It depends on the BPD.
Remember, most BPDs would also suffer from Narcissistic Personality Disorder, so they're quite possesive. If they have someone to replace you, you may not hear from them. If they don't, it depends.
Remember, the BPD likes to be the victim -- the vulnerable seductress, some call them. Because they like to be portrayed as such, they can't contact you. Then, how could they say, "you contacted me?"
They want you to beg them to come back to them. The more you go back, the more the abuse escalates. Believe me, I know.
Look at all the stories I've outlined here -- being kicked out, twice. But I went back. She could always say, "but he went back."
In the Borderline's mind, they're the victim, not you. They have to play the victim. If they come back to you, they're not the victim.
Some borderlines are so afraid of being alone that they'll break down and come to you. Many though, are so attractive that they can quickly latch onto someone new quite quickly.
The BPD may also contact you and accuse you of things. This is how my ex BPD contacted me after the relationship ended. She accused me of messing with her computer system and hacking into it. Downright goofy.
If others have urged you not to have contact with her, don't have any contact. They're looking out for your own good.
I know, it hurts. I know that you want to. You're addicted to the person.
It gets better, I promise. It takes over a year -- a full year -- to break the addiction. You can do it though. Do whatever you need to do -- recruit friends, pray, talk to a professional, read, pray some more.
You'll get through it.
Yeah my ex boyfriend is bpd and he has some of the very same tendencies, although a big problem with alcohol, spending, anger, extreme mindgames, violence and of course the endless cheating. He has a sociopathic way about him. I'd love to get in on this string for some clarity.
ReplyDeletei was living with my bpd ex girlfriend and she had alot of mood swings. one thing that would happen often would be her pushing me away and making me sleep in another room then after a few days or so she would want me to be close to her again.she was also very critical to me about what i am not doing and what i should be doing in the relationship. she even told me once that i was the weak one and she was the strong one. after this 'go away i ,come back' game got old and she insulted me for the last time i left her and moved out. five days after i moved i got a restraining order delivered from a deputy where she was claiming i was dangerous and terrorizing her,which was an extreme lie. i had to get a lawyer. i had no idea she would go to such great lengths to retaliate. she turned everything around on me and made me out to be a terrible person while she played the victim. she has a few 'friends' who she uses to play victim to and they help boost her up by agreeing with her lies and supporting her victim stance. the twisted thing about it all is that i loved her but i just didn't know how to please her. nothing i did was ever good enough and i felt like i was walking on eggshells all the time. it was not a healthy relationship ,that's for sure.
ReplyDeleteMy ex-fiancee is a BPD and "broke up" with me many times, at least according to her. She is a master manipulator and will never admit to lying or being deceptive. It's just not in their nature or ability to accept fault. I caught her with a guy (literally stood five feet from them) and she completely made me look like a crazy ex (I didn't even know we were broken up!). After that incident I cut off all ties with her. Her fling lasted all of one month, then guess who came crying back? She contacted me one night but do you think it was to say, "I'm sorry I made a mistake. I'm sorry for hurting you." Helllll no!!!! Instead, she called me and blamed me for why our relationship failed and gave me 'advice' on what to do with the next woman I meet (all tactics to try and wither her way back). I'm thinking to myself, "Hello, you cheated on me, dumped me, had a month long fling with some guy, and now you're back to criticize me after your fling didn't work out????????" That's BPDers for you. They NEVER admit fault, YOU are always to blame. So to answer the question, yes, BPDers will try to contact you after the relationship ends because you are convenient and they have a history of knowing they can/did manipulate you.
ReplyDeleteAnonymous said...
