Thursday, December 31, 2009

BPD Resolutions For The New Year: Ways to Make Yourself Feel Better

It's time for yet another year to be behind us. We can look back on the year, think about what we've done well and what we wish we had done differently, and make changes.

We can make changes to the parts of our life that need change, but we need to recognize that this type of change will take time. We can make the change, but it will take time.

We need to be patient with ourselves.

My New Years Resolutions After The BPD Relationship
I remember after the BPD relationship terminated in 2007, making a list of New Years Resolutions. I had kept them up until a couple of weeks ago when I threw them out. They were something like this:

  1.  Heal fully from the BPD relationship
  2. Get my finances back in order
  3. Finish learning to play the guitar -- start learning to play another instrument
  4. Get myself set to have an excellent relationship 

I think those were the main ones. How did I do?

1. Heal Fully -- Who was I kidding? It would take longer. I think I'm there, but it took a lot longer

2. Get finances back in order -- I actually slid further into the abyss on this one, getting myself tens of thousands of dollars into debt. I stopped the skid this (soon to be last) year and am on the road to recovery, but this one took time -- a lot more time than I wanted or expectd.

3. Finish learning to play the guitar -- This one also took more time than I expected. I started taking lessons, but stopped playing for a while. I'm back on the guitar -- big time, and hope to be done this year.

4. Get myself set to have an excellent relationship -- I don't know if I got myself set, but I've been having one. She recognized my pain and worked with my while I was healing.  I think that part of this was the Law of Attraction or what's found in the book The Secret. The book's a quick read, and I'd recommend it to everyone who is looking for a good read (by the way, I've started to link Amazon purchasing into this so you can quickly get to books I recommend -- let me know how you like it).

Ways to Make Yourself Feel Better
I felt horrible -- absolutely horrible -- after getting out of the relationship with the Borderline. I know, this is a pretty straightforward one. The holidays are particularly tough when you're alone and you've just gotten out of a relationship with a Borderline. You feel numb.

20 Good Things About Me
One of the things I did was write down 20 good things about me. It's a silly self esteem exercise, but it works.

If you're feeling real bad about yourself, start with ten good things. Write them down. Then, go to the mirror and read them to yourself while looking at yourself. This should help make yourself feel better and actually works.

Self Affirming Statements
When you're feeling real bad about yourself, the self affirming statements can make you feel good about yourself, real quickly. How do you do them? It's real easy.

First, write down a number of statements that are in this format:
- I'm a good person
- I'm a smart person
- I'm an attractive person
- I deserve a great relationship
- I deserve someone who treats me well
- I deserve goodness
- Goodness is what I am going to get in life

Say them to yourself daily; say them hourly if you need to. Saying these things will help you fell much better about yourself and will keep you in the right place mentally.

When you're deep in cardiovascular exercise, huffing and puffing, how can you feel bad about yourself? Something magical happens when you work out. I'm not sure what it is, but you concentrate on the effort at hand, and the rest of the world becomes okay for that time. I highly recommend exercising when you're feeling bad.

If you've read the blog, you knew that this one was going to come out. Prayer will heal most everything. I'll tell you amazing stories of salvation and redemption that occur through prayer, and I personally can attest to this.

Pray to God to help unleash you from the pain and suffering that you are experiencing. Pray to God for clarity, for understanding and to help understand why these things have happened. Pray to God so he can help make you feel better.

It works. It has worked for me, and it can work for you too.

Happy New Year

As we close the chapter in 2009 and welcome 2010, we can look back and decide to be different people in the upcoming year. We can evolve in 2010 and become that person that we always dreamed of being. Have a Happy New Year and look for new posts in the New Year, more focused on healing you.

Also, look for an e-book on these topics and more. Thanks to each and every one of you for your comments and contributions. You provide wonderful insight and depth that make this blog a community site, not just one person's blabber.

1 comment:

  1. to the Author

    Happy 2010 & thank you so much


Please tell me your story and how it relates to Borderline Personality Disorder. I appreciate any and all comments that you leave on this blog, and as long as they do not contain inappropriate language or are not on-topic, will publish them. Please note that I cannot respond to blogs as this is an anonymous blog. However, I will publish all appropropriate comments.