Thursday, April 16, 2009

Just Feel Better

Every once in a while, I find things that are from when I was hurting badly and trying to recover from the relationship with the BPD. I found such a thing today -- my New Years' Resolutions and the 20 Good Things About Me. 
That's right, that's how hurting I was -- I had to actually pen 20 good things about me.
What's worse is that it took me a while to think of 20 things.
I did think of 20 things. Here they are:
  1. I'm smart
  2. I'm funny
  3. I'm well-rounded
  4. I'm attractive
  5. I'm well mannered
  6. I'm outgoing
  7. Conversational
  8. Caring/Compassionate
  9. Friendly
  10. Personable
  11. Loyal
  12. Dependable
  13. Secure
  14. Athletic
  15. Disciplined/Focused
  16. Laid back
  17. Accepting
  18. Musical
  19. Energetic
  20. Expressive
There's a part of me that can't believe that I sunk so low that I didn't know these things about me. How could I forget these things?

Forgive Yourself
After coming out of a relationship with a BPD, you feel so bad for yourself for so many reasons -- how could I let this happen? How could I have been treated so poorly? How could I accept this? I can't believe that I put so much into this and it still fell apart; etc.

Bottom line -- you have to forgive yourself and allow yourself the time to heal. I had such difficulty with that. I knew that I had to heal, but I was impatient, so afraid of being alone again, that I tried to shortcut the process. Although we can do the right things, the process is the process, and it takes time.

The hardest thing is forgiving yourself. It's the most important element though. You must forgive yourself so you can move forward and heal properly. If not, your wound never heals, but you're just covering it up.

I'm still healing in some ways. I still can't believe I sunk so low, and I still am recovering from the financial woes. Soon enough, I'll be out of the woods, but I'm giving myself the time that it needs.

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