ReplyDeleteI moved with my boyfriend to AU 8 months ago. since then he has changed dramatically. My therapist in UK suggested that he may have BPD. I was probably very naive thinking that his implosive behavior, outbursts of anger and constant separation requests will change here, in his country.. Things were going from bad to worse. he struggled to find a job, we had to borrow money, I had to wait for my visa longer then expected. Now everything is my fault. I am verbally abused on daily basis. he calls me all imaginable names, his anger is sudden and uncontrolled. Then he loves me again. he wants me to move out and 'save the relationship'. oh I want to move out. he knows I haven't received my first wage yet.. I have no friends, no family here, have no place I can escape to. I hear the F-word more often then my own name. he spends evenings watching football or playing xbox games. he stopped smoking pot after years of heavy addiction. That I'm sure does not help.. I feel humiliated, belittled, helpless.. he accused me of ruining his life, being a gold digger, cheating etc etc He is blackmailing me that he will cancel my de facto visa if I will not Foff out of the house.. This morning I slapped his arm. To be honest I wanted to slap his face. I've lost my control. Until this morning I was prepared to try again. i believed that he will change, that my partner from months ago will be back. I'm terrified. i booked a motel for tonight. I can't see further that that - tonight. i have to go back and collect all my things. i know the abuse will continue. my life cannot be defined by him or his illness. I need to be able to breath again, rebuild my life, my self esteem. he has never been diagnosed but all the symptoms are there.. I am so lost and feel absolutely humiliated.. I work as an analyst for a big company. I can handle stress but this rage, this sudden, unexpected anger, porn, smoking pot, disrespect is more then anyone can handle. I dislike myself for slapping his arm. I dislike myself for losing my control. he says I crossed the line and he will send me back home to my mum. I feel like I have no control over my life. He took everything including my self respect. This is the third time he is kicking me out of the house. Each time is worse and the abuse only escalates. he is laughing in my face when I cry, he says he is indifferent, he is singing when I try to talk to him. I have a heart problem. he says he doesn't care.. Can anyone tell me please is it possible to handle all this, that continuous degradation and shame with dignity, not involving yourself in this spinning wheel of anger, fights, accusations and blame? I am hardly ever at home. i am trying to avid another confrontation as much as I can but he can shout at me even when I'm washing his shirts.. I would never slap anyone but today I did. i've never thought that I can be pushed that far, that it was even in me. he says I crossed the line. i can predict this evening. I can't predict what else may happen after I move out. I am waiting for my firs salary to get out from this situation as far as I possibly can.
I left mine takes time to get youre self respect back. It was the best decision of my life.
DeleteDon't be too hard on yourself. I thought of myself as a pretty even-tempered person before I met my Ex-girlfriend. Same thing: the relationship escalated into violence. It's not your fault. Finally she went into therapy: it sure didn't help her behavior. She cheated, threatened suicide, said the meanest things about my children. It's no use; nobody can handle this, just get out as quickly as you can !
ReplyDeleteOnly in reading so many posts from so many people have I been able to come to grips with what has actually happened to me. I met a newly separated man - I attributed the fast relationship, the whirlwind to simple rebounding - but in reading I feel now that it was much more than that. When he broke things off with me, telling me how much he loved me and that we would be together again someday but that he wasn't ready - days after sending me a scathing email accusing me of positions and attitudes I never had (and had emails to prove) - even relating a dream where he saw into the future and knew I would be with him again someday so everything was all right - oh my GOD it has been the worst thing that has ever happened to me. The "relationship" didn't even last that long, but it was fast and furious and the bad part is that felt unbelievably good when it was good - he was talking about marriage after only 2 weeks or less (and I have wondered why it was so easy to go along with that!) but I could never trust him - he would say inappropriate things that related to how attractive he was, to how people (men women and children alike) "loved" him, would make passes at him, and then said he was entitled to enjoy that attention because he had been deprived of it for so long...oh God it was the weirdest thing I've ever found myself in - but the breakup - was horrible - the dreams, the confusion, the deep shame I felt that I couldn't put a finger on the source of. Those feelings led me back to my therapist who suggested BPD - and that is when my eyes were opened. I have struggled (and clearly still somewhat am, otherwise, why would I comment here?) - but the pain has finally subsided, the shame is gone, and the days when I vacillate between hate and pity for him are less and less - I'm far from perfect but I had worked so hard on myself and distancing myself from my own dysfunctional family - only to find that this knocked me for a loop. I feel deeply for anyone suffering from this because you don't want to tell anyone what has just happened to you - there is this horrible shame that comes with it that keeps you from being able to fully relate it - and friends who mean well say "get over it" but they have NO IDEA what type of spell you were under or how horrible you've been made to feel by this person. It makes you want to go into auto-pilot mode just to get through the withdrawals these people leave you feeling. The dreams are the worst.
