Sunday, December 13, 2009

BPD and Religion: Born Again or Not?

You'll see that many Borderlines are religious. Many aren't religious. Many BPDs are born again. And again. And again. Many never go near religion.

It's a tough one, religion and borderlines. My ex BPD was raised by her parents -- one was Jewish, the other was Methodist. We spoke about going to church, thought that we had found a church to attend, but never did actually attend.

The Supernatural
The BPD thought that she was quite spiritual; in fact, she said that she would actually have premonitions. Before her husband died, she said that she had a feeling that he was going to die.

From what I saw with her, she did not have any type of spiritual insight. In fact, she was so all-over-the-place that she had 1,000 "premonitions" a day -- if one of them came to fruition, she suddenly felt like she was psychic.

I've covered this before, but the BPD's anxieties were all over the place. She looked at the world, particularly our relationship, so negatively that she found negative things to cite.

The Borderline actually sought the experience of many outside psychics. She contacted one famous psychic and spent over $700 USD to get her input on her husband's death and if Bob was a good person in her life. She actually had a CD of the recording -- the woman tells her that she's going to live to be 88, blah blah blah but gives her no input on the Bob in her life, or the Robert as she asked. It was a silly way to spend $700 in my opinion.

She went to another psychic that told her that she was going to meet her next husband in the timeframe when she met me. This one died after they met in-person in New York City.

Aaaaaah, the drama. Nothing like a little borderline drama to keep things exciting.

Devout Followers
When Borderlines get involved in religion, they get quite involved and will be extreme. Some say that BPDs are inclined to join cults and other extreme groups.

In Christianity, Borderlines will most likely be extremely evangelical followers. One BPD said that she was Born Again -- twice, stating, "I always left the door open for Jesus, even when I wasn't going to church."

Borderlines like the structure that religion brings. The Bible is black and white, so the BPD can have understandable rules that they follow, provided their partners support religion and the church. Overall, it's good for BPDs as it gives them structure and rules to live by.

If you have a BPD in your life and want to help the relationship, attending a local church and joining a religion may help quiet some of the turbulent times. Think about it, and see if it can work for you.


  1. My ex bpd was highly contradictory or confused about his religious beliefs. Does this go back to a lack of sense of self? He claimed he was a Buddhist. However, he also spoke about joining a Christian Church and talked about being raised Catholic. To this day, I do not know what he "believes" in or has faith about. He was a rager and got into many physical fights. He also said the meanest words to myself, his family and strangers. To me, that goes against "Buddhism"... or any decent form of humanity. This was the same on political views too. He was against the war, but is not against violence. Or nevermind, it was everyone else who "triggered" him and he was the most "peaceful" Buddhist you'll ever meet. Yes, he said those words. This illness is so confusing that it defies logic.

  2. BPDs will not ( usually, I have known 3, sadly) realy adhere to the tenents of any religion. They pick and choose. One will say they are christian, and be utterly promiscuous. Another will shun a church for a perceived slight because the people do not want to constantly meet her demands for attention or friendship ( which the BPD is not capable of anyway). Ultimately, whether christian or buddhist is a requirement of selflessness...that is not in the BPD vernacular.

  3. I dated a girl who had borderline personality disorder and was really into Christianity and presented herself as a moral church-goer around her parents but as kind of a liberal New Age Christian around a younger crowd. She adhered to the standards of Christianity when it was convenient for her.

    I think it provided her some sort of an identity and structure for her but in other areas it was just another stage for her to perform on. She was always getting up in front of the church and talking about things in her life, essentially presenting herself as a victim and would then work her borderline magic on the crowd. It was also a huge scene, potential dating pool and a source of social standing and of course power. There was basically a network of local businesses and people and families that were all affiliated with this church and I think that is what interested her the most, that here were all these people who had money and were established that went to the same church as she did.

    She seemed to flock to and foster relationships with people who had money and power and were considered successful, doctors and business owners, which seemed contrary to the teachings of the Bible and the fundamental ideas behind religion.

    Whenever things were spiraling out of control or she was raging I always laughed about the fact that she considered herself such a Christian, how ironic. I'm glad I got out when I did. What a smoke screen. There is a connection there with her BPD, it was like it allowed her to have that support group and not be judged, whether that fostered her borderline traits or helped her in the long run I don't know.

  4. My wife was saved as a teen ager. One day she had a premonition that I was to be her husband. She met with a friend and they prayed about it. They boldly prayed that if I we were to marry that I would ask her within the next couple of week. I hadn't even considered the thought of marrying her, but as I drove down the road it was as if I heard it in my head, "ask her to marry you." I thought "NOW?" So, I did.

