Traumatized

I'm beginning to realize quite a lot about this breakup. After realizing that my heart was broken, I'm also realizing that I was traumatized from this relationship.

Quite traumatized. Walking away from the relationship, I suffered from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, most likely.

My sense of right and wrong wasn't whacked, but she definitely wounded me deeply. I lost my understanding about how people worked. Think that I got quite cynical about people and their motivations towards me.

I viewed her as innocent and beautiful in the relationship. Looking back to earlier posts, particularly the ones about 'Dulcinea Syndrome,' I was suffering from Dulcinea syndrome. How can't you suffer from this when dealing with a Borderline?

They love you like no other

They adore you and tell you that you're the one that they've always been looking for

They change themselves to fit your every need

You think that you've found the one.

It gets worse. They tell you about all the mean people in their lives, and you feel compassion for them. You feel so sorry for them; you view them as innocent, precious, beautiful little flowers that have been hurt time and time again.

You become the BPD's night in shining armor. You protect her from the world. You want to make sure that others don't ever hurt her again, and you take steps to make sure that happens.

However, things get weird. Suddenly, she starts acting strangely and doing things where she's accusing you of being the bad person. But you're there to protect her, you assert.

She apologizes. Every time that she does this, which increases, she apologizes. She says that she was victim of someone who hurt her bad, and she's still weary. Your heart goes out to her even more. The innocent one was hurt, so you must protect her more.

While you're trying to protect her, she continues to hurt you. She continues to accuse you of hurting her too. But I'm here to protect you, you'll realize this soon. You'll realize it soon. You'll realize it.

As time goes on, she finds more and more ammunition. She makes it up. She twists the truth. She talks to people from your past. She does what ever she can. She takes your words and changes them to your advantage.

Doesn't matter. In the end, if you're with a true Borderline, you become the bad person and the object of their anger, fear, trauma, etc.

You're the bad person.

Yet they don't want you to leave. When you do, they push and pull.

Such is a borderline relationship. In the end, you walk away with major scars and major trauma. I think that, two years later, I'm finally fully healed. Yet sometimes, I still think about how whacked I was, and how wacky the whole situation was.

Don't ever want to be like that again.