From the start, I knew that the BPD had issues. When we were together for about six months, after she and I had a blow-out fight, she says to me, "I have a confession to make." She then proceeds to tell me that she had been on Ephedra, the once-legal diet drug, since the relationship began. She was just getting herself off of it, according to her.
She then proceeded to tell me how she was researching Ephedra and learned about the common side effects -- moodiness, generalized anxiety, etc.
Stall Tactics
I was blown away. I thought that this was the reason for all of her crazy actions and feelings. This ephedra made her so suspicious, so anxious, so upset, so accusing. Aaaaaaaaaah, now I could be with the woman that I first met. That sweet, loving woman.
Of course, it didn't last long. She went back to her ways, her accusations, her constantly critical person that had me under the microscope. I would ask her "are you taking that medication again?" She would tell me no. Who's to tell what is the truth.
She told me that when she would take the medication, it caused her heart to race, sometimes out of control. This is a woman who would have panic attacks, feeling like she was having a heart attack.
A couple of months before we ended everything, I found a bag of pills of hers. I'm not sure what they were, but she denied that they were ephedra.
Medications That Treat BPD
There are some medications that effectively treat BPD. Before I met the BPD, she said that she was on Effexor for some time on advice from her friend -- clearly, others saw that she had issues.
From what I have read, Effexor is one of the most effective drugs for treating those that display BPD symptoms. More information about specific drugs and how they treat BPD can be found here.
However, she said that the Effexor made her gain weight, so she quickly stopped taking the medication.
After the first time that she kicked her out, I tried to take her to a psychiatrist to help medicate her and calm her down. I thought that this was the only chance that we had.
Unfortunately, she told me that I had the problems. The pressure that she put on me was enormous, and she never would accept medication until we had broken up.
Others find Celexa quite useful, and many BPDs that I have communicated with now take Celexa.
BPD or Not?
The BPD I was with never admitted that she had BPD, yet she was on a BPD medication. She felt so strongly about this that she insisted that I had BPD. Is the Borderline's world that crazy where they can change history right in front of your eyes? I guess so.
The BPD and I both took Wellbutrin when trying to stop smoking together. She suffered many of the side effects of the drug, however, including paranoia and suicidal thoughts. She would tell me, "it doesn't matter if I'm here, maybe I just should finish myself off for once and all." Needless to say, she didn't last on Wellbutrin for long.
Clearly, the right medications are good for a BPD, provided they will take them and will not suffer from the side effects. It may take time to find out which is right, but if the Borderline in your life will take them, it may make your life much better.
