BPD Relationship Recovery Always Continues

This is the first post in quite some time -- a couple of weeks -- I used to blog nearly every day!

Things have been good here in my personal recovery land -- more on this later. However, I've been so busy -- work has consumed much of my time, and I've been trying to keep myself well-balanced with exercise and family time -- so blogging took a bit of a back seat. One of my large projects is finishing up, so I should have more time to blog moving forward.

With that said, I'll always try to blog at least once a week. If I'm not blogging that much, I've been consumed by work. Rest assured, I'll come back. This year, I'll do more blogging than in subsequent years. This blog is important to My BPD Recovery, and it's important to those who read this and benefit from this.

Back to Myself
With that said, I realize that I'm pretty much back to myself now. I've come back around, and my true self is here more than it's ever been before.

Strangely, I was hiking yesterday when I came to that realization. She is no longer the one that was it for me and has now gotten away. She is another girl that I was with, a girl that I dated, someone who has some pretty serious issues.

I'll continue to blog and to post -- I'll cover some critical topics, such as some of the things that borderlines do when in their frantic efforts to avoid abandonment, contrasting this with their constant efforts to pre-empt you leaving them.

I Love Receiving Your Comments
Thanks to each and every one of you for your comments. I appreciate them and will publish them when they help tell stories of recovery and reveal elements of BPD relationship recovery.

With that said, I do not publish links in comments, and I do not publish any foul language. I have used such language on quite a limited basis if at all. I do not consider such language professional.

Continue to send me your comments and give me your feedback on what you would like to see published here.

Relationships After The BPD: BPD Baggage For Future Relationships

I've mentioned it before, but I haven't spoken specifically about it for some time. After you've come out of a Borderline Relationship, what is it like? What are your relationships like? Do you live Happily Ever After?

You can, but it's not always easy.

BPD Baggage

When you're in such a highly dysfunctional relationship, you walk away from it with lots of baggage. Lots of it. It takes time to clear out the baggage.

In my case, I cleared the baggage through a number of ways:

• I went to counseling for months after the relationship terminated to understand what needs the BPD fulfilled
• I read books, lots of books, on healing and getting the love that I wanted
• I focused on myself as best I could and found healthy outlets for the baggage:
• Friends and family
• Playing guitar
• Exercise
• Church
• Writing -- I started writing a blog where I would express myself :-)

You have baggage, and it needs to be cleared out.

You Will Bring BPD Baggage Into Future Relationships

Regardless of how much work you do, you will most likely bring some baggage from the BPD relationship into future relationships. It's up to you to determine how much baggage you will bring into future relationships.

I brought baggage into the relationship. I was still scarred and not trusting women very much when I entered into my current relationship, which is now almost two years long. I was still healing and quite cynical.

Fortunately, I'm with someone who was a psychology major in college and is quite confident in herself. She has little if any jealousy and has let me go through the remaining healing. Overall, she has been quite supportive and reads the blog daily.

New Relationships: Not Always Perfect

I have learned that the relationship is not always perfect, and it won't be perfect because none are. There was a time, around one year ago, where I was quite unhappy in the relationship. I thought that she was too selfish, too preoccupied with herself and her own needs, without listening to me and my concerns. I brought my concerns and my issues to her and told her how unhappy I was.

Fight, Not Flight

I went from a relationship where I continually needed to stabilize the relationship and show the BPD that I was committed to a relationship where my partner was willing to fight for the relationship. When I told her my concerns, we went to a counselor and unpacked the issues. 

In counseling, she learned that she was not listening to me, and I learned that a lot of my issues were from my past with the BPD and that I was still quite guarded as a result of the relationship. Of course, we learned more, but this was some of the essence of our weeks of learning together. 

We walked out of the counseling much closer and much more understanding of one another and each others' issues. It hasn't always been easy, but it's based in caring, not resentment, anger, rage or devaluation, like a borderline relationship. 

Time Heals

If we are receptive to learning, we will learn, over time, that we can have fully functional relationships. It's not always easy, but it can be done with communication and care.

Jennie and I got engaged on Thanksgiving Eve and are now making plans to wed this year. The Me/Us Project will continue, but you can have a happy ending.It just takes time, a willingness to look at your past issues and make changes, and continual work on one's self. You can do it. I continue to do it.