Jennie is a very trusting woman, and I appreciate and cherish the trust that I have. She lets me be myself and doesn't try to steal any of my magic. I am eternally grateful.
The following list is by no means exhaustive as it only strikes the surface, but here are some of the things that I can do without being questioned, accused of inappropriate things, kicked out, demeaned, belittled, or generally treated poorly:
- Spend a whole day not talking or communicating with my partner
- Go to they gym
- Go for a run
- Go out with my friends
- Go to see my family
- Stop somewhere that's not planned
- Take my children places without letting my partner know
- Do special things with my children
- Talk to other females
- Have a friendship with other females
- Get another female's phone number (for business or whatever purpose)
- Stay late at work
- Travel on business
- Go into work early
- Do things on my own -- whatever it may be
- Talk with my partner about another female
- Go away with my friends for a guys' weekend out
- Go out with my friends for a guys' night out
- Receive phone calls, text messages or emails from other females
- Have a female coworker that was not put under the microscope
- Have an attractive female coworker
- Go out to lunch, dinner, breakfast...whatever without being accused of cheating
This is just the beginning. You can see the pattern here.
I'm now free. The Me/Us project continues. In the next post, look for updates and plans for this site as we move it out to a new site altogether where you can blog about your BPD recovery, enter forum posts, or do what you want. Look for more information in the upcoming blog entries.
For now, if you're out of the BPD relationship, appreciate the freedom you have. Do something constructive with it.
Its really strange how we get so accostomed to the chaos. The first thing I noticed when my BPD and I split up was that I could finally relax. I didnt have to be hyperviligent about everything in an attempt to avoid the sndie, demeaning tone. I could relax and not be questioned in a hostile tone about everything - and I do mean everyting. It was like being micromanaged by a boss, but 10X worse.
ReplyDeleteIt was so nice to be able to make daily decisions over mundane things and not have to justify and explain every tiny detail or be badgered as to why I want to do ___.
My BPD had such control on my life and the way I think about things. I actually feel lost without them. I was programmed to change my way of thinking to fit the new "us". Pretty pathetic if you ask me.
ReplyDeleteI d like to comment and step back a little here if I can. Just coming out of a bpd relationship myself after 9 years, I would like to say that these comments might be a little light weighted. Yes a BPD person is self centered and therefore their ability to acknowledge other people relationship skill is very diminished. This causes a lot harm in the relationship trust and therefore somehow and somewhere both might have or show some of the pattern of "freedom deprivation" described in this thread. The BPD personalty and its by nature interdependence creates needs and unless those are fulfilled you as a person will feel guilty and therefore sort of act in a similar way. The BDP personality creates huge demands but is unable to access the "others" needs or demands on a long term basis. Somehow they have this ability to create a "shadow" of their desires and demands and needs and as partner you end up being a "shadow" of their demands because it means peace. So after so many years of persuasion and having lost my case, I have to admit I failed to understand the illness until it was too late and by this I feel I have failed the only person I have ever loved. Easy to judge - but when you meet a BPD person = remember how invincible you felt t? how the world you meant to them ? dont knock all of this because it did not suit your need of freedom - but next time you get involved with anyone that opens your "nurturing and gut instinct" - question yourself before it is too late. And never forget that recovering from BPD is doable for as long as you have the right support. I have lost the only person I have ever loved through that illness and I regret I did not see the signs before it has taken us apart. NG
ReplyDeleteI didn't even know my ex (sort of ex at that time) was BDP until he decided to fall in love with someone else and turn his back on our son and caused me to slip in to the non-bpd void. After seeking professional help for myself I see how bad he was and am working to break free. Unfortunately (for me) his new girlfriend broke up with him and now his trying to get back into our son's life. Its going to be a tough battle to keep me and the little guy safe from his crazy - but we will make it.
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