ReplyDeleteI dated a BPD for 8 months. It was like meeting the perfect woman. She was intelligent, classy, charming and absolutely stunning - I mean like the models you see in magazines. Most importantly she was totally into me - I was the one she always dreamed of, the most beautiful she had ever seen and she was ready to move to live with me in my country, settle down with me, get married and have kids. Sometimes I would wake up and catch her looking at me. I'd ask her why she had been staring at me and she would say that I was the most beautiful person she ever saw.
ReplyDeleteFast forward a few months and she would be enraged if I was ever late, if I promised to do something and didn't do it. She constantly wanted reassurance, support, a warm feeling from me, alot of attention. It was easier to agree with her to keep the peace, constantly make it my mission to make sure she had all she said she wanted which changed alot. Arguments will ensue because she claimed I said A when I really said B. There will be tears sometimes, pushing me away and then pulling me close again. When I was ill it felt like my illness was not as important as what she was going through. I ended it and make the mistake of apologising for everything I did wrong. Well, that gave her all the ammunition in the world to remind of what a horrible person I was. Since splitting up she has communicated with such certainty her love for 3 other lovers after me which all ended within a couple of months. Tried being friends with her and would get emails ranging from complete and utter rage to sweet ones. In the end I asked for no contact. Luckily we live in different countries but age has written to me 6 times and I have not responded. Having been with her has made me find myself again because what I felt, my opinions and beliefs all got swept under the carpet because I didn't want to upset her. Nothing I did was good enough and whatever I said might be taken wrongly to the point where I was wondering whether am just overreacting, just plain mean, unsympathetic, going crazy myself. It has been very hard to break away and you do need support from others but concentrating on what you want for yourself and your life and having compassion for yourself and your BPD ex can help you heal like it has helped me. Best of luck and all my love.
my exgirlfriend has bpd bipoler histronic she has been in mental institoin been in jail sence we been together weve been together 3 and half years broke up alot fist time she cheated on me and we broke up alot more times lately after i lost my job we broke up more she has 5 kids 4 grand kids 1 more grand kid coming in days she left me lately tocause i couldnt handle her oldst daughter moveing in with us to many boys comeing over and 5 at a time just hanging out my ex is so hot i dont like all these boys over at my house they both left got a place we got back together for a coule of weeks brokeup she wanted to b friends isaid no left a month went by nc a friend died she called me up said she herd i had a new girl i didnt she wanted me to take her to visitation and wanted sex we got back together dateing about 3 weeks lots of boys visiting she moved in with other daughter to help with the new baby comeing the other daughter mad her oldest daughter gets mad she dosent want my ex to leave for a minute i also can get no alone time with her her oldest daugter clingey i think she has bpd to she has sexwith dif man every night but no 1 will put up with her oh she moved in with the next daughter to help with baby and ababy coming any day i was hanging out at her house alot then 1 day iasked if i could come over she said no she would rather i did not nothing was wrong dont worry ill call you latter she never called i called next day she didnt answear i called agin and she answeared i talked to her she said she would call later it haddent been feeling wright she didnt call so i went to were she was staying i broke up with her been in nc every sinse 6 days ago i miss her
ReplyDeleteyou really should use punctuation.
Delete"She accused me of messing with her computer system and hacking into it. Downright goofy."
ReplyDeleteDownright goofy indeed! I am recovering from a relationship with a woman I believe that has BPD. Holy smokes - the accusations I have heard.
Not only hacking her computer, but now her bank account!
I can tell you there were a ton of goofy accusations:
1. Putting a tracking device on her vehicle.
2. Bugging the telephone.
3. Having "hundreds" of other women on the go.
4. Sleeping with my sister-in-law.
5. Having homosexual relations with some of my male acquaintances.
6. Sending her friends email viruses.
7. Hacking her friends' computers.
8. Hacking her Blackberry.
I do work in the IT field, and took a basic course on Perl programming about ten years ago, but that's about the extent of my abilities other than also knowing HTML. But she seemed to think that because I had some knowledge of IT, that it also must mean had omnipotent knowledge of everything.
