Monday, October 9, 2017

Five Years (Written Many Years Ago - 2013

I recently celebrated an anniversary of sorts -- five years of no contact with the BPD. That's right, it's been five years since I have been in that relationship.

Ironically, there are still things that still haunt me about her. I still watch out for her over my back, particularly when I'm in the mall or other places where she used to frequent. More on that in future posts.

You Can Live a Normal Life After a BPD Relationship

After living in the crazy world of the borderline, you can go back to normal. It may take you time to heal (and you may suffer some Post Traumatic Stress Disorder), but you can get back to normal.

One of the most important parts of getting back to normal is severing as much contact as possible. Depending on the borderline and the severity of their illness, keeping contact with them can become a large liability.

At the end of the relationship, the borderline that I was dating was beginning to get violent. Not only that, there were times that, during an argument, she threatened calling the police if I came over.

The last thing that I want is to get involved with the law over a relationship. It becomes a game of 'she said, he said,' which ultimately is no win.

Ironically, I got a phone call from the police recently where she had contacted them accusing me of breaking into her computer, cyberstalking her and posting things using her Facebook account. She also accused me of breaking into her vehicle and marking up her seats. This had evidently not been the first time that she had contacted the police as they said that the year before, she accused me of slashing her tires.

Just so we're clear, at this point, I had been in a serious relationship and actually had married as well. I wonder what my wife would think it I had actually done this.

I actually went to the police station and had to issue a statement to these allegations. I asked the officer what I needed to do to make sure that these kinds of allegations did not continue. He politely informed me that he suspected that they would stop at this point. They have (this was in 2013).

Post script -- it's now 2017 (nearly 10 years after the relationship) -- I haven't heard from her at all. Things can get back to normal, but it does take time. 

Friday, October 6, 2017

The Road and Travels Continue

It's been a number of years since I contributed to this post as my life has moved on, and for the most part, I have recovered from the relationship. It took time, it was very painful, it required counseling, but it can be done. For those of you that are just getting out, I have felt your pain, and it hurts, no matter what you do. The good part of it is that you can get through it, and the pain will get easier, and will eventually go away.

I've written many of the insights that I'm about to discuss here, but they are worth repeating. First and foremost, make sure that you actually feel the pain. Don't bury the pain in alcohol or exercise (although my opinion is that you can't exercise too much) or another partner, as the pain needs to come out, and it will come out eventually in some ways.

Just as important, when you're ready to heal, you're going to need to do the work. This most likely means seeing a professional to understand what drew you to the borderline and how you got sucked in. I know that the borderline offered a lot of things to me that I had never had before and a (false) sense of security, so I fell hook, line and sinker.

You'll also have to be willing to make changes in yourself, which can be the most challenging. It's always someone else's fault - to harbor that blame and make healthy changes is difficult and requires commitment.

I'll try to periodically post as I continue my journey. Use this site as a stepping board to move on in your life. Show the healthy side of things and where you can go. Let's make the site a place where we can show the amazing things that you can do after living through a relationship with a borderline!