Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Killington With The Borderline Personality: Skiing on the Edge

One of the worst -- and best -- trips that I ever took with my ex Borderline Personality girlfriend was to the ski slopes for a four day getaway. We are both avid skiers, and we could both go hit any ski slope without problem, ripping down them.

While borderlines can match another person's personality, matching one's ski skills at an advanced level is not possible unless they have significant ski experience. She did have this experience. During this particular season, we had taught her and my kids how to ski and how to enjoy skiing immensely.

A Rocky Ride
Towards the end of the ski season, we had made plans to go to one of the best ski areas on the East Coast for a four day getaway. Of course, the trip started like every other trip -- with us almost not going at all.

She was upset about something -- I forget what it was (it doesn't matter anyway). I had reached the end of my rope with her outbreaks and her silly tantrums. I told her, "I'm going away without me; you're not coming with me because of how you're now behaving."

This is what the relationship had become. I was forced to telling her that I would punish her because of her behaviors. She eventually did come around, apologized and showed her remorse, to which I said what I always did: "Don't do it again."

While we were on the trip, she got real upset with me at least once. For some reason, her anxiety about what happened with the Nails on the Back was high. She kept accusing me of sleeping with others and all these things. I was so sick and tired that I finally told her about my ex wife's cousin doing it as I left a bar when we were broken up. Of course, she didn't believe me.

A Great Ride
The slopes were relatively light as the season was coming to an end, so we skied like there was no tomorrow. We skied the entire mountain, particularly the more challenging slopes and trails. Some days, we never even left the slopes for lunch, as we would eat slopeside so we could continue skiing.

After we had skied a day, we would head out to the bars for happy hour, dinner, and retiring early so we could get up and ski some more.

One night we went to the local club, and a band was playing to a small crowd of maybe ten or twenty people. We began talking to the band, and by the end of the night, were quite friendly with them.

Towards the end of the night, I had to go to the bathroom and get the Borderline Personality some aspirin. While I was in the bathroom, the band lead said to the BPD, "we'd like to play a song for Den. What's one of his favorite bands?"

"U2," she enthusiastically replied. They looked at one another and began playing the bass line for U2's "With or Without You."

Back in the bathroom, I was having difficulty getting the aspirin machine to dispense aspirin. The band waited and waited, eventually all sitting down as they waited for me.

Hearing the song, I came out of the bathroom excited, literally hooting and hollering as I heard the song played. They then got up and played the song. Quite a funny and memorable time, watching the band play.

Ironically, the Borderline Personality never accused me of doing anything then. I'm not sure why.

Reactive Behaviors
When the BPD and I first drove north on the trip, she told me, "if you had left, I would have come here anyway and just skied in another place...I would have stayed somewhere else too...I had the time without the kids, after all."

When she realized that I may go without her, she thought that I would go and fool around with another person. She could then go and do what she wanted. This would have justified her behavior if something should have happened. 

You can take the borderline out of their home environment, but they're still borderline. They can be quite a lot of fun, but they'll still accuse, rage, and make parts of the trip quite difficult.


  1. You know I went on 2 trips with my exbpd and there were some good times on both. However, both trips he accused and was mad about something. On one trip he went outside the bar to smoke and a guy came up to the bar to order a drink. He was a local of the mountain we were at and asked me "where are you and your husband from." I explained and pointed to my bpd who was sitting a few feet away outside while I told him where he was from. Later I was accused of "wanting" him and "flirting" with him. He also called the guy a d*ckhead and it was quite embarassing. Another trip I went to get us juice and some rolls for breakfast and came back to the hotel. He accused me of leaving to talk on my phone. So 2 nice trips that were tainted with good times, had to also be tainted with accusations. Six months later he would throw out these accusations to me about how I "probably cheated on him while we were on vacation." It simply didn't happen. I only wanted him and no one else. Somehow I couldn't make him "believe." It gets hard to tolerate it after months or years of defending it. Then they blame you for "ruining" it or then they say "we aren't meant to be" when we get tired of the behavior.

