Sunday, January 10, 2010

Depression and Depression Treatment for Someone Recovering from a Relationship Loss

So, you've just ended a relationship with someone. Reading through this, we could actually apply these principles to someone with Borderline Personality Disorder or someone who ends a normal relationship. The pain is incredible, and you're feeling quite depressed.

You're suffering from depression. Do you need treatment?


Depression After a Relationship Ends is Normal
After a relationship ends, it's normal to be depressed. After all, this person meant something special to you, and now they're gone. What do you do?  

Mourn. You have to mourn the loss. It's what you do -- it stinks, but it's normal, it's human, and you can get through it.

Mourning a relationship is just that, it's like having someone die on youIn fact, these are the normal phases of grieving a death; they can be used for grieving the loss of a loved one as well:
  • Shock is the first stage. At first, you may be numb.
  • Next, you'll probably go into some type of Denial
  • Next you'll feel guilt. This is normal. You wish that you had or hadn't done something with the person.
  • The next phase is usually anger. This is necessary to get past the loss. 
  • Depression may come and go and be different each time in length and/or intensity.
  • Resignation means you finally believe the reality of the loss
  • Acceptance and Hope come when you finally understand that you will never be the same, but you can go on to have meaning and purpose in your life.
 Depression should decrease over time. If it doesn't, you should see a psychologist for evaluation, and maybe a psychiatrist for depression treatment. Sometimes, just talking through the issues with a psychologist is enough depression treatment.

Getting Over The Relationship
A suicide survival website also discusses how to get over the loss. This actually applies to someone who lost a loved one with or without BPD, but given the disorder, it may actually be even more applicable to someone leaving a relationship with a borderline:
  • Tell the story -- Isn't it true that you need to tell your story so you can 're-frame' it? You need to tell someone the entire story so you can make sense of it and understand what's normal and what's not. Some want to stuff this kind of grief and put it away, but clearly, that does not do any good long term
  • Express the emotions that you need to express -- Again, you can't stuff your emotions. They will come out in unhealthy ways. Be sure to let go of the emotions. If it's real difficult, literally schedule time to mourn, and go into a room or somewhere private and mourn. Doing this over and over will help you get through the pain. 
  • Make Meaning From The Loss -- Determine how you will change, what you will do to grow as a person. We all grow from the time we are born until we die. We continue to evolve, learn new things and change our behaviors, further refining ourselves. Will you join a church? Will you gain a spiritual side? Will you take up a new activity? Will you teach yourself to play an instrument? You need to show how you will grow from the loss, then demonstrate this growth.
  • Transition from The Person to A New Relationship -- This is the toughest one. You have to become a new person that displaces some of the relationship energy. Jumping into a new relationship usually doesn't work, because you need to grow. So, you need to find outlets for some of the relationship energies. Go out with friends. Join a support or social group. You see where I'm going here.
Depression from the loss of a relationship, borderline or not, is normal. It can last months, but you should begin to feel better. Don't get me wrong, it may take you years to feel completely back to normal (depending on the length of the relationship), but within 90 days, you should be feeling better.

If you don't, you may want to see a psychologist or psychiatrist for depression treatment. Allow yourself to grieve and go through the steps of getting over the relationship. You can do it.

Recommended Reading

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