It's been a tough go since we broke up. I'm not even sure when exactly we broke up, because it has happened so many times .. and the last time we "got back together" was on he way to drive out west when she proclaimed her undying love for me and wanted me to move out to Alberta to join her so we would get married. I was considering it.. truly thought and hoped we had a wonderful breakthrough in our relationship. After ten days of talking several times a day, many text messages per day, once again, "out of the blue," - she says, "I have to tell you I am looking for another relationship."
It's insane.. and as a friend of mine said, there is no sane way of dealing with insanity.
I suspect my ex boyfriend has BPD and NPD but he has never been diagnosed. It wasn't until I started googling his behaviors that I came across BPD. Reading about it my entire jaw dropped! I almost couldn't believe it. When I met him the chemistry was like nothing I had ever felt before. I was amazingly beautiful on our first date. He kissed me so much my lips stayed chapped. He constantly talked of marrying me after the first week of dating. It was intoxicating. At my age (36 at the time) I had never delt with anything like that and I so wanted it to be true. I overlooked the fits of jealous (seemingly for no reason)and the constant pleas of "please don't leave me" when I never acted or thought about leaving someone who loved me so much. After 6 months of complete bliss he broke up with me in the middle of a romantic date. I was devistated but after a week of silence I asked him to talk to me and he did. That was the beginning of the worse rollercoaster ride of my life. For the next six months it was hot and cold. One minute he wanted me and was all happy then at 3am I would get text messages accusing me of having feelings for another man, being with other men etc. None of witch were true. He acted as if he had never talked about marriage with me, he even accused me of getting upset about him not spending enough time with me. Ironically that was his reason for breaking up with me the first time, because I wasn't spending enough time with him. He claimed things would never be the same again and when I decided to move on he would call me and cry on the phone about how I "toy" with him. I don't think I will ever ignore the red flags of BPD again. He was/is a very handsome and charming man but admitted he hadn't had a long term relationship in many years. He told me about how he tried to run away from home at 5 years old. How does a 5 yr old even know what running away is? I have a 5 year old and he doesn't even know what running away is. After several make up break up it's been about 6 weeks since I've heard from him. I did text him and tell him he was a great guy and that I didn't regret being with him and that I was truely happy when we were together and that he'd do great where ever he ends up. Know what he said to me. Nothing. I'm getting better everyday but it's been a hard road.
ReplyDeleteI had dated a BPD man for 6 months. First few weeks were as though I had found my soulmate. Things were a bit weird later on. One minute it was as though I was being loved and another minute it was as though he never cared. We had great sex. For no reason he broke up with me. I did all ways of getting back to him because I truly loved him. More I tried to reach him..more he pushed me away. Last message I got from him was..please leave me alone, you are forcing me get a restraining order against you...I was terrified. I wish he comes back to me some day. I still love him. Now I cut off any communications with him.
ReplyDeleteMy husband was diagnosed with Bipolar I, PTSD and BPD. He is the most unbalanced - and dangerous - person I've ever known in my life. I think part of this may be chemically inherited from his crazy parents, but most of it is because he was horribly physically abused by both parents since 2 or 3 years old. He held a knife to my throat MANY times, threatened to kill me on a regular basis, busted my lip, gave me a black eye (had to go to work with this WHILE supporting his scummy a--), and accused me of giving my 70 year old boss a b--w job. He broke about $5k worth of my personal property, wrecked my vehicle, constantly berated and belittled me, and threatened to burn my house down if I called anyone. After living through hell and back, I finally got rid of him and sent him packing to his country of origin. But the thing that convinced me he is BPD and truly unbalanced is that he married a woman 4 months after meeting her and we are not even divorced!!! As they say, you can't fix crazy! One thing I don't understand is that on all of these BPD message boards, non-BPD partners/spouses will say, after describing the most insane relationship of their life, "I miss himher" or "I still love him/her." Don't you think that's pretty unbalanced in itself? What part of this is normal?!? My husband was a TERRORIST and the more he berated me, broke precious personal items, called me a C-NT, tried to strangle me, beat my head repeatedly against the wall, the more I HATED him with a passion. I remember saying that I prayed every day to stop loving him (and any mentally healthy person would as a result of that level of abuse). And one day, I woke up and realized that he was repulsive to me and I knew he was crazy with a capital C. That's when I knew I would never, EVER take him back or make that same mistake again. From that point forward, I started working on MYSELF - mentally, spiritually, physically. I can say now that I'm that happiest I've ever been in my life. You have to be mentally healthy to have a reciprocal, balanced, healthy relationship. You can't fix crazy!
