Wednesday, September 16, 2009


I hadn't thought about this until recently, but it's been on my mind for a number of reasons. I recently saw the BPD. I saw her. It was strange, real strange.

I had my two boys with me and we were trying to eat something -- quickly -- before they had to go to Youth Group at the church. We walked into an Italian restaurant, then walked out becuase we didn't want to eat there. So, we were pulling out, when we saw her get out of her truck with her nephew. Her sister-in-law got out of another vehicle and the three were walking into the local supermarket.

We drove around the three of them, being sure that they couldn't see us, then we left. It was strange -- real strange.

When you're in a dysfunctional relationship with a borderline that ended like it did, what do you do?

The best thing to do based on what I've heard from others' experiences is to avoid, avoid, avoid the situation. What good will it do?

- This woman, at the end of the relationship, told me that she would call the police if I went to her house to see her.
- This woman, at the end of the relationship, contacted a counselor that we both had seen and said that she was feeling like her safety was threatened
This woman, six after the relationship had terminated, contacted the police and accused me of sending her emails and putting pictures of myself and my family on her web photo gallery.

If anything, any interaction with this woman could end in hostility, accusations and more. For what? Because I would hope to get some kind of apology, acknowledgement of her wrongdoings, or something?

That's not going to happen. She thinks that she's been wronged. She believes it.

I had thought that she was in town because her nephew was graduating from high school. I now think that her deceased husband's father passed away and she was in town for the Memorial Service. This happened three months ago, but I hadn't thought too much about it. My girlfriend and I were talking about it recently and I thought about it.

I'm happy that I didn't have to see the BPD face-to-face and actually speak with her. Don't know what I'd say or if she would later accuse me of stalking her or something. My girlfriend said to me that I will probably run into her and I had better be prepared, but I will most likely avoid this run-in at all costs.

I was taught to think win-win in the world -- running into the BPD would be a no-win situation. I wouldn't get the apology, acknowledgement of wrongdoing or any other thing that would make me feel better about the situation, so it would just have the opportunity for trouble.

1 comment:

  1. Avoiding the situation is key, but it is also important not to let the possibility of chance encounters with the BPD change your own lifestyle.
    My BPD & I used to visit a bar near my home when we were together; after we separated, we would occasionally see each other there. We avoided each other and everything seemed okay...but I learned months later that she had accused me of stalking her and tearfully told friends of mine that she was afraid of me. I was floored, to say the least.

    I had to make a decision: stop going to that location, where I often met with friends, or take the risk that she would be there and accuse me of stalking her. I continued going, though still avoiding her when she was there; eventually she began to come in less, and now (thankfully) I haven't seen her in months.

    I understand the desire to never see the BPD again (the drama is just too thick!), but it is important not to let the possibility of a chance run-in alter your habits or lifestyle. They simply should not be given the power to control your life in that way...especially AFTER you've separated.


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