I disagree. I do have a lot of healing to do, but for other reasons. I haven't seen this woman for nearly two years -- how could I NOT have let go?
I've recognized the good times of the relationship, and I look back at those times fondly.
However, I also recognize the bad times of the relationship, and I'm still healing from the small abuse and control tactics.
I've let go, but I'm still healing.
Last night, I went out to my car to get something. I was gone for 30 seconds. When I got back, the fear that I used to have when I was in a relationship with the BPD fell upon ready, and I began to mentally brace myself for the 'what were you doing? Who were you sending a text message to?' accusations.
I quickly breathed a sigh of relief when those accusations didn't come from my girlfriend. They've never come and they never will come. I then tell her, "you don't know how bad my life was when I was with her."
I don't need to let go. I do need to heal from the abuse that I suffered from her. That abuse, no matter how confident you are, eventually wears on your soul and wears you down.
It wore me down and ate into me. I'm still recovering. Thank The Lord that Jennie is a patient and kind woman.
I fell in love with a borderline man about 2 years ago. At the time, of course, I did not suspect borderline. Psychology has always been a side interest for me (read books on various psychology topics) and an understudy in college. I fell for a guy that is very intellegent, professional, fun, funny... In the beginning he was attentive and did little romantic things and wanted to spend time with me; however, he was also ending a previous longterm live together relationship. I quickly found out that he had cheated with numerous women during the longterm relationship. For some reason, I chose to accept that and expect he'd be faithful to me becuase he knew how important it was to me. I do think that he was likely physically faithful, but not emotionally faithful. He continued regular/frequent contact (phone, email, text and once in a while meeting) with several of the ex's. He did not move all of his things out of the ex's and had excuses why. I told him that friends is okay with appropriate boundaries. Except it wasn't appropriate boundaries. The ex's contacted him frequently, sent love cards in the mail, acted needy. He kept saying that he wasn't abandoning friends that counted on him. In addition, he often flirted with other women in front of me, frequented porn websites, and commented on his interaction with pretty women. He never thought it was rude and often said he was "high testosterone." In the beginning he showed many signs of jealousy, intense anger with me and others, depression, self loath, suicide remarks, anxiety, short disappearing... The entire time we were together, it was a rollercoaster of rocky road then fun times and back to rocky. A few months ago, I realized that these aren't just issues with the last longterm relationship, it clearly is BPD. The last few months, he started cutting me out slowly -- un-friended me on facebook, blocked my email from his personal account, deleted my info. from his cell and told me he only had time to spend with me on Sundays. I am incredibly hurt by his behavior. My head tells me he doesn't really love me whole-heartedly because he can't, he's so afraid of abandonment that he keeps all the ex's hovering, he can't commit to me because he is so afraid of abandonment if he has to let go of the others, he controls me with his conditions on the relationship, he struggles to say I love you, he has inapropriate anger often, he is in AA, he sometimes is a loner, he says he imagines women cheating on him so that when it happens he can deal with it, and he sabotoges our relationship with imposed restrictions. The other side is: I fell in love not knowing those things at first, I felt we really connected at first, he was fun and happy, I loved his bright eyes, humor, voice, and touch. I sometimes think some of my letting go problem is about rejection moreso than love, and I've never felt so comfortable with anyone before. I'm 49 and feel like it might have been my last chance and I'm terrible sad. I am smart and educated on the BPD subject, yet I still fell. Maybe I'm just foolish for love since the real deal is soooo rare. -- LMV
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