Friday, August 21, 2009

My Waterproof Cell Phone

The BPD was so suspicious of me communicating with others that I initially found it comical. I'd go to the bathroom and get super-uncomfortable. From the second date, she would accuse me of talking on the phone or text messaging when I would go to the bathroom.

Looking back, the BPD was so uncomfortable in her own skin, so insecure, that she couldn't handle anything. Her not having a job made things worse, as she had nothing to do except put her microscope on me and examine every aspect of my being, even when I went to the bathroom.

How crazy is that? Someone was so suspicious that they even questioned when you went to the bathroom. I've journaled about this before; if I spent too much time in the bathroom or if it didn't stink enough, I was doing something.

If you have this life, I'm sorry. You have to decide whether this is acceptable or not.

Anyway, I used to joke quite a bit with the BPD about this sense of insecurity. My rationale was always that I wasn't doing anything wrong, so I could joke all that I wanted.

I used to tell the borderline that I was going to get a waterproof cell phone so I could call my other girlfriends when I was in the shower. It would sound something like:

h-e-b-e-l-l-o-b-o, i-b-i-b-i-t-s m-e-b-e-b-e-b-e,

I-b-I-b-I-m-b-m-b-m-b-m i-b-i-n-b-n t-h-e-b-e s-h-o-b-o-w-e-b-e-r,

sh-e-b-e c-a-b-a-n-t h-e-b-e-r-e-b-e m-e-b-e t-a-b-a-lki-b-i-n-g i-b-n h-e-b-e-r-e-b-e

Then we'd laugh and laugh and laugh. The borderline would even laugh when I'd do this impersonation of me with my waterless cell phone. I'd also tell her that I was going to go into the back yard and send smoke signals to other women.

Funny, but sad.

One time, she found an old cell phone of mine. She called old friends and girlfriends, telling them that I had gotten diseases from prostitutes.

I learned about many of these things after the relationship had ended. Still, I probably would have stayed, sad to say.

The woman and her anxiety tried to destroy me and my integrity. Amazing that a person would go to such ends to control and oppress another person.

Wow. Thinking about this now gets me quite upset. I should have seen these things for what they were.

So, the waterproof cell phone was funny, for a while. However, it grows old and you get tired of such worrying.

You shouldn't have to worry like this.

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