Wednesday, May 7, 2008


At church on Sunday, Pastor talked about grace and how it has to flow freely from you. You need to be able to forgive others for their sins against you, and he cited a passage from the book of Acts. Tears ran down my face as I heard him say that. I feel real bad, but I'm having difficulty following the Lord in this instance.

I cannot forgive her for what she did. I just cannot forgive her.

The way she treated me, the way she acted just wasn't right. It was mean. It was heartless. It was not the way she told me she would treat me. She treated me much worse than she ever promised.

She was so hurtful. She did things with the intention of hurting, or with the intention of not being hurt herself. The world was all about her, and it was at my expense. I tried to show her who I really was, but she just never got it.

It didn't matter what I did or how I acted. She still was bent on the fact that I was bad. When I was there, I was the man in her eyes, but when I walked out the door, I was the devil.

Grudges were held not for months, but for years. She would cite things that happened early in the relationship that were not against her, but she thought that it was something against her, years later.

My children were hurt by her. Her children were hurt by her. The family was split apart because of her actions. I have not seen her girls since September because of her actions.

I am having difficulty forgiving her. All that I can do is pray that I can get the strength to forgive her, and hope that with time, I will be able to do this.

In time, I hope. In time...

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