ReplyDelete...now that I have finally realised what I have been dealing with after reading these posts and studying BPD online, I am starting to feel less guilty for breaking off the engagement with my now ex-fiancé in April. I couldn't handle her mood swings and after so many fights I knew that even though I love her dearly still, I would have had to end things.
ReplyDeleteTrouble is, I can't get over her. I have asked her back many times and because I tried to reconnect with someone from my past after the break up (I guess I have abandonment issues of my own) my BPD ex now makes that the reason for our break up as opposed to the constant fighting. I have beaten myself up so many times these last few months as the responsibility for breaking up and things not working seems to be entirely mine, despite helping her with insolvency, binge drinking and huge self esteem issues during our relationship.
I met up with her on 3 occasions in the last two months and whilst I thought we were getting closer, it looks as if her flirting, amorous behavior was all to draw me in again and then spit me back out to punish me.
I recognise the anger, splitting, history of unstable relationships etc and it all seems to fit, but after spending o much time on this and getting so own about it, I start to wonder now whether these traits are now passed on to me as I can't seem to get the enthusiasm to move on........I feel addicted to the ideal of a relationship that I know will never work unless I danced eon eggshells for the next 30 years, yet somehow I don't want anyone else.
Hi. It's called Trauma Bonding. She has also triggered wounds that are deep within you. The stress in your head, above your eyes, is called Cognitive Dissonance. From the moment you got together with your ex, it was never going to work and you were on your way to the fallout. It was NOT your fault. What you went through was REAL. She is ill (respectfully said), and will hurt herself and more people. You did NOTHING wrong, and it's very natural to want her back .. you suffered physiological abuse .. and you did not deserve it. I know there was a lot more going on but you can't write it all down here. It'll pass one day, the guilt, the questions, the pain, the wanting her back, the confusion .. all of it. But you HAVE to learn more about BPD and the narcissistic tendancies. Her need for love and acceptance from you was real, the love that she gave you was real as far as she understood love to be. You have been dating an adult with an emotional age and mindset of around 3 years old .. so basically, to learn how to make these people feel secure, you need to learn also how to nurture a 3 year old (and I say this with the greatest of respect). She split from her true self to a false self at a very early age due to emotional abuse from care giver. She will be looking very closely at your actions, values, words matching actions. Cognitive ability is poor. She will see a danger from you that is not a danger in reality, and then start placing you in the 'bad' box. Black and white thinking. The behaviours of control and other, are to make sure she is not abandoned by you. She leaves because she can't stand the pain inside herself, and then sees you as way too unsafe and a horrid person who can never give her the care she needs, she is filled with deep shame also. Will never be able to acknowledge your hurt, because a child cannot do this. Two first red flags I saw and completely dismissed because I had no idea of BPD were her saying "it's all about me (her)" and "you have control in this relationship because I let you", and a third was "tell me if there's a train coming" i.e. if I was going to leave her. And others were the many many accusations and doubts of my honesty .. texts coming in, being secretive (not), why are my boots on at 7pm, you knew I would be hungry after work so why have you not thought about that and why have you not made enough food for me. Oh, I could go on and on and on. Left 16 times in 5 years, turned friends and her family against me, used me, devalued all that she used to admire, spent all the time with me and even at work (self employed), manipulated me into setting up cleaning business with her, then to accuse me of stealing the money made, getting me to believe I didn't need my family and so distanced myself from them only for them to be hurt, spoke bad about all her friends (they have their uses). The person you fell in love with was a mirage .. she was NOT that person .. and that's why you could never get it back. She worked hard at getting you hooked, she couldn't sustain that level of intensity. As soon as I said "I love you" and also moved in with her, she was 'safe' enough to start trying to control to make her life safe. And that's when the devaluing started more intensely. And it just went on from there. Work on YOU. She is only responsible for HER, and sadly we can't fix them, they have to do it for theirselves very sadly. She tried to fix me, thought I was crazy, got me questioning it too.
