Monday, January 14, 2008

those damn sundays

Not sure why it hit me hard again on Sunday, but it did. You've been out of my life for months now, but it still hurts, god it hurts, sometimes.

I still think about what we had and I held it so precious. I knew that it was special, and I treated it appropriately. I cherished it all. God I wish you weren't so damn insecure, jealous, damn crazy.

I guess it's a double-edged sword -- I thought the love that we had was so pure, so innocent, so much love. Unfortunately, looking back, I don't think you thought that. I think that your mind was always in bad places, thinking that I was there just to screw with your head. Sorry you had such outrageous thoughts. I never screwed with you, sweetheart.

If you could have kept it together and not thought all those nutty thoughts, we'd still be together. How could I have made you feel better? Unfortunately, I don't think that I could. You're not there. You would never be there with me. It sucks, but it's true. My mind is not where yours is; you tried to bring me into that world, but I wouldn't, couldn't and shouldn't ever do it.

You found excuses to push me away, over and over again. Something's just not right, you used to say. You're right, your head just was not right. I was in bliss, so content with everything. You never admitted anything either. Put it on me, this way you have no problems. Put it on me. Damn it.

The shame of the matter was that my heart poured out to you. I knew how you felt, you knew it, but you made it bad. How could you make that bad? I still don't get it. Oh well.

I almost mailed my goodbye letter to you. I was going to burn a song on a cd and send it to you. unfortunately, i think that it would fall on deaf ears.

it's for the better, ultimately making my life better. i deserve better than your turmoil. I would have done it though.

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