Friday, March 19, 2010

Living The Life of a Free Man

I've been spending quite a bit of time traveling, working quite hard, spending a lot of time in my career. I've also been spending quite a bit of time playing and practicing guitar, listening to quite a bit of music, time with the family, time working out, time reading, and time doing a number of things.

I realized something. I'm a free man. I'm completely free. I've broken the chains.

You don't know what I'm talking about unless you've been in a dysfunctional relationship, particularly with a borderline. You live a life where you're weighed down.

Weights Will Eventually Break You
It's true. The weights of a borderline will eventually break you, one way or another. I used to think that I was superhuman in terms of my will, my work ethic, my attitude...I wanted to be Father of the Year, Husband of the Year, Boyfriend of the Year, Worker of the Year. I was so driven, so hungry, so...energetic.

Then I met the borderline and started dating her. She took my energy and channeled it. She channeled it primarily to her, because of her needs, she could not be comfortable with my energy. Her paranoid mind thought that my energies would channel towards other women, other interests than her.

Slowly but surely, my energies mellowed, probably as a result of growth, as well as a result of being in the relationship. When I was in the relationship with the borderline, my energies were aimed at her. However, the weight of walking on eggshells on a constant basis, not knowing when she would snap, weighs on you.

I told her that I would have had a heart attack if I stayed with her. Stress related illnesses are just that, stress related. These relationships cause major stress on you. I used to smoke when I was with her, a habit I had given up before meeting her.

The borderline will eventually kill you, one way or another.

Want Freedom? Shed The Weights

You can give the borderline boundaries, but you need to be able to enforce the boundaries. You need to get to a point that when the borderline in your life acts out, you can react with indifference.

This is the only way to shed the weights of the borderline grasp. We Nons know that we live life with a cloud over our heads, always waiting for the borderline to snap, to get upset about something that we don't understand.

How To Be Free From A Dysfunctional Relationship

The only way to truly free yourself from the weights of a dysfunctional relationship is to leave it. You actually need to leave the relationship.

If you have a borderline partner that is willing to go to counseling and therapy as well as medication, this may be a solution. You also need counseling to better understand boundaries, a better separation of responsibility, and the like.

It's difficult, but you can free yourself from the dysfunction. The key to this is awareness. Awareness of the situation, of the behaviors, and all of the associated dysfunction that goes along with a relationship with a borderline personality disordered person. More on awareness in upcoming posts.

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