September

Summer is exiting and fall is upon us -- it's the time of year when things are just beautiful in my part of the world. My life is good, but this time of year is still difficult. Two years ago, I was officially severing the relationship, then going back in. Then the relationship was off, then on, and the dance continued.

There was so much turmoil two years ago; I guess that I've never been able to really deal with it. I spent most of my days in a state of depression, or I was in automatic 'movin out' mode where I was readying myself for a big change.

That's what I've learned about myself. I'm good making change. I'm not good actually healing from the trauma or dysfunction that precipitated the change.

To make that a little more understandable -- I can make change easily. I don't easily heal from the change. I hide from it and try not to deal with it.

I guess we're all like this, but I may be a little more sensitive to it. Or maybe I'm just noticing this in myself now.

I bet that I'm going to feel like this even more in the future. I'll try to be strong and not run from these feelings, but when it's time to deal with it, you know.

It's time. Stay tuned.