ReplyDeleteLots of therapy, counselling .. I don't really want to write any more .. it gets tiring .. too much and turns my tummy. And she was on a dating site two weeks after she gave me the final discard .. which came out of the blue during an argument when she said "I just don't see a future with you" .. and a month before, I'd lost my temper for various reasons and pushed her onto the campervan bed so that I could get the keys to get out of there. I'm not pleased with myself for doing that, I'm not an aggressive person though she saw me as one. So a month later when we had another argument, I calmly said "I'm tired, I'm tired of hurting people", she thought I was breaking up with her and I saw the tears whell up in her eyes .. I caused a massive injury to her. She said she had never left me, meaning that I would never actually have lost her despite all her leaving. And then we drove, had an argument, she calling me names again like always, me saying "I just want to run", her screaming horrifically "well effing well just get it over with then" and a couple more things happened. I tried to pull it back by the end of the evening through text, and she said it's over, it's gone too far. Followed by a hurl of abuse and devaluing. And never heard from her again. And she had the lights out and didn't want to answer the door when I went round for closure 5 weeks later. You're aggressive, you're not strong enough for me, you can't love me .. were the final words she said. Then a couple weeks later I had someone contact me through a dating site, with no picture .. it was her .. pretending to be someone else .. I know her style of writing, the words of mine she instinctively picked up from me (I am not from her part of the world), the phrases .. she said "perhaps this dating site isn't for me .. or maybe I'm not ready yet" .. what do you all think this means? I'd like feedback on that please. And I think she showed up again, as a black woman using the same name as her, and was free to say "Hi (my name), I'd love to hear more about you. I love your profile and everything about you. Would love to hear from you. Carol.xx" We always used two kisses, it was something important to us. I hold no animosity towards her, still warm place in my heart for her, completely understand the situation, recognise it for what it is, and this has started the healing process within me .. and I feel very sad for her because although it is her responsibility as an adult to address what's going on within her, it is NOT her fault. And in some sort of way, I will always love her. And I'm so thankful for having had the relationship with her and gotten to enjoy the wonderful times and the bad, it woke so much within me, both good and challenging. I'll never replace that. A part of me hopes she'll return, cause I know what I'm dealing with now and how to deal with it, for me and for her. Yet I also need to move on with my life and am meeting wonderful people and finding myself again, the person I was and valued before meeting her, the person she declared she loved .. yet made her feel unsafe. I hope this post helps folk. It really isn't as easy as "ah, just get over it" .. there's far more at play here .. and it will affect you for a very long time. KW
ReplyDeleteDeep man. Thank God you finally left that woman for your sanity. I relate to you. thumbs up
DeleteI was working with this beautiful, stunning lady. She came to me and said her then husband was being mean to her and asked me what she should do? Very quickly we were having an affair! A fantastic, brilliant affair.
ReplyDeleteShe left him and moved into another house. She said she would a while for me to leave my wife, but not long.
I duly left mt wife and moved into a flat. From that point on it was like I was under a spell. The sex was great! But then she said she wouldn't come to my flat anymore and if I wanted to see her I would have to go to hers.
Then she wanted me to move in, buy a house get married, in less than two years. She kept waking me up and asking me to sleep in another room because I was stopping her from sleeping.
I was her boss at work and she kept complaining about all the others in her office.
She controlled the time we went to bed and the time we got up.
I felt like I was a puppet.
I left four times. We went to counselling. She kept finding things ti argue about, then wouldn't stop and then would say I was going to leave. By this point we were sleeping in two single beds to her her sleep. We would have sex in my bed and she would then go to hers and that was it, just sleep with no contact!
I left a fifth time and within a day she on a dating site, had put the engagement ring up for sale and sold the two single beds!
I feel totally guilty but she has blocked me from any communication.
We got together at the start because she told me her second husband was threatening and her first had been abusive. Now I feel just them.
When we argued I would put my head in my hands and say "I'm sure I'm a nice person" and "Why do you talk to me in such a way?" Then she would say I didn't like her!
I bought so many things for her house and children and now am just starting to understand about BPD! She made me I was going mad! She would tell me off in the most cutting of ways for delaying her sleep by making a hot water bottle for her bed at bed time! She said I needed to see a doctor and I needed the sleeping pills!
I still feel totally smashed up!
