Thursday, November 26, 2009

BPD and Thanksgiving: Holiday Drama

The BPD was quite interesting around the holidays. Her parents, who lived a couple of states away, would come up for this holiday and would stay with her sister.

However, my family has had a tradition that is now about 20 years old. My parents have Thanksgiving dinner every year at their house. My kids have never missed a year, and none of us miss this tradition.

Thanksgiving is the time of year where we get together, celebrate good times and enjoy one another. We have a close family that enjoys one another's company, so there is no dysfunction at family meals.

The Borderline's family was different. The BPD's mother is an alcoholic, drinking at least a bottle of wine a night, so the dysfunction runs rampant. Her father never had a real career, working as a sales representative for multiple companies and selling groceries, air conditioners and other products. No wonder there were so many problems, looking back.

Anyway, in 2006, we were together, and I told her about Thanksgiving, which she was happy to attend. Given that her parents were in town, we would have dessert at her sister's house so we could see her family -- the win-win for all involved.

Her parents weren't very happy. They wanted us to be there for the entire time. When she told them otherwise, it caused major issues.

When we got there, her mother was drunk and made a scene. At least we know where the BPD learned about drama.

I tried to keep things light, but it was a train wreck. The kids had a good time, which is what matters.

The following year was right before we broke up. We actually saw Valerie the last time right after Thanksgiving, but we didn't spend Thanksgiving together. This is when The Showdown occurred and we discussed who was borderline -- more total BPD Drama. I had thought we were going to be back together in the near future, but the relationship imploded within two weeks, not to be put back together.

The BPD learned about drama from her family, and it was clearly displayed by her mother. They couldn't respect the fact that my family was having Thanksgiving and that we would split our attendance so both would be happy. It was an all-or-nothing proposition in their mind, win-lose.

The drama never stopped. Every turn had to be conflict. Drama proves their worth, and this is yet another example of this.

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