Today's dating world is different than it was five, ten and 20 years ago. The Internet has revolutionized dating, in some ways for good, in others for bad.
If we use the Internet and Internet dating sites properly, they can be used for good and to help find a new partner.
Meeting Good -- And Bad -- People On the Internet
When I first started using dating sites, particularly Match.com, I met women that well, had BPD tendencies or were BPD. My nature was to gravitate towards women that had those tendencies, and after I read books like No More Mr. Nice Guy
, I learned how to not meet these kinds of women.
, I learned how to not meet these kinds of women. That was growth that had to take place within me, though. It took time, effort and a lot of self-examination, which I continue to do.
At a certain point, I began looking for the right things in women -- I suddenly stopped looking at whether they liked to party, and I started looking at the substance behind them.
The Internet and Internet dating sites allow us to take that first step in the screening process. It's a time-consuming process, but the Internet allows us to quickly screen people like you weren't ever able to do before.
Now, you can go through enormous numbers of people on paper and see how they match up to you. Are they good fits or not?
With that said, the founder of eHarmony has said that it still takes about two years to get to know someone, and I believe that. You still have to spend the time to see how they are deep down inside, if you are compatible with them, and if you have the same outlooks on life. This takes time.
I met Jennie on a dating site. We've now been together for two years, and we're getting ready to marry. Without a dating site, we may never have met (again -- we knew one another in High School).
Clearly, dating sites are beneficial. You just have to use them properly, then have fun!
Dating Site May Promotions, Packages and More
I recently heard about a number of new promotions that the dating sites are doing, so I wanted to pass them along. Be sure to still screen out your partners so you get the right ones, and watch out for the eyes...
Note: I've also included sites (below) that are not offering specials -- the ones that have specials are indicated below (by the offer)
Spring Into Love Now on PerfectMatch.com. Special Seasonal Offer: Over 30% Off Two Month Subscription for Only $24.98/Month.
Try Chemistry.com FREE with our Free Communication Weekend - This weekend!
Flirt, Date, Fall in Love on PassionSearch.com
Try Chemistry.com FREE with our Free Communication Weekend - This weekend!
Flirt, Date, Fall in Love on PassionSearch.com
Dating sites are where the vampires go to harvest fresh souls. They have plenty of victims to choose from - victims who are obviously available, and hopeful, and vulnerable. I used to think that meeting my BPD was a star-crossed event. She was in such a remote area - so amazing that I could so randomly meet someone with whom I connected with so incredibly well! These things kept me working on our "relationship" in spite of her textbook BPD behaviors. In time, I became aware that she was always trolling the dating sites on a daily basis for new sources/supplies of attention. Our meeting was no coincidence at all. She cast a wide net across multiple states and I was just one sucker caught up with the rest of them. It was so easy for her - she had a long list of guys who knew they were next in line to be her boyfriend. It imbued her with confidence... and arrogance. Equally narcissist as BPD. I wish I knew this stuff existed. Evil? Disgusting.
ReplyDeleteI swear, we probably dated the same BPD. At the end of the relationship, she would threaten me with, "we're over, I'm going back on match.com." Then I'd go onto match.com and see her picture there, in my face. That used to make me sooooo sad, like she was leaving me all alone.
DeleteThen after one of those threats, I said 'enough' and put myself onto match.com. She FREAKED OUT, this was one of the times at the end where her borderline venom came out. Woo!
The next day, she called me and accosted me about my profile, ripping it apart. She then proceeded to tell me that her parents also looked at it and then made nasty comments about it as well.
Jeez. Even the family got into it. I told her that if she didn't have anything nice to say, then not to say anything at all.
That was the last time we talked. I don't remember the date anymore, but it was right before Christmas of 2007. Over four years ago.
I actually went back on the dating site for about five months after my relationship with the BPD was over. I dated a number of people of all walks of life. While there are definitely BPDs on the dating site, there are also semi-normal (who's really normal anyway) people on the site.
I actually met my wife on the site. So, they're not all crazy on there, but you do need to have your guard up for the BPDs!