Thursday, December 10, 2009

Miami: Top Ten Signs That You're Dating a Borderline Continued

Looking back, I should have known that she was a borderline based on the signs from the very beginning. I was falling hard for this girl, but she continued to throw me signals that she was shaky if not completely unstable.

I refused to listen and heed the warning signs. They were huge flags.

Sign Five: Feeling Like You're Always Proving Something to Someone, But It's Never Enough
One of the main reasons why I continued in the relationship is because the BPD was accusing me of such wild things that were so out of my character to even consider, that I first did not know how to respond but second felt like I was proving myself to this person.

I hadn't felt like this before, to this extent, and it was strange. The BPD constantly made me feel like I had to prove my trustworthiness to her.

This is where I should have known something was wrong. Trust is not something you earn. It's something that's given in time, but you still provide basic trust for people. Borderlines trust then take it away without reason. They're so unsure of themselves that they can't trust themselves, let alone anyone else.

Sign Six: Constant Scrutiny
We were to celebrate Valentines Day together, then I was scheduled to fly to Miami for business the next morning. I stopped on the long three hour drive from Delaware (where I lived) to New Jersey (where she lived) to purchase some travel luggage and to buy her a Valentine's Day card.

I rushed to the bar where we had planned on meeting, and she was there with her friend, Dawn. She was upset but keeping her cool. Later, she queried me as to what took me so long, and I had to explain myself to the point of telling her that I had to stop and get a present for her.

We went to dinner and had a decent dinner; when I went to the bathroom during dinner, I was accused of sending text messages to others. I was not happy at all about that, but again, I was trying to prove myself to her.

Sign Seven: Being Told That You're Never Good Enough
I flew out the next morning, and once I landed and got ready for the show, she started again. She told me that the present that I got her wasn't good enough and that my card was not acceptable. Something to the fact that I hadn't asked what her kids' favorite colors (I retorted that I'm the kind of person that asks the kids myself what their favorite colors are). After I got her through her anxiety for Wednesday night, I went to sleep late so I could wake for a day full of meetings, starting at 6:45.

My day's meetings on Wednesday were difficult, but I got through them. We had planned on staying for Wednesday then Thursday, and fly back on Friday morning. We spoke all night on Wednesday, and on Thursday we sent text messages to one another through part of the day. Until it all changed.

Sign Eight: Things Can Be Going Well, Then They Will Change Into Hateful People
We were sending text messages to one another and I told her that I ran into someone that I went to high school with. Her anxiety must have flown through the roof, but she suddenly lost control and broke up with me.

What did she say? I remember it to this day: You're lying to me about someone that you went to high school with. I can't be with someone who can't be truthful. When I go out tonight with my friends, I'm just going to tell them that it didn't work out

Huh? I was dumbfounded. Again. Real upset.

I called Chris and talked to him. When we discussed, he said to me, "she might be the most dangerous one yet...just promise me that you won't talk to her anymore."

That's why I love that guy. He's always looking out for my best interest, even when I'm not. We all need friends like this.

I didn't listen. I sent her an email at 8 pm laying into her. She sent me an email responding something like, "you have troubles and were going to treat me poorly. I can help you. Let me help you with your problems. " (note: she didn't say those words exactly -- it's been four years, so give me some leniency with the stories)

Sign Nine: Crazy Talk About How You're Mistreating Them

I responded, "I don't need any help, I'm just fine thank you." From there, we traded emails every day for the next few days. She continued to tell me how I was so bad, and I continued to defend myself. This continued from Thursday night into Friday and Saturday. We finally spoke on Sunday.

Sign Ten: After Treating You So Poorly, They Come Back To You

She called me on Sunday, telling me that she thought about us and wanted us to try again. She had listened to a song off the CD that I had given her for Valentine's Day, and wasn't ready to let go yet.

So, we went back out and re-established the relationship. However, the first night we spent back together was interesting. In an upcoming post, learn about the Nails.

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