You may be in a relationship with someone suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder.
Below is the clinical definition of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). Read through this blog to see examples of these symptoms in action; I was with someone who displayed these symptoms excessively, but you'll see what I mean when you read my stories.
Are you with someone who has BPD? If you're here, you may be. Want to confront them? Read the blog and the related stories before embarking on that one.
Symptoms of BPD
There are many symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder. However, the clinical definition is pretty straightforward. Wikipedia defines the diagnosis as it appears in the DSM-IV-TR. The diagnosis is based on nine criteria; someone must exhibit five of the following nine symptoms to be diagnosed with BPD.
- Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment
- A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation
- Identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self
- Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging, for example, spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, or binge eating
- Recurrent suicidal behaviour, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behavior
- Affective (mood) instability and marked reactivity to environmental situations, for example, intense episodic depression, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and rarely more than a few days)
- Chronic feelings of emptiness
- Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger, for example, frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights)
- Transient, stress-related paranoia or severe dissociative symptoms (feelings of unreality)
For examples of this, check out my entry where I ask the question about my exBPD and ask if she really has BPD. I was upset (which is obvious), but you get the gist of what you should be looking for.
Read through the blog. Read all of the invaluable comments -- you'll quickly learn if you're with someone who has borderline personality disorder.
In upcoming posts, look for ways to deal with the issue -- should you stay or should you go?
Reading this reminded me of something I had forgotten about. I've had two pretty bad relationships, one with a BiPolar, and followed that up with someone who was "stable" more or less (by comparison) but had major depression and detachment issues (I'd guess she was probably a sociopath, but not diagnosed). I don't know if either were BPD, but had so many of the same symptoms.
ReplyDeleteBut what reading the list of symptoms reminded me that when you are in a relationship with someone that does have real psychological issues of one kind or another, they can often accuse you of many of the "symptoms" on that list.
When a partner does exhibit "scary" behavior, how a "normal" person would react doesn't exclude depression (that can get extreme). And it's not unlikely to confront or try to discuss the scary behavior, which can result in that "unstable" person accusing the "normal" person of making them feel like they are "walking on eggshells" because they bring up the "scary" behavior.
I am trying to reflect on my own past, and I wonder if dysfunctions can become contagious infections. I know trying to deal with someone with major issues can, over a long period of time, change behavior. I know I became someone in those relationships that occasionally actually sank to the same level because I didn't have the skills to deal with it properly. I became someone I never was before, and can't ever even imagine being again.
And at times during the relationships, I'd even considered maybe I was the problem. With time and distance, I'm fairly sure it was the situation and the person I was with. But sometimes during, it can get blurry.