Friday, September 11, 2009


September 11 is always tough. I watched the towers burn from across the river in New Jersey. Watched them burn, then watched them come down. In the town I was living, we lost 8 people, all of which worked for Cantor Fitzgerald.

I was driving in the car right after the first plane hit and while the second one did. I remember it so vividly, it amazes me. The smell of smoke lingered in the air for weeks, and the United States will never be the same.

Like they say, we will always remember 9/11.

That was long before I was in the relationship with the BPD. I was married, very unhappily, and pretty sure that my now ex wife was cheating on me. It was eating me up, and I felt terrible. Life was terrible.

It took me two more years to finally break the chains with my ex wife and separate from her; she was not borderline but had been abused by her school janitor as a 12-year-old. She matured very little from that point. Given the fact that her mother had suffered the same kind of abuse (but worse), she was wrought with negativity, close mindedness and being judgemental. Not my kind of person.

It took me many years to get over the divorce, and this is probably why I entered into a relationship with the BPD. The level of adoration from a BPD is so counter to what I received when I was married. The complete opposite.

I needed that level of adoration from someone. I needed to be pumped up and adored. I was wounded and sore, and I needed someone who appreciated me.

The problem is that the adoration was combined with being told how bad I was and having to prove my worth and trustworthiness. Ultimately, an unacceptable combination.

9/11 will always be a day that we remember. We cannot ever forget all the people that gave their lives that day. There were many firefighters that died, but many white collar professionals and workers that were just at work and perished for this country.

It also reminds you how important it is to celebrate freedom and your personal freedoms. If you have a mind that is troubled, make it clean. Make it whole. Keep yourself free from things that mess up your mind; this includes toxic people that mess up your mind. Your mind is too precious an asset to waste.

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