The story doesn't end at that. Usually, the BPD cheats on the Non partner again. What does the Non partner do again? Forgives the person.
The pattern usually repeats itself, over and over again, as long as the Non partner will let it. It's typical with many BPD relationships for a number of reasons:
- The BPD has no boundaries so they will let others into their intimate world
- Most BPDs loathe themselves and cannot respect themselves; as such, they cannot respect others
- BPDs have a childlike outlook on life. They will take advantage of another as much as the other will allow.
Set Firm Boundaries
If you're in a relationship with someone that has BPD or you suspect has BPD, set firm boundaries. Tell them that if they cheat, the relationship will be over. Period. Stick to these boundaries.
With my ex BPD girlfriend, I told her, in no uncertain terms, that if she cheated, we were done. No questions asked. One time, early in the relationship, she was feeling quite anxious. I remember her saying to me in an accusatory tone, "y'know, if you cheat, I can cheat too."
I spun around and looked straight at her, right in her eyes: "What did you say?"
She knew that I meant business and had no tolerance for such talk. "Uh, uh, y'know, if you did cheat, I could cheat too."
My response was direct and to the point. "I'm not cheating and don't have any plans to. All I want is you."
She got it, right away. It didn't matter, because as we know, Borderline Personality Disorder is right on the border of neurosis and psychosis; as such, they can slip into either quite easily. She regularly thought that I was cheating on her, then would start to punish me as such.
I'm not sure if she ever really did cheat on me, but it doesn't matter at this point. The damage done would have been to herself, not me.
Your Self Worth Is At Stake
The typical borderline relationship is quite unbalanced. When the borderline is cheating on their partner, the relationship gets even more out of balance. If you are the Non who is being cheated on, you can't stay in a relationship and feel good about yourself. You will eventually feel worthless.
If your BPD partner is cheating on you, they are taking advantage of you. There are people out there that will treat you with respect and with decency, and they won't cheat on you.
Bottom line: Accepting such behavior from your partner is not normal. People divorce -- regularly -- over similar behaviors. Don't take it. Once you're out of the relationship, figure out why you are accepting such behaviors. Go to counseling if you need to, and stop repeating the patterns. This is abuse, which is something you shouldn't accept.
