Monday, December 21, 2009


When I was living with the borderline, there was a massive storm one spring day. The storm dumped inches of water on the area.

After the first day's rain, I took the kids home for the weekend. The storm began on a Saturday, and it was ugly by Sunday. As I took the kids home, the BPD called me and said that her finished basement was beginning to get water in it.

I asked her to check the sump pump, but she couldn't as it was sealed up. I dropped the kids then stopped at a local harware store, purchasing a temporary sump pump and various other supplies, such as a shop vac, so we could get the water out.

I also called my parents. My father came down to the house and helped figure out the situation as well.

Teamwork Amidst Rising Water
We were all working on the problem. We were moving items that were getting destroyed, putting furniture up so it would not be ruined, relocating while also working on getting the water out or figuring out a way. It was tough work, but we did what we could and got some of the most critical things to safety.

Unfortunately, the water kept rising, and as time progressed, we lost more and more items. In the end, there was about 4 inches of water in the basement before the levels subsided.

Problem Solved, Damage Done
A plumber came in and discovered the problem -- the butterfly valve had been stuck in the closed position. This did not allow any water to get out of the sump pump, so the water levels rose.

Once this was fixed, the basement emptied itself of water within an hour. Unfortunately, the damage was done:

  • Rugs and walls were ruined
  • Furniture and many goods were destroyed
  • A lot of work was going to be required to fix it
We began the work of emptying the basement, cutting up and pulling out all of the rugs, putting industrial driers into the basement and cutting some of the wall board on the walls to cut out the ruined wall board. This took days and many late nights after work as the basement was quite large and completely finished. In time, we did it.

After clearing out the destroyed rug and wallboard, then drying the entire basement, we began rebuilding. We fixed all the wall board, put on molding, then repainted the entire basement.

Finally, we re-carpeted the entire basement, then put the furniture back where it belonged. A nightmare of a process which took three months, but we did it.

After the flood had come and gone and we were rebuilding, on multiple occasions, the BPD accused me of actually causing the flood.

She said that the morning of the flood, that we were fighting. She thinks that I was so mad that I went outside, took a rock and brought it inside, throwing this little rock into the sump well and jamming the butterfly valve.

Even explaining this confuses me. However, it shows me how amazing the borderline mind is and how they can conjure up such detail in a story like this.

It also shows that a borderline's accusations cross every boundary. I spent countless hours helping her fix her basement, yet she thinks that I would do such a thing. I brought my father into the situation to help, yet she has the audacity to accuse me of such an act.

She was so convinced that she actually told her father that I may have done this, and her father actually checked out the sump pump to see if there was evidence of me doing such a thing.

The borderline mind is always at work, always trying to figure out how someone has done them wrong, always being the victim of the situation. As the partner, you become the object of much of this childlike paranoia.

1 comment:

  1. Seriously how do you get passed the wild accusations? And then the blame for "ruining" the relationship?

    I didn't have an accusation like this (we didn't live together or near each other) but I was accused of outlandish cheating or living a "secret" life. It simply wasn't true and getting the accusations out of my head has been tough because they were so off base. Then being told YOU are the reason we aren't together and YOU F'd it all up... sheesh... I understand that they have paranoia but do they not see how damaging these wild and false accusations are and that it is too hard on us or the relationship? One time a soclicitor came to my door (religious) and my ex followed me around all day accusing me of "cheating" on him with the man that came to the door.

    Then later on in the relationship he would say he wants to be with someone who "is just relaxed." He thought when I would question the accusations that I was "out of line."

    It truly is a no win situation. Seriously you can't even TIE with a borderline.


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