Are all people that have these eyes borderline? I'm not sure.
I discussed this with a counselor once. The counselor told me that you could spot a Borderline a mile away, by the look in their eyes. The counselor also indicated that borderlines had so much pent up anxiety and intensity that as they aged, their faces would get a chiseled look from the constant clenching
I used to show the BPD her anxiety eyes in pictures. I would say to her, "look, there are your anxiety eyes...I can see them there." She would get upset when I would say something like this.
After we broke up, I saw a couple of pictures of her. She would have them taken where you couldn't see her anxiety eyes. They would either be taken far away or she would have sunglasses.
Strangely, her sister would also have those anxiety eyes in her pictures, although I thought her sister was much more down-to-earth than the BPD.
Do only borderlines have these anxiety eyes? I'm not sure. You can tell a borderline a mile away, though, from the look in their eyes. They have this look where they're looking at you, eyes all wide open, pupils fully dilated, but their look is still somewhat blank.
If you've seen it, you know it. You probably won't forget it.
Ever.
Oh man, the eyes! I know exactly what you are talking about! You know at first all the stuff she did i thought was just crazy girl stuff. But those eyes always told me something is wrong! I felt like i was looking into a black hole. So for everyone out there look past everything they do if you see that emptiness,like he says YOU WILL KNOW IT!...RUN FOR THE HILLS!
ReplyDeleteYes and all psychopaths look like emotionless robots. It's a look they have. What utter nonsense.
ReplyDeleteYou are either BPD or you obviously have not spent any time with them.
DeleteThese posts are dead on.
Make your jokes.
If you arent one, I hope you marry one. LOL
When I first heard about the notion that borderlines share a trait like "they have the same eyes" I though that it sounded absurd, but after clicking on the thumbnail of one of your blog followers who admits to be diagnosed and who is in recovery it was undeniable. Not so much the eyes alone but that blank emotionless stare, like a mask; emptiness.
ReplyDeleteI saw this look occasionally or flashes of it, more towards the end, but it was there, when she would shut down. One time I took her out to dinner for fun, to let her know that I appreciated her and halfway into our first round of drinks she just shut down, out of the blue, like one minute we're both excited to be going out/spending time and the next she's emotionally blacked out, won't say why or what happened or what's wrong or anything, just that expression, those eyes and the lack of anything, just gone.
This spell pretty much ruined the night and she said that the bartender just made her feel weird because he wasn't paying her enough attention or giving her the attention she thought she needed. I don't know this made no sense to me, she definitely needed everyone to love her all the time and across the board, both male and female, which makes you wonder. I couldn't tell if this was another passive aggressive ploy, like she was mad about something I did and was getting back at me by ruining the night that I had tried to make special.
This is the crazy-making behavior of a borderline and how it makes you crazy by trying to figure it out, you start to understand a little about how they operate and start trying to analyze their behavior and understand their train of thought but that ends up making you crazy because in the end its just complete chaos.
This episode spilled over into the next day and the only thing I remember from the night was what a disaster it was, not the fact that it was fun and we went out to dinner and enjoyed each others company.
My BPD was only a Facebook friend, but I always thought it was interesting that she posted so few pictures of herself (four). Most girls post far more. And in none of the pictures can you get a good look at her eyes (the window of the soul). She was either too far away, the lighting was off, the angle was wrong. The very best picture (which wasn't great) you could make out the no-vacancy, sad eyes.
ReplyDeleteWe also talked a couple times on the phone and there was a sadness there as well, that was undeniable.
A man I know has eyes like that. I used to be so attracted to him, but when I realised something is emotionally wrong with him as he was a womaniser I started avoiding him. But then I read about BPD in men, and the lack of love they had as children. It makes me feel so sad for him in a way. I feel bad for avoiding him, but at the same time it´s like I would have to be 100% free from my attraction to him in order to truly be a friend. And even then he´d probably take advantage somehow. I am torn about how to treat him. His eyes look at eeryone with this longing, it´s like he´s a black hole. He swallows everything, no amount of matter, no matter how beautiful and loving is enough to heal him. I feel sad when I think about him.
ReplyDelete