Monday, March 8, 2010

BPD Relationship Recovery Always Continues

This is the first post in quite some time -- a couple of weeks -- I used to blog nearly every day!

Things have been good here in my personal recovery land -- more on this later. However, I've been so busy -- work has consumed much of my time, and I've been trying to keep myself well-balanced with exercise and family time -- so blogging took a bit of a back seat. One of my large projects is finishing up, so I should have more time to blog moving forward.

With that said, I'll always try to blog at least once a week. If I'm not blogging that much, I've been consumed by work. Rest assured, I'll come back. This year, I'll do more blogging than in subsequent years. This blog is important to My BPD Recovery, and it's important to those who read this and benefit from this.

Back to Myself
With that said, I realize that I'm pretty much back to myself now. I've come back around, and my true self is here more than it's ever been before.

Strangely, I was hiking yesterday when I came to that realization. She is no longer the one that was it for me and has now gotten away. She is another girl that I was with, a girl that I dated, someone who has some pretty serious issues.

I'll continue to blog and to post -- I'll cover some critical topics, such as some of the things that borderlines do when in their frantic efforts to avoid abandonment, contrasting this with their constant efforts to pre-empt you leaving them.

I Love Receiving Your Comments
Thanks to each and every one of you for your comments. I appreciate them and will publish them when they help tell stories of recovery and reveal elements of BPD relationship recovery.

With that said, I do not publish links in comments, and I do not publish any foul language. I have used such language on quite a limited basis if at all. I do not consider such language professional.

Continue to send me your comments and give me your feedback on what you would like to see published here.


  1. I was driving around my work the other day and a certain song came on the radio. It reminded me of my time with the BPD. I did not turn it off as i would have done a few weeks ago. My thought was exactly as you said, he was just a guy that was in my life and now is not. He was never the "one", never my soul-mate. He just pretended to be. I think i'm healing! You have made me feel "sane". You have re-assured me on my journey of recovery. Thankyou. I would also like to thank everyone who has posted comments and shared their experience.

  2. How do you relate to friends made in the relationship? My case is very similar to what you all have written. I know each relationship is different, yet did you all keep the friends made within the relationship? Did they have to be let go of too?

  3. Hey Phillip.. I'm wondering, does she stay in contact with these friends? Would she use this situation to manipulate you? Are you wanting to stay in these friendships as a way to maintain contact with her? I'm only asking because I can relate, and if the answer is yes to any of those questions, then I'd probably make new friends. I know it sucks, it's not fair at all. But from my experience, it's a no-win situation if he's going to find a way to be in the picture (the pleasure he seems to get out of making things harder for me is disgusting.) Wondering what other people think.. do you agree? Do you have to let go the friends you've made together?

  4. My BDP ex girl ended up getting a relationship with one of my best friends (well I thought he was my friend). They blamed me for all their misery. Well at that point you surely have to let go the complete pack. Offcourse, they are now also separated. A nice example how BPD also destroys friendships. Ow what the hell, at least I know who my reall friends are now. Friendship is build on trust. BPD's cannot be trusted.period.

  5. @ Ruud - I know that that happened to me too. My Friends had to leave the picture & after such a long time most move on and such few remained.
    @ Effin - Answers to your questions are:
    Yes,some more than others - I wouldn't have a clue,so far no - No

    It does suck big time. At least I have a 'heads up' if things start to go sour
    Thank you everyone

  6. I can literally count the friends left on one hand after this relationship but then again she isn't her BPD self when she's around others who she'll never develope "intimate" relationships with so they'll probably never see her dysfunctional side. ALl in all she keeps it together well with control and lies, her biggest fear is being alone (interestingly enough after 7 years in New York she hardly kept in contact with any of her former friends from there, she had her new group here). Of course she also went on multiple smear campaigns, telling everyone that I abanoned her, lied to her, and emotionally abused her. She plays a very good victim...I realize that those friends I had with her were really superficial (just like her) and I'm better off with the new group of friendships I've slowly developed.


  8. While she moved home I told her she was'nt comming back but she begged me to believe her. We talked everyday. I was working with friends she introduced me to. My ex was sounding blue over the phone, so I went to take a picture of them to send her hoping it would cheer her up. One girl that was always friendly ran away saying she had talked to her. It was odd. Another was fishing for info about our status. Again odd. The next day I got the dear John letter in the mail. She sent it to the wrong address so it had been in the mail for atleast a week while talking on the phone to me five times a day.
    I figured those girls knew about it but now I wonder exactly what she told them. I just learned about smear campaigns. When I got the letter I knew exactly what it was. Infact I was so right about my intuitive guesses on everything but was afraid to look jealous or controlling. I wanted to trust her. What kind of relationship is worrying?

  9. Smear campaigns, I know about them personally. When I was a babysitter, my ex contacted my boss under the guise of simply "wanting someone to sip wine with and to have a friend." Needless to say, that didn't bode well because my boss no longer trusted me with her child because my ex told her how "violent" I was. My boss stopped talking to me and said she didn't want my "drama" around her kid. I agree about not wanting drama around a child. However, to the best of my knowledge, all I ever did was pick her kid up from school, made her lunch, and tutored her in school. And if my ex was around, all we ever did was get ice cream together. Any drama was brought on by my ex, who went and told everyone who would listen, how controlling and violent person I was/am. Also, she told her family how I "insisted she stop seeing her friends." Um, as a med student, I'm not sure how I could even enforce that. I can barely get 6 hours of sleep, let alone make someone stop seeing their friends. I know I'm not that crazy because there is FaceBook evidence of her hanging out with her "friends" - so much for my "insisting"...She talks so much crap about her "friends" yet she relies on them to help her move into her new apartment, doesn't tell them how she slept with their BF right after a break up...I begin to question my sense of morals and reality...Yet, I still love her and magically think she'll mature one day and apologize for the hurt and lies she has inflicted..


Please tell me your story and how it relates to Borderline Personality Disorder. I appreciate any and all comments that you leave on this blog, and as long as they do not contain inappropriate language or are not on-topic, will publish them. Please note that I cannot respond to blogs as this is an anonymous blog. However, I will publish all appropropriate comments.