  2. Just like to wish everybody who reads & posts on this blog especially the author who iam eternely gratefull too because reading the blog has helped me so much

    A Very Happy & Peacefull Xmas

    I will be BPD free this christmas for the first time
    Well actually i was not with him ( but i was still in the ''relationship'' ) last year but he did continue to torture me as he did at any celebration wheather birthday , valentines etc
    What is it with these people that they have to ruin everything ?
    I will miss him on xmas day as iam not fully over the whole thing but iam getting stronger & to get through the festive period will be the most dificult time off all
    so to anybody feeling the same way know that you are not alone in your feelings & have a nice peacefull BPD free xmas and a great New year & a new begining x

  3. On our first holiday together,there was so much drama,i don't know why i didn't walk then and there. We nearly did not go,the usual behaviour from my ex BPD! He promised it would all be fine on holiday. My brother was worried for me and he was righltly so. It kicked of as soon as we arrived. The PR guy was friendly,as he is with everybody,but according to my ex BPD,he fancied me. This became embarrassing as the BPD would have too much to drink(nothing new there) and cause many scenes. I had to try sleep out in the hall as he had become so abusive. A man approached me,i thought he was a polceman as there had been lots of noise from our room. He offered me a sofa to sleep on. I accepted and followed him to a back room. He gave me a blanket and wished me goodnight. An hour later i heard the door open and this man was on top of me,trying to kiss me. I screamed and ran to find somebody,anybody. The manager came to me and other members of staff. It turned out it was the security guard for the hotel. He was dismissed immediately. The BPD was oblivious to all of this in his drunken stupor. I felt so alone and vulnerable. My brother was right to worry for me,this excuse of a man (BPD) was never going to look after me. He put me in a position of danger. The drama continued through-out the holiday. I sat in the shower and cried every day,wanting to be home.

  4. Take away the great intimacy (sex) then you will see what type of person a Borderline is. If the sex is great, the signs of a Borderline's erratic behavior will not be understood or bother you so much, even if it smacked you in the face. These BF & GF stories are because sex was involved. I dated a Borderline and my stories are almost identical to yours. It was just great sex with a very troubled person. These people move very fast (vacations, sex, etc.) because they know that eventually their guard will be down (approx. 6 months) and they will expose their true ways which will eventually turn us off. This does not mean that you cannot find another love and enjoy intimacy. To all of us victims we are not at fault, it is the Borderline's so cheer up and move on. An unplanned pregnancy with this type of person can spell disaster and be an end to our manhood and sanity.

  5. Thanks for sharing that, gives some a morale boost :)

  6. I do not understand why a woman with BPD is so addicting to me? I now realize I have been deeply and intimately involved with two.

    It is frightening how both had similar traits and behaviors they could be twin sisters. Yet I met one at age 27 the other at 66 their ages.

    Even more distressing is how I was attracted to both of them in a very powerful way. I could list the good and bad behaviors on a pro and con list. It was like the old fable the girl with the curl in the middle of the forehead. When she was good she was very good,when she was bad she was horrid.

    The BPD Girl's never discussed the bad behaviors or even apologized unless I brought it up. Then they just blew it off,
    or described their behavior in simple terms
    like, "I need to know why I whacked you."
    "I got to find out why I have this same behavior pattern in relationships over and over."
    "I am going to leave you because I don't want to hurt you."
    "I need to date other men to see if I will do the same thing to them."

    "You are very easy to talk to."

    My reaction: I think some of these comments are sincere expressions of feelings or should I consider them all to be manipulation? Thank You for your comment.


Please tell me your story and how it relates to Borderline Personality Disorder. I appreciate any and all comments that you leave on this blog, and as long as they do not contain inappropriate language or are not on-topic, will publish them. Please note that I cannot respond to blogs as this is an anonymous blog. However, I will publish all appropropriate comments.