    I was about 6 years older than she was. Her parents were fine with the relationship and signed off on the marriage. We met with a judge as we got the marriage license and he signed off on it as well. One day, about 6 days before her 17th birthday and 4 months before we were to marry, she cornered me in her room and told me how she was afraid she was going to lose me. I wanted her to know and understand that I had no intention of leaving her so to comfort her I asked her if she would like to say our vows right then and there. In hind sight, this was a stupid thing to do, but we did none the less. After saying our vows, I told her that she didn't have to fear me leaving her because I felt that if I left her now that it would be like divorcing her and I had no intention of doing that.

    Fast forward 17 years. We are still married, had 4 kids together and I have still been faithful to her. Things completely fell apart. Everything that she had as a dream when she was younger (and I was able to provide) became a curse in her eyes. She wanted to be a stay at home mom. I gave that to her and now she says I kept her barefoot and pregnant. Anything I was good at she was jealous of as she NEVER got to do anything or pursue her dreams because “she had kids too young.” We had our first child 2 years after we were married.

    After 17 years of marriage, my BPD wife kicked in the smear campaigns after I discovered she was cheating on me and I wouldn’t tolerate it. She told my pastor of how we had sex before we were married, assuming it would be a huge revelation that would cause him to dislike me. When that wasn’t effective, she went for the jugular and told him I was a child molester. Not that I molested my children, but that I molested her. Go figure.

    We have been separated for a while now and on our way to divorce. The raging has slowed down. When it happens I don't acknowledge it. My kids have to deal with her wrath though. But the smear campaign continues on. She tells all of her friends of how overly controlling I am of her and the kids and how I molested her when she was 16. Every opportunity she gets to put me down she does.

    We started this relationship as Christians and stayed in the church for years. Now today, I and the kids still go to church but she won’t have anything to do with it because, "God hates her." Anytime something goes wrong, she says "I don't know what YOUR god is thinking." The black and white mentality has now been placed even on God. That is somewhat comforting to me because if God can't please her there ain't any way I can.

    After 17 years, I am very ready for this to be over. It has been a horrible ride that I never intend to go on again.

  5. I was single and met a divorced man in 1998. He has a son, who was 4 1/2 at the time. The bpd exwife kept the son up as late as possible before visitation so that both dad and son would not have a good weekend together.

    After her 3rd single car accident with the boy in the car and her in the hospital for a long stay, my then bf won custody.The boy came to live with us when he was 5 1/2. He didn't know how to tie his shoes, wasn't aware that he should wash his hands after potty and so on. He kicked, he head butted and he bit.In other words, she might have had custody of her son, but she wasn't doing anything remotely like raising him.

    After coming to live with us, he flourished but she eventually regained overnight visitation and everything then went south. We could not get monitored visitation for him with his mom. She was treated by the court as though she were handicapped person that could not be discriminated against. She refused to do anything required of her by the judge and after time would elapse, the judge would just ignore that and move on as though nothing had happened. She (Jewish) became a Christian almost overnight and insisted on having her son every other Christmas for visitation. The lawyers and the judges only exacerbated the issues. It seemed that the court was her stage and what an actor she was! Poor, pitiful her.

    Many, many issues followed, but the long and short of it is that she eventually brainwashed the boy into thinking his father and I were bad and his mom was good. She convinced him to take keys to my home, my bfs home, my bfs car in order to give them to her. But because she never took the bfs car and was never caught using the keys to our homes and nothing was missing, no crime was committed, said the judge. Of course locks were changed.

    Fast forward. When he was 12 1/2 (the age at which he should have been figuring things out on his own and seeing that he shouldn't listen to his mom, but did anyway), we could no longer live like prisoners in our own home. The boy was spying into finances, stealing money, etc. for his mother. He went back to live with his mom. He is now 18 and will be 19 in March. We have not heard from him since he left to go live with his mother at the age of 12 1/2.

    I still have lifelock on all of my finances. The last time there was an attempted break in at my house was December of 2011, just before the boy turned 18 in March. Someone else orders my free credit report every year (but of course, they don't receive it). No, you are right, I can't prove all of this was her and her son....but given the many things that aren't listed here, because this is already too long, one could see how I would think that way.

    From the time I've been on the scene, the woman has never held a job. She receives disability, food stamps, subsidized housing, cell phone, subsidized utilities etc. Had she put as much effort into supporting herself and her son, as she did ruining numerous lives, she could have made a very good living. I think the only reason she had a child was to have someone that loved her that couldn't walk away, and for child support in case her husband did (and he did).

    We took him to 6 different counselors in the course of 6 years. Issues in school, acting out etc. All said the same thing, unless the child would speak freely about his mother about any abuse etc, that nothing could be done. The boy called his mother an angel and criticized his dad to every counselor.

    I don't feel sorry for her because she has a disease. I feel sorry for anyone that ever has to have anything to do with her. I especially feel sorry for her son who had both sets of grandparents (she didn't keep him in touch with her family, but we did when he lived here), his father, his numerous aunts and uncles and cousins. He lost everybody that loved him and has only her, exactly as she wanted it to be and manipulated to make it so. She is evil, regardless of whether she has an illness to blame it on or not.


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