Counseling

So, you get into a relationship with someone, and it's fraught with issues. She is a sweet person quite a lot of the time, but there are times where she is saying things that just aren't right.

They're wacky.

I remember thinking, people really think like this?

I learned that it's true and people really do think like that.

She could be the one, you think. But clearly, for this to work, we'll need to see counseling.

The BPD and I saw a total of four counselors. Tens out thousands of dollars. When you thought you were getting somewhere, you'd be brought back to square one, all in a blink of the eye.

A Sick Psychological Game

I remember how everything worked well. The relationship was great, but there were issues. So we went to a counselor that she had seen quite some time ago. The counselor saw her for a while, then told her it's time to go and released her.

I've learned that many psychologists dismiss their borderline patients because they will eventually try to manipulate the psychologists. Conversations go in circles and ultimately nowhere.

There are many therapies that work for borderlines. For the therapies to effectively work, however, the borderline must admit that they have issues, which is quite difficult for most afflicted with the disease.

So we went to her counselor first. After being there for an hour, she admitted that she was carrying old scars from previous relationships and that she needed to go back to counseling.

We never went back to that counselor again. The BPD admitted that the issue was theirs; not good for the BPD.

So, we next went to Gina, about two to three months after this. Gina was more convenient -- about ten minutes from my work.

We saw Gina once, but the BPD didn't like Gina. Gina was attractive and her office was in her house. The BPD told me, point blank, that she was afraid that I would sleep with Gina if we were in counseling sessions alone together.

Huh?

I went to Gina after I was kicked out the first time (see The Private Investigator entry). She was the first professional who told me that the BPD was, in fact, BPD. The first counselor was hers and would not disclose anything to me.

So, she kicks me out, I go to Gina, and I go back to her. We again need a new counselor, but this time, I want it to be someone to medicate her.

So, we go to Henry. We see Henry for a couple of months, and I think that things are going well. But, she refuses to medicate herself. I eventually request that I get medicated!

I was on Lexapro for about two weeks and realized that it did nothing for me. Oh well.

It Can All Fall Apart

Life was crazy. She was making life crazy. I had just gone through a divorce, was trying to be great to my children, trying to balance a stressful Internet Marketing job, and care for the unrealistic needs of a borderline.

"If you try to do it all," Henry warned me, "it will all fall apart." I remembered his words and have tried to simplify life whenever possible.

While we were seeing Henry, everything shifted. While I initially began discussing the issues and the problems that I was having with her behaviors, she shifted the conversations to problems that she was having with me. Once at Gina's, she came out and called me a narcissist, but now, she was letting it all fly. I was defending my behaviors and issues and trying to justify things.

Schizophrenic

Then, she went to the next level. She said that my behaviors were things that I had no recollection of, things that I didn't know that I was doing.

She told me that I was dissociating. That I had multiple personalities. In the counselors office. She told me that I had Dissociative Identity Disorder

I still didn't run for the hills. What was I thinking?

I quickly realized that this was a sick psychological game that the borderline was playing. A sick game.

The counselor looked at me and queried, "do you think that you're doing this?"

"I don't remember doing this," I responded.

He said that he had no choice, but had to refer us to a counselor for evaluation and treatment. Later, he told me that the treatment was going nowhere and he needed to refer us to someone who could help move us along.

We then went to see Valerie, together and apart, for a full year. Learn about what happened with Valerie and my Dissociative Identity Disorder evaluation and treatment.