Save Your Soul: Borderline Torture

It's one of those stories that you hate to tell, but it's true. One of those examples of abuse by a borderline. One that when you look back, you can't believe that you put up with it.

The problem is that when you look back, it was so strange and bizarre, so much something that you cannot explain, that you just block it out. However, when you look back, you know that it was detrimental.

One Sunday, the borderline fires up the stereo and puts on the Jewel song, "Who Will Save Your Soul." Then she comes to me, looks at me, and starts singing the lyrics.

People living their lives for you on TV
They say they're better than you and you agree
He says "Hold my calls from behind those cold brick walls"
Says "Come here boys, there ain't nothing for free"
Another doctor's bill, a lawyer's bill
Another cute cheap thrill
You know you love him if you put in your will

Who will save your soul when it comes to the flower
Who will save your soul after all the lies that you told, boy
Who will save your soul if you won't save your own?

We try to hustle them, try to bustle them, try to cuss them
The cops want someone to bust down on Orleans Avenue
Another day, another dollar, another war, another tower
Went up where the homeless had their homes
So we pray to as many different God's as there are flowers
But we call religion our friend
We're so worried about saving our souls
Afraid that God will take His toll
That we forget to begin

Who will save your soul when it comes to the flower
Who will save your soul after all the lies that you told, boy
Who will save your soul if you won't save your own?

Some are walking, some are talking, some are stalking their kill
You got social security, but that don't pay your bills
There are addictions to feed and there are mouths to pay
So you bargain with the Devil, say you're OK for today,
You say that you love them, take their money and run
Say it's been swell, sweetheart, but it was just one of those things
Those flings, those strings you've got to cut,
So get out on the streets, girls, and bust you butts.

Who will save you soul when it comes to the flower
Who will save you soul after all the lies that you told, boy
Who will save your soul if you won't save you own?

I was dumbfounded. She was convinced that I was telling lies, telling more lies, telling more lies. These were the things that chipped away at you, slowly but surely, you slowly but surely have more and more taken away from you.


When the person that you love, that you are willing to spend your life with, is telling you about lies that you've told, it hurts, plain and simple. How could she think such things about me? How could she tell me that I am lying to her when I tell her, time and time again, that I'm being honest?
- All the three hours talks
- All the efforts
- All the time that I spent trying to make her feel more comfortable
- All the lunchtimes I spent with her trying to make her feel comfortable
- All the fights that I accepted responsibility for things that I didn't do wrong
- The times that she kicked me out of her house and changed the locks, twice, but I came back because I thought she understood


It didn't matter. She still thought that I was telling lies. Unfortunately, that's a mental disorder for you.


That's what I realized, no matter how much I didn't want to admit it. I couldn't change her. No matter how much I tried, no matter how much goodness I tried to infuse into the relationship, her anxieties and fears overruled them.


I obviously took missteps also. I'm a free spirit, so those with control issues have difficulties being with me. She misinterpreted many of my intentions, whether it was her disorder or my outlook I'm not sure.


Regardless, playing a song like this, "Who will save your soul after all the lies you told, boy," after all you've tried to make her feel comfortable, is just mean and heartless, and abusive.


Another sign to get out. Don't accept the unacceptable.