It's strange, but you still sometimes dream about the BPD. Real strange.
Last night I dreamed about her. It was strange -- I saw her somewhere. It was so strange that it woke me up in the middle of the night and I couldn't fall back to sleep for some time.
When I saw her and we interacted, I think that it was the way I think she and I would be with one another -- quite guarded. I remember telling her about Jennie, and her making some comment where she's accusing me of treating her horribly, but now, I don't respond. I think I walked away from her, but awaited feeling the blow from her when she hit me.
Looking back as I write this, I guess it's a little PTSD. It was definitely strange.
The bottom line is that it takes years -- years -- to get away from the BPD person and to get them out of your head. Any relationship can damage you, but BPDs put a real hurting on you.
The nice thing is that you can shed the wounds, in time. The Post Traumatic Stress dissipates, and you're left feeling better than ever.
The BPD is left being an incomplete person that has difficulty assimilating into society and succeeding in relationships.
I'd rather have the temporary issues so I can feel better than ever.
Friday, April 15, 2011
6 comments:
Please tell me your story and how it relates to Borderline Personality Disorder. I appreciate any and all comments that you leave on this blog, and as long as they do not contain inappropriate language or are not on-topic, will publish them. Please note that I cannot respond to blogs as this is an anonymous blog. However, I will publish all appropropriate comments.
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When I do dream it is almost always of my BDP. I just can't get them out of my head. Even during the day when my mind is idle in with pop my BPD. There is no way of getting away. You just have to go through it. I put it down to that crazy perfect love.
ReplyDeleteTwo and half years post BPD, i thought i was doing well but had a relapse and found myself back at the doctors. I kept "seeing" my ex BPD everywhere,in a passing car ,walking along the street,in shops. My doc says i was experiencing flash backs. I am back on mediation,hopefully not for as long as after the initial break up. Dreams too,he is in them and i wake up sweating,unable to fall back asleep... or afraid to. I suspect this was brought on by me trying to start a new relationship. I consequently ended the short relationship(a few months). I found it to be exhausting and i could not feel any closeness. Is this the damage done by my ex BPD? Time will tell....
ReplyDeleteMy wife if 1 year (we were together for 4 total) with BPD decided to end our marriage on New Year's eve. In the beginning, I just couldn't understand it. She said she was never in love with me, and we did have intimacy issues. She said she needed to find herself, and there was no chance we were getting back together. Within weeks she was out of life. Then, keeping it from me, she quickly developed a new relationship with "an old friend" and is apparently passionately in love with him... I am speechless. Sorry, I am not sure what type of comments to leave... I just know I feel lost.
ReplyDeleteTo the Anonymous person who feels lost. I just want to let you know that you are not the only one that feels this way and your comment is perfectly describes how I feel. This won't be any comfort but my Ex-BPD did the same thing. You are not alone. Just remember you did nothing wrong. It is not your fault it is their illness.
ReplyDeleteMy breakup is relatively fresh, but I'm still having dreams with my ex in them regularly. Some about her cheating on me, but some about good times, time spent going on a trip with her and her kids, etc.
ReplyDeleteDuring the day I'm filled with bitter thoughts about how she lied and cheated.
And yet I still have dreams where we're having good times together. It seems that love doesn't just go away no matter how obvious it is that it was best to leave.
I think I'm kind of mad at myself for missing her, and so I resort to bitterness to try to fight it off. But my dreaming mind knows better, isn't so easily fooled.
Just got left by my bpd. We had been together for 5 years (roughly, bc of all the times she left me & begged me back) and the day before Valentine's day she left me & ran off with a person that I had known in the past & suddenly came over out of the blue. It has been about 1 month & I recently received an email from her & in it she describes how worthless I was & how amazing this new man in her life is& how she is so happy to be pregnant with his baby & how much better he treats her etc etc etc... we also have a daughter together 2 years.. luckily due to some choices she made when she left me one of the previous times, she lost custody so she couldn't run off with my daughter again. Sadly after getting that email I am missing her so badly again. How an email that is so hateful & cruel makes me long for her is beside me.. I wish I understood this illness more. It scares and pains me so much that she is suffering from it.
ReplyDelete