Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Include Comments From BPDs on a Relationship Recovery Site?

I've thought long and hard about this, and I've gotten many, many comments from BPDs over the years.

I think I've published only one of their comments to date.

I've asked each of you, this blog's loyal readers, what you think about publishing comments from BPD. Some of you have said no way while others have said sure.

After weighing in each of your comments, I've settled that for the most part, this site will not publish BPD comments, unless those comments will benefit the person who is a non and recovering from a current or past relationship with a BPD.

Make sense?

In other words:
- I will not publish comments (or articles) from BPDs where they are just talking about themselves to make themselves feel good. I will, however, publish comments and articles from non's who are hurting and need to feel better.
- I will not publish comments (or articles) from BPDs who are providing comment or insight when it does not positively impact and help the non
- I will publish comments (or articles) from BPDs that help the Non heal and give them insights into the mind and behaviors of a BPD

I recently published a comment from A Rose Covered In Thorns (did I date you?) because it was so insightful, and it benefited the Non community if they read into the mind of a BPD. Excellent comment that was quite helpful.

However, for the most part, I'm not going to publish most BPD comments. They don't help us that are recovering from relationships, so they don't help the core goal of this site.

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

BPD Relationship Recovery Step 7: Find Spiritual Fulfillment

You've gotten out (or you are planning to get out) of a relationship with someone who is suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder, or you have gotten out of a relationship in general. You're healing, but you still hurt, Man, sometimes, the pain is pretty great.

Your healing process is okay, as you've found others that are feeling your pain, you've mentally committed to healing, and you're starting to do the work. You're also working on yourself, and you're not going out and drinking excessively, or doing other self-medicating activities.

Still, you need something else. There's something missing.

Spiritual Fulfillment Helps Make You Whole

Most healthy humans walk around this earth looking for some type of purpose and reason. Once our basic needs are met, we need to fulfill our more advanced needs -- Abraham Maslow, in his Heirarchy of Needs, refers to it as Self Actualization.

I'm sorry to say that so many of us are so broken, so painfully broken, that we can never get to a point where we can look outside of our tainted self. We are so sad, so hurt, so traumatized that the world is such a painful place and we are protecting ourselves from this pain.

These recovery steps help you start to clear away the pain that you're feeling. By interacting with others, you begin to trust again - you begin to trust others and yourself.

I'm all over the place here, I know, but back to my point. As you uncover more of yourself and shed the pain that you are feeling-- you're going to want more. Humans need to feel this actualization, which often comes in the form of spiritual fulfillment.

Why does this work?

If we're a part of something bigger, then we have meaning. If we worship a God, then we have meaning. We are no longer the center of the universe. Those that suffer from narcissism think that they are the center of the universe, so they are not part of a bigger universe.

Borderlines are usually quite narcissistic because they have to be the center of the universe in their minds. They cannot get away from their pain, their insecurities, their fears, so they have to be the center of the universe.

Those of us that were in relationships with Borderlines ended up putting the borderline in the center of our universe. Often, we had our family or our job or our friends or activities in the center of our universe. Clearly, all these things change, so our lives are not stabile.

Spirituality helps us stabilize ourselves.

I personally believe that my Lord and Savior is Jesus Christ, the son of God. However, I respect all religion, be it Buddhism, Christianity or any other religion, as long as the religion does not require violence and is based on love and spiritual fulfillment.

The Basics of Religion and Sprituality

There are many books that provide basic information on religion, but organized religion provides a solid foundation for healing. Good churches will actually help you get meaning, then will help you shed your pain, grow through your shortcomings and pains so you can see the world and live a more fulfilled life.

Through a good church, you could:
- Attend support group meetings
- Volunteer for helping the homeless and the needy
- Join a community of supportive, positive people

The list continues, but you see where I'm going here. The right church for you, be it a Christian church, a Buddhist Temple, a Mosque or a Synagogue, will give you a good foundation.

Borderlines and Spirituality

Many people who are suffering from BPD will be ultra-religious. It allows the borderline an outlet for much of their obsessive behavior and attitudes, to the point of unhealthy. There are stories (I haven't confirmed) that BPDs will often join cults and other groups like this.

Spiritual fulfillment grounds you, takes yourself (or your family or other distractions) out of the center of our universe, and keeps us well-rounded and grounded.

Recommended Readings:

Philosophy: Back to Basics