Friday, December 5, 2008

1 Year

This is the one year anniversary of when she and I last saw one another. One year ago this weekend, we spent time together for the last time.

It's so crazy, looking back, thinking about where I was at with my life back then and how completely different it is now.

It's so different. I've grown so much and have changed so much.

Things with us one year ago were turbulent, to say the least. The funny thing is that thinking back about everything, I now realize how her perception was so different than mine. She was paying me lip service but in her mind, I was the bad one regardless of what she said. I was evil, I was the abuser, I was the one that caused her so much pain. 

The strange thing is that I always thought that things would come back together, but maybe I didn't. I had moved out, and I was beginning to determine ways to safeguard myself and my family. 

Anyway, it was one year ago when she said to me "I'll never trust you again," then drove away in her fit of fury.

She never trusted me from the start. Her loss. I'm pretty trustworthy.

They say it takes one year to fully heal from a Borderline relationship. One full year of no contact. 

This was the last time that she and I had contact, with the exception of some emails and text messages sent at the beginning of this year.

The latest contact that she tried to initiate was via the police department where she accused me of breaking into her Internet photo account, putting pictures of myself on her account.

Have I healed?


Have I lost a piece of me?


The End of The Innocence
One of the major attractions that a non has to a borderline is their innocence. They seem so innocent, so pure, and you think that you have such a pure love with them.

Unfortunately, this is an illusion. They make you feel like you have this "fairytale" romance that's so pure, but it's not. It's not real. You're merely a part of their play, I'm sorry to say

So, in the end, you lose your innocence. You emerge a better person, a stronger person, but a more callous person. Recovering from a relationship with a Borderline requires you to lose this as you re-acclimate with the world.

The nice thing is that you emerge with a level of clarity like no other. You almost see things too clearly.

I used to fear seeing her. Then I looked forward to seeing her so I could show her the person that I've emerged into.

Now, I don't care if I ever see her again. I still miss her daughters dearly, but her I don't care about.

That's what a year does -- it allows you to let go. For good.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Please tell me your story and how it relates to Borderline Personality Disorder. I appreciate any and all comments that you leave on this blog, and as long as they do not contain inappropriate language or are not on-topic, will publish them. Please note that I cannot respond to blogs as this is an anonymous blog. However, I will publish all appropropriate comments.