Monday, July 27, 2009

Kicked Out -- Again

So, she kicked me out once in November of 2006 -- like I had covered earlier, hired a PI and accused me of having phone crazy. Anyway, we put it back together. Things were going well -- as well as one could have with a BPD, that is.

I went to Barcelona, Spain on business, and, of course, a multitude of accusations were launched on me when I came back. I was rude and inconsiderate, according to her, because I was out on a date, not that I was having dinner with my boss and told her that I'd call her back. Anyway, Barcelona will be another entry, once I get through this one.

Thinking back, it is clear to me now -- nearly two years out -- that BPDs really do live in another reality. They live in a world all their own. Like they say, it truly is the land of Oz.

Back to the story at hand. After being kicked out, we got better. Had a good Christmas and were moving forward. In fact, we were looking at houses together and about to permanently gel the relationship. She put her house on the market, we put a bid on a house, and we were about to co-own a property.

The only problem was that the housing market was in the pits. Houses were not selling. The prices had dropped significantly. Ironically, they've dropped even more since.

She could never sell her house, and the bids that we put on houses were not accepted. The Lord works in mysterious ways.

Fast forward two to three months. I get a new position at work with a seemingly more solid company as their Internet Marketing Manager. From the start, I can tell that the job will be a good one for me. I fit in well, and the position is challenging and rewarding.

At the end of the second week, I get the phone call at around 4 p.m. I'm sitting right next to my boss, and the BPD calls me. She says, "what are you doing on your website right now? You're screwing with me. I want you to not come back to this house. If you do, I'll call the police."


I'm not sure what I did. Not sure what happened. I responded, "my things are there. You can't do that to me. I at least need to get some things."

She agreed, and here we go again. I went back to the house, got a bag and was on the road. I drove around the first part of the night, heading to the beach, then headed back north, in case she contacted me, which she didn't.

I spoke to my parents, who told me that they loved me and that I could stay with them. I thanked them, but for that night, I wanted to be on my own.

"Just remember, we love you," my Dad said. Wow.

I felt like I was going to cry. "I love you guys too, Dad." When you're feeling so down, in so much despair, your Dad knows the words to make you feel...a little better.

I stayed in a hotel about 30 minutes from the house. This way if she wanted me to come back, I was there.

No phone call. No nothing.

I made an appointment with the doctor that we were both seeing and had an appointment with him. Another reason why I came back North and stayed where I did. We discussed the situation, and he said that he was going to try to get in touch with her.

After seeing the doctor, I got my kids and brought them to my parents' house. We stayed there fro a couple of days, then I had to take them back. While I was there, my parents' dog passed away.

There was a reason why we went there.

I ended up staying there for almost a week. She and I eventually reconciled, but it was again at a price. By this point, I was trusting her less and less, but she now had turned it on me in front of her family.

I was the bad one. I was the liar, the narcissist, the evil one.

To this day, I'm not sure what I did.

Her family bought it, or maybe they didn't. Her father said to me, "it will take you years to fix the problems you have."

I have the problems? I ate a lot of crow for this relationship, all at my expense.

Then he continued to tell me about how his daughter was okay, but it all started with her when she got married.

I wish I had let him talk more.

Looking back, I should have stayed away at this point. I was looking for a place to stay, and I could have found somewhere. I still wanted her, and still wanted the relationship to work.

I once again compromised my own values, and paid the price.

Story learned -- stick with your gut. Listen to it.


  1. D, you've inspired me to start my own blog about my experience with this SAME situation. I have read every one of your posts (starting a long time ago), and I really appreciate you sharing this. It has helped me immeasurably. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

  2. Is there an e-mail address where you can be reached? This is an amazingly kindred narrative: with myself deeply in the throes of what I've only recently recognized as BPD withdrawals, it may have even saved my life. It's mind-blowing to see a seemingly 'endlessly-complex' individual apply to such a clear-cut and almost predictable pathology.

  3. I really feel like I've been reading about myself. I was with a BPD for a year and a half and your stories are so close to what I went through and what I'm going through now. We've been broken up for 3 months, but isn't only been 25 days since we've spoken and I hope I don't hear from her again. You're recent entries are very helpful, so that I know that is life after being in a relationship with a BPD.


Please tell me your story and how it relates to Borderline Personality Disorder. I appreciate any and all comments that you leave on this blog, and as long as they do not contain inappropriate language or are not on-topic, will publish them. Please note that I cannot respond to blogs as this is an anonymous blog. However, I will publish all appropropriate comments.