I never argued in my previous argument but it seems that she was always finding something to argue about with me! She always won each argument and never forgot was said!
Reading these posts have helped!
I have been scrolling the Internet trying to work out what's going on with my amazing boyfriend, who has turned into a complete nightmare. From what I have read, I strongly believe he has BPD. I meet my ex boyfriend 6 months ago. He is very good looking, charming and intelligence. After 2 months of being together he perposed to me and started making wedding plans. He told me his ex girlfriend was abusive towards him and tried to make him out to be a pedofile. He said that she get her daughters to walk round half naked in front of him and not tell them off.
ReplyDeleteAlarm bells should of started ringing than. But he was so preserve that he had been set up. He told me he had gone to the police with his evidence and they had lunched a investigation against her.
He told me that she had taken the car that they owed jointly and he was unable to work without one. So like a fool, I bought him a second hand car as a engament preasent. Things where great between us, he was so attentive and caring, going out of his way to make me happy. I felt like I had finany meet the one.
But I started to notice he constantly wanted complements and all of my time. He get jealous if I spent time with my friends and even my daughter, who is away at university. I found that he was taking a interest in my hobbies, I own and pony and scuba dive.
We booked a hoilday to Barcelona and that where things went very wrong. On our first night my daughter got in touch, having boyfriend trouble. I didn't want to bring it up with him as it had caused a huge argument before, causing us to split up for 5 days. They where 3 days of hell where I got constant abuse, than had him begging me to take him back.
The problem is I suffer from ptsd as a result of domestic abuse in a previous Marrage. When I saw him getting angry, I had a flash back of my ex trying to attack me. Understanbly this scared him and he tried to leave me in Barcelona without any money and my bank card. He came back and was very understanding. Trying to ensure I enjoyed the rest of our hoilday. However he spent the remaing 3 days getting stoned spending my money on weed.
After we got back he told me he need space which I gave to him. Than on Saturday night, we meet up. He told me he had never asked me to marry him, that we where only engaged. He than started acussing me of conspiring with his ex, to set him up. That all women where evil, spiteful and out for what they could get. I wanted to leave, but he had drove me to his house, 36 miles away from where I live. I tried to get in touch with friends to see if anyone could pick me up. At this point he became really aggressive towards me, telling me I had to leave, that I had told my friends he was threatening me. Which I didn't. He than called the police and tried to have me arrested. I texted him the next to try and find out what had gone on, but he won't talk to me.
I really don't know what's going on or what to expect next. I really love him and just want to know how I can help him.
I don’t miss my ex, we’ve been broken up for 2 1/2 years. To put it lightly, we had “irreconcilable differences”. Met him online, he talked like a sweetheart, met him in person, he was distant (maybe that’s his agoraphobia). He was obsessed with BPD, basically thought every girl had it. His ex has it, was a meth addict, and he was hung up on her throughout our relationship (he kept weird recordings of their conversation together). He convinced me I had BPD (I’ve actually been diagnosed as type 2 bipolar)... I’ve never been reckless with sex (he was my first), I don’t self harm, I’ve never been addicted to substances and I’d only drink like 2 times a year. When we met I was jaded with dating so I was uneasy about relationships and I’m guessing he attributed “extreme fear of abandonment” with that one. I wasn’t overweight but was always teased about my figure and slight acne so I was a generally insecure person at the time. I was 22 and he was 29... he was my first legitimate boyfriend so it was a whole new aspect to learn. Anyway fast forward and I’m finding he’s talking to camgirls, old exes, and he’d be wishy washy about moving closer (I lived in CA and he lived in TX). I broke up with him because of his lack of principles... he onetime said that dating and prostitution are the same things because a guy has to give his attention or money to get sex (keep in mind I literally paid for everything because he’d mention how he was in a bad financial struggle his previous ex left him in). Sex was downright weird and disturbing, he had no concern for anything but his own pleasure, and he had to do some pretty aggressive and brutal bdsm stuff to get off (didn’t really understand the word “no” or “stop” or me crying during these moments... but i digress). Anyway there’s a litany of other red flags but I broke it off. He’s tried contacting me for years, at one point he threatened to kill my fiancé and I with an axe, as well as our children, he claims I was abusive, messages me about how he has sex with so many better women than me, he leaked my nudes, had his crazy exes join in on the online harassment, he claims I was insensitive, treated him like a notch in my bed post???, and that I led him on just so I could break his heart, he’s threatened to commit suicide, would sometimes say it was all his fault, but often revert back to the fact that I’m inferior and somehow I must want his attention because I’m not actively blocking all his fake accounts??? I don’t even respond to the guy... he’s even more diluted now he’s hooked on psychedelics. But anyway I have a feeling he probably has BPD. I’m so glad he and I never closed the distance officially. He now is homeless (lives in a van) after the FBI tried to track him wen I reported the death threat with the axe.
ReplyDeleteI met a beautiful, intelligent woman and we hit it off. The chemistry was amazing. She was all over me and would call and text numerous times everyday. She would tell me how amazing I was and that I was the most humble man she ever met. At five month's into the relationship, she wanted me to move in. I said, let's wait until at least a year. We were talking about the future and were exclusive. I fell in love with her and loved her ten year old son. I noticed a change in behavior towards me. She blew me off for Valentine's day and said she needed space. Then she told me it was her and not me, but she had trouble communicating. She was in abusive relationships with men before me and I did my best to serve her and her son. She ghosted me a few times, lied to me about where she was or what she was doing. She started to pick out my flaws, eventhough I was over looking hers. I would say to her, why are you pushing me away and self sabotaging our relationship. She used me and manipulated me and brought me to my knees. She lied about her drinking and she started to bloat from boozing and I couldn't help her. Four days before she texted me that we could be friends, she told me how much she missed me and wanted me. When I go the we could be friends text, she wouldn't pick up the phone and talk. I called her out on everything. The lies, treating me like crap for the last few months, the drinking, mood swings, etc. She texted me goodbye. I am ashamed to admit that I chased her by calling, texting,emailing and I went to see her. She threatened me with a harrassment order and all I wanted was a five minute conversation. I have never been so humiliated and crushed in my life over a person who supposedly felt the same way as I did. Not once did I ever disrespect her, raise my voice or lose my patience. I loved her and that little boy with all my heart and wanted to be a positive role model in his life. Now I know that I was love bombed, devalued and discarded. It's obvious that she strung me along and met someone else and I never heard from her again. It's been five month's and my life has been turned upside down. I have been majorly depressed, sad, angry, bitter and crushed. I am getting professional help and still, I cannot stop thinking of her and her son. I truly loved this person and it was genuine on my part. I am ashamed at my behavior at the end and crushed by the way I was treated and discarded. I feel like a lost soul who never mattered to this person, yet I still pine for her. When it was great, I never experienced anything like it, but when it was bad, it was the worst feeling ever.
ReplyDeleteI dated Kerrin. Textbook BPD. She said she'd fallen in love with me, as I stood sponsor to her two sons, who were being confirmed. Up to this point, we'd basically been only friendly acquaintances. Every relationship she'd ever had, ended in a train wreck, and her ex husband was, of course, the Devil incarnate. I initially saw red flags, which I foolishly ignored.
ReplyDeleteShe's very attractive. She's also 51, with four kids, one of whom is learning disabled, and will most probably live with her for life. She also has two STDs, one of which is genital Herpes and one of which is carcinogenic. She'd contracted the Herpes after getting date raped by a dirtbag, whom she'd met via a meat market called "Plenty of Fish'. This was after my discard. She was asking me to escape to Maine with her, at the same time she was placing her personal ad. Thankfully, my friend saw it within a week. She actually believes that she has a big heart. Sigh.
During my splitting and subsequent discard, she called me names I had to look up! She texed 'I hate you'. This occurred during Covid quarantine.
Several therapists, whom I've spoken with warned me that BPD g.f. almost always return to unavailable men, which I am. Apparently, a huge part of their life long mental disorder is being attracted to men, whom they can't have. Also, they warned me that her return will only bring more pain, as the horrible abuse will start up again, after a brief honeymoon period.
The sex was amazing. The abuse was horrific. Additionally, part of the disorder promoted unsafe sex. Is Kerrin working on getting a third STD? Who knows. I pray I'm strong enough never to return to a dangerous, unstable & unhealthy drama, which only devolves into more pain.