Friday, October 9, 2009

Self Esteem

One thing that you quickly discover about a relationship with a Borderline is that they have low self esteem. Probably the lowest of anyone you've ever met. The strange thing is that their self esteem levels don't seem to ever increase or get to a healthy level. They have such constant self loathing that it's amazing. You end up spending the majority of your time helping them feel better about themselves.

This is one of the main reasons why BPDs are so unstable. Those that have low self esteem and such self loathing are so seriously impacted by external events that their worlds are regularly rocked. The partner of a BPD ends up having to continually rebuild the borderline's worlds.

Can A BPD Partner Maintain Healthy Self Esteem Levels?

This is probably the most difficult thing for a Non who is with a BPD. How do you stay out of the abyss of the Borderline, falling into their chasm of misery and self-hate?

It's difficult, and I wasn't able to do it. Those of us that choose to enter a relationship with a BPD without fully understanding that they are borderline usually have something in our makeup which requires correction -- somewhere that the needs of a BPD fits well. I was always a fixer, always a rescuer. I will always be one but I have learned healthy boundaries and ways to meet my rescuer personality without creating an imbalance in the relationship. In many relationships, my rescuer ways created large imbalances. I am always trying to keep this level healthy, even in my current relationship.

In the end, the dysfunction of my relationship with the BPD would never have let me maintain healthy self esteem levels. I needed to act in a codependent level with the BPD, or she would have run -- she always tried to run, but I chased her.

I guess that I should have let her go sooner.

In the end, I'm not sure if a Non who is in a relationship with a BPD can maintain a healthy self esteem level. If they maintain solid boundaries and do things to maintain a positive self-image, I guess that they can. However, there are simply too many obstacles in doing this.

Self esteem is tricky, and maintaining healthy levels is difficult for many. Combine that with a BPD, and life gets much tougher -- very quckly.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Please tell me your story and how it relates to Borderline Personality Disorder. I appreciate any and all comments that you leave on this blog, and as long as they do not contain inappropriate language or are not on-topic, will publish them. Please note that I cannot respond to blogs as this is an anonymous blog. However, I will publish all appropropriate comments.