out, and you can thrive